wisdom

  • Thankful for UNanswered prayer

    In my last post I told you I was going away on retreat. I thank all of you for praying and those of you who asked me about it.

    If you remember, my desire to go away was in large part to seek the Lord’s face for wisdom for specific leading regarding women’s ministry at my church. I will say that I continue to be humbled because I have seen God work without my pushing (a sinful tendency of mine), and He has opened doors to present me with a wonderful opportunity and I’ve been given a lot of freedom, i.e.- pretty much what I think I should to/would like to do!

    God met me wonderfully while I was away. As I recount and reflect on the experience once again, it takes me to a sort of holy hush. I am somewhat hesitant to share my experiences at times, but I believe I am supposed to in this case.

    The last couple weeks prior to my retreat, Psalm 102:17 (as well as other parts of that Psalm) continued to come to mind:

    17  He shall regard the prayer of the destitute, and shall not despise their prayer.

    Last Tuesday night, my first night away on retreat, as I was praying for specific direction for the women’s ministry, these words (inaudibly) came to me: “I have heard your prayer.” You know how you can look through the promises of Scripture and reason it out. In this case, yes, I had been praying according to God’s will, I am seeking wisdom, something He has told us to ask for and He does desire the church to be built up with good teaching so souls might be fed and so on, and therefore He should be hearing me and so on. Well, of course, I knew all that, but this was something beyond all that. This was not of my own positive thinking but from outside me and above me. The Lord regarded my prayer in a living sense. There was the promise on the written page which I knew, but now the promise was written on my heart, the direct work on the heart that God’s Holy Spirit was prophesied in Old Testament (Jeremiah 31, Ezekiel 36) and then made manifest in the New Testament (Hebrews 8, Romans 8).

    As my time went along as I was away, I was still a bit disconcerted, since though I definitely know I can’t put God on a timetable, I was really hoping I would come away with some clearer sense of direction as to what to do w/ this women’s ministry (yes, I already have a great sense of the values I wish to impart, e.g.- hunger for God & His Word, seeking to know Him experientially, etc., as God’s Spirit works effectually in the women), but the nuts and bolts of that were still unclear. Being brutish and foolish (and perhaps a bit like Gideon), the next night (my last night away), I lay down before Him once again to pray for direction, feeling a bit like the man at midnight, who needs bread for his friends (I so long to be used to feed the souls at our church) and once more the same words (“I have heard your prayer”) came once again without my barely being able to speak a thing. I got up right then and there assured God would give me specific direction – in HIS way and in HIS time. (Yes, I know I must work and prepare and study and continue to pray, but now I should be able to do so w/ full assurance and no anxiety but perfect peace that my Father will not give me a serpent when I ask for fish and so forth.)

    After this all happened I went back and looked at Psalm 102 again.

    Yes, so there was the inner assurance God had heard my prayer and would not despise it! Not only once, but twice! I was going to Him destitute – admitting I could do nothing and I had nothing. The Lord is magnificently glorified and exalted when we admit we are nothing and He must do everything, and when we admit we have nothing and He must give us everything! That is the glory of the Christian life! All of God, all to God’s glory alone!

    There is so much to Psalm 102 that is beautiful, especially verse 16 – since it deals with the Lord building up Zion and appearing in glory. That is what God wants to do in the decaying church of our day, and, as you know, that is the great desire of my heart, that revival might come again to the Church. The Lord wants to breathe life and fire into His people, into His Church, into each one of His own, including each one of us. So along with verse 17, we can’t help but see that when we are consumed with praying for the Lord to build up Zion and to appear in glory, when we are saying we are destitute and we’re not going to rely on our own devices or wisdom, certainly He will regard our prayers and not despise them. We can be assured that as we are in concert with Him and His desire to build up Zion and seeking for Him to come down in glory, and we are working to prepare the way for Him to do so, He will regard our prayers and not despise them! HIS Kingdom come! Build up Zion! Appear in glory!

    Then I looked back at v. 13. He “shall arise and have mercy…” I looked up the Hebrew word for mercy (lo and behold I discovered I had a Strong’s concordance in one of my free iPod touch apps – a wonderful surprise to me! :) ). The word there means to fondle. But not fondle in that bad sense, in the context of molestation, but fondle as in to truly love and to caress. The Father’s love! And then I looked at Isaiah 14 (we’d been studying that chapter in BSF the past week) and it was the exact same word in Isaiah 14:1a!

    Isaiah 14:1: For the LORD will have mercy on Jacob, and will still choose Israel, and settle them in their own land…

    How wondrous is that?! God’s never-failing covenant mercies! He fondles us! I truly felt the Father did come and “fondle” me those couple days by speaking to me in that way, by assuring me that He had heard my prayer. Yes, as I said, I knew how when we ask in prayer according to His will, He has heard and will answer. And yes, I had read the promise that He would regard the prayer of the destitute and not despise their prayer….but yet…that extra, His coming alongside me and fondling me in that sense, assuring me, writing His word on my heart in a living sense.

    As I’ve been reflecting on these things, I knew that what had happened was somewhat reminiscent of some accounts of the saints who’d had similar experiences of God’s speaking assurance directly to the soul. Martyn Lloyd-Jones gives some accounts in chapter 5 (The Sense of His Presence) of his book “Joy Unspeakable,” including Howell Harris, Christmas Evans, Charles Finney, as well as the accounts of two Puritans, Edward Elton and Thomas Goodwin. Needless to say, you’ll see why I was (and still am) quite excited when I reread ML-J’s description of Thomas Goodwin’s account (boldface, mine).

    Let me finally tell you again what I regard as one of the most beautiful ways in which this matter has ever been put. It is by Thomas Goodwin, one of those great Puritans again of three hundred years ago, the President of Magdalen College at Oxford during the commonwealth, and a brilliant scholar and preacher. That is the difference between what I call, the customary assurance of the child of God, and this extraordinary assurance. He describes a man and his little child, his son, walking down the road and they are walking hand in hand, and the child knows that he is the child of his father, and he knows that his father loves him, and he rejoices in that, and he is happy in it. There is no uncertainty about it all, but suddenly the father, moved by some impulse, takes hold of that child and picks him up, fondles him in his arms, kisses him, embraces him, showers his love upon him, and then he puts him down again and they go on walking together.

    That is it! The child knew before that his father loved him, and he knew that he was his child. But oh! this loving embrace, this extra outpouring of love, this unusual manifestation of it––that is the kind of thing. The Spirit bearing witness with our spirit, that we are the children of God.

    This is the outstanding characteristic of the baptism with the Spirit. God gives us grace to examine ourselves in the light of these things…Do you know anything of the glory of God, this immediacy, this certainty, this absolute assurance given by the Spirit that banishes all doubt and uncertainty and you know that God loves you in particular with an everlasting love in Jesus Christ?

    Honestly, though I did remember this account in a general sense, I did not at all remember that the word “fondling” was used – the very same word that God had impressed upon me in light of the experience I’d had.

    As I have sat back and reflected more on all this, I can see what I should have seen beforehand: would I rather have had a clear syllabus of study or a clear affirmation from the Lord has heard my prayer and a greater assurance of His love for me? That’s a no brainer! Yes, I certainly do need the specific direction (and I am trusting He will give it), but how wonderful it is that He revealed His love to me in that way! So this is why I say I am thankful for UNanswered prayer. If God the Father had answered my prayer as I thought best, how much would I have missed out on? How great the Father’s love for us!

    And here’s something else: I have actually come to the point on a few occasions where I’ve said, “If I never get to lead/teach the women at this church, it has been worth it all, to KNOW the Lord more experientially in this special way, to know the Father’s love more deeply. And to learn in a greater sense how blessed it is to be destitute before Him, to know that He truly does regard our prayers and does not despise them.”

    I know these are holy things and I share them only so you might be aware of the “glorious possibilities” (as Lloyd-Jones put it) of the Christian life. No, we do not seek experiences, but we do seek the living God through spending time with Him in His Word and prayer and obedience in what we know, and as we do so, we can trust that He will reveal Himself to us as He deems best for each of our souls. Let us not say these things were only for Bible times or for certain special people. We are all children of God! We have all been chosen and lavished with His love, mercy and grace. So let us press on to know Him more and may we never limit and quench or grieve Him by saying He will not or cannot ever choose to visit us in such wonderful ways (nor should we insist that He must choose to visit us in certain ways and at certain times). The apostle Paul has said that our faces are now unveiled before the Lord and we can behold His glory and are being changed from glory to glory. No, we cannot predict how or when we might see God and His glory, and I admit these things are mysterious and even difficult to talk about, but let us expect that we may behold His glory and then trust Him to reveal Himself to us as He deems best – for our profit and for His glory, all so we might be more and more enraptured and captivated by His love for us.

    Let us also be sober as we remember the account in the gospels which tells us that the Lord Jesus could do no mighty works in Nazareth because of their unbelief (Mark 6:5, Matthew 13:58).

    Lord, as You will, open our eyes to the possibilities of Your glory, and then as You will, show us Your glory so we might be strengthened and built up so we might be used by You to build Your Church!

    I share these experiences with you humbly for I know there is nothing in me to deserve or merit anything at all from the Lord. The apostle Paul spoke of holding nothing back that was profitable (Acts 20:20), and I believe these things will be for your profit.

    I do wish to remind you that yes, though it is true our Christian faith is squarely based on historical facts, from the Scripture itself, that there is an objective body of truth, yet we can experience these truths and experience the Lord Himself in a living and active way. The Lord God is a living God, He is not an idol made of wood, therefore there are times when He may choose to meet His children in such special ways, to fondle us, so to speak. No, we cannot work them up, we cannot predict them, but there are times when He may choose to come down and surprise us because such experiences are for our good, for His glory and for the furtherance of His Gospel and the building up of the Church.

    I have recently have been pleasantly surprised with some wonderful fellowship with an older seasoned saint (quite Reformed, I will add) who has introduced me to the book “More than Notion” by J.H. Alexander.  Below is the author’s note on the title “More than Notion.” I think this wonderfully expresses my concern that too much of our Christianity today has become only notion, and I have become increasingly convinced that true religion must indeed be “More than Notion.”

    True religion ought always to be accompanied by deep feeling. It must be so because of its spiritual character. No one laid more emphasis on the spirituality of religion than its founder. In order to enforce the vital necessity of spiritual experience the Lord Jesus frequently resorted to the use of paradox as when He said, ‘He that findeth his life shall lose it but whosoever loseth his life for my sake shall find it’. It was, therefore, natural that the spiritual-minded believers at Pulverbach should turn to the hymns of Joseph Hart. For this minister had passed through deep waters himself and his hymns, though often quaint, are unique in their use of the paradoxical method. We can do no better to illustrate the point than by printing the lines from which our title was taken.

    “Vain is all our best devotion,
    If on false foundations built;
    True religion’s more than notion,
    Something must be known and felt.’

    ‘Tis to credit contradictions;
    Talk with him one never sees;
    Cry and groan beneath afflictions,
    Yet to dread the thoughts of ease.

    ‘Tis to feel the fight against us,
    Yet the victory hope to gain;
    To believe that Christ has cleansed us,
    Though the leprosy remain.

    ‘To be steadfast in believing,
    Yet to tremble, fear, and quake;
    Every moment be receiving
    Strength, and yet be always weak.

    To be fighting, fleeing, turning;
    Ever sinking, yet to swim;
    To converse with Jesus, mourning
    For ourselves or else for him.’”

    Can you relate to Hart’s words? Have you begun to know the Lord Jesus in such intimate ways?

    As many of you know I have been writing a LOT on assurance and joy on my other blog. I am convinced that my recent foray into joy in Oct. 2009 was begun in large measure because I had prayed a few weeks before that time along the lines of I Thessalonians 1:5:

    For our gospel came not unto you in word only, but also in power, and in the Holy Ghost, and in much assurance; as ye know what manner of men we were among you for your sake.

    I had begun to see how I needed that power and assurance, and was frustrated, but at the time I couldn’t see that was all wrapped up in my having a greater sense of God’s love and joy. And then as I began to ask for joy, the assurance and power has begun to come as well. (I say “begun to,” for I still know I must press on to know Him more.)

    Our experiences of Christ do lead to greater assurance and power in the Holy Spirit. They are not merely for us to be edified, though we will be edified and we will enjoy God through them. But those experiences do lead to the reality that our testimony is no longer in word only and our knowledge of God begins to become “more than notion,” it becomes a truly living faith, not only propositions believed with the mind (though yes, we must believe with the mind), but we also come to believe with all the heart and soul as well. That is what will make our witness to others effectual and life-giving and powerful – that first-hand experience of HIM, when our religion does begin to become “MORE than notion.” Yes, we certainly do enjoy our God Himself through our experiences of Him. Amen! Indeed! And yet do we not enjoy Him ALL THE MORE as we speak of Him and His dealings with us TO AND WITH OTHERS?

    While away on my retreat and as I reflected on God’s goodness to me, in coming to me and assuring me my prayer had been heard, I wrote:

    It delights me to receive these things but dare I say it delights me more to share them. Is this what the apostle Paul means: “It is more blessed to give than to receive”? We know all we have is not of us – it bursts out at times.

    So, it is bursting out here. My desire is for you to know Him more and more, not merely know of Him, that your religion become “More than notion.” I am convinced that is exactly what happened in the early Church at Pentecost and that is what has happened in during each and every time of genuine revival. God’s people are taken up with God Himself and cannot help but speak of Him. This is what we see in the book of Acts. These believers kept preaching Christ wherever they went, in spite of threats and persecution: For we cannot but speak the things which we have seen and heard. They didn’t have to be pushed out, the Spirit compelled them and gave them a holy boldness. They couldn’t be stopped! That is the type of faith, a living faith, a true religion, a religion that is “more than notion,” that will begin to turn the world upside down. May we pray for God’s Spirit to fall fresh on us and then continue to fall again and again. Let us be filled with the Spirit!

    I thank God for each of you and I pray you would seek His face and all He has for you, that you would not fear based on misconceptions, abuses or false teachings in Christianity over the work of the Holy Spirit, all so you might truly know the breadth, and length, and depth, and height of the Father’s love for you in Jesus Christ.

    I will add here that I have no specific answer yet regarding the women’s ministry but I continue to trust He will bring it. I am enjoying Him immensely on this adventure and I hope and pray you will as well.

    For the fullness of your joy and for the fullness of His glory in the Church,
    Karen

    Related posts:

    from past saints:

    Scripture quotations are taken from the New King James Version. Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

  • “To keep the lamp alive with oil we fill the bowl”

    Dear friends in Christ,

    I’d hoped to update you last night, but didn’t have opportunity to do so. I do want to let you know I’m about to leave for a couple day retreat, and I would appreciate prayers for me, in particular for clear leading regarding the opportunity I have at our church (for more on that, please see the end of my last post).

    William Cowper’s hymn “Dependence” wonderfully expresses my heart this morning, and I hope yours at well. May we always see that we are wholly  dependent on the Lord so we might continue to ask for Him to fill us with His fullness and His Spirit to overflowing – and then once we are filled, that we might return and again and again and ask again and again. He will in no wise cast us out! We are but poor beggars but He welcomes us as His sons and daughters and delights to lavish His unsearchable riches on us! We live from grace to grace. Let us continue to avail ourselves of His grace poured out through Jesus Christ at the cross and now through His Spirit who dwells within us.

    LXII. DEPENDENCE.

    To keep the lamp alive,
    With oil we fill the bowl;
    ‘Tis water makes the willow thrive,
    And grace that feeds the soul.

    The Lord’s unsparing hand
    Supplies the living stream;
    It is not at our own command,
    But still derived from him.

    Beware of Peter’s word,
    Nor confidently say,
    “I never will deny thee, Lord,”
    But, “Grant I never may!”

    Man’s wisdom is to seek
    His strength in God alone;
    And e’en an angel would be weak,
    Who trusted in his own.

    Retreat beneath his wings,
    And in his grace confide;
    This more exalts the King of kings
    Than all your works beside.

    In Jesus is our store,
    Grace issues from his throne;
    Whoever says, “I want no more,”
    Confesses he has none.

    Along with Charles Wesley, I continue to find myself lost in wonder, love and praise, and with George Whitefield I cannot comprehend His love for me but  only adore!

    All by His grace and of His grace, all to His glory and His praise alone,
    Karen

  • Update & prayer requests – November 1, 2010 (I want to be a happy sower)

    If you’ve been reading my other blog, you know that the past couple weeks have been a struggle for me. (Please my posts here, here, here, here and here and here.) I’m not going to recount all that here, but I will say during that time I felt about as pressed and tempted as I have at any time since I’ve been saved, and though not having been afflicted or burdened as much as Paul was, I felt for the first time that I could genuinely relate to Paul’s words in II Corinthians 1:

    8  For we do not want you to be ignorant, brothers, of the affliction we experienced in Asia. For we were so utterly burdened beyond our strength that we despaired of life itself. 9  Indeed, we felt that we had received the sentence of death. But that was to make us rely not on ourselves but on God who raises the dead. 10  He delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us. On him we have set our hope that he will deliver us again.

    The week before last I pulsed

    By the grace of God I will endure all things for the elect, and not only endure, but endure with joy. 2 Tim 2:1-13, Col 1:9-18.

    Then later that same day I expanded on that request in my post asking a hard thing.

    I had seen I was beginning to look to earthly results for my joy and knew I was headed in a very bad direction, very bad.

    My face was not radiant because I was not looking to Him. Psalms 34:5: Those who look to him are radiant, and their faces shall never be ashamed. I was looking pretty ugly and feeling joyless.

    After that time I attended a conference at which I received a hand-out on evangelism. It broke the process into three phrases: cultivating, sowing and harvesting. This was truly a God-sent blessing as I read this under the description of the sowing phase:

    the ELEMENT: SEED = God’s Word . . . The Gospel
    the EXPLANATION: Speaks to the mind w/ revelation. Focus is on communication.
    the EMPHASIS: Proclamation of truth . . . Giving understanding of the Gospel

    As soon as I read that, I thought something like, “This is me! That is just what I love to do and thrive on!” I’m not saying I haven’t ever been involved in or wouldn’t ever be involved in cultivating the soil (human hearts) or harvesting the crop (the reproduced life of Christ in hearts), but God has given me a passion and love to sow seeds, and more particularly to sow seeds among those who are already in the church to shore them up in their faith, so their faith might grow deeper. (Notice that Paul told Timothy to do the work of an evangelist and yet Timothy was a pastor.)

    Since that time I’ve been praying, “If You’ve made me a sower, then I want to be a happy sower! Lord, make me a happy sower!”

    A few days after that I was brought down again and had to scratch and claw back and immerse myself in the Word and God’s promises and to remember that I could always trust God as I am faithful to do what He’s called me to do and not to obsess about the harvest or results.

    This is a continuing battle but I’d not had such an extended and intense period of struggle and temptation with it since over a year ago, when God brought joy to my soul in a way He’d never done before. I’ve known His joy in increasing measure since that time, and I’ve come to know that no one or nothing compares. No one. Nothing. So this whole thing continue to grieve my soul as it grieved His Spirit, I know.

    I am also more convinced than ever that the messages of joy and assurance are so vital to the church since I keep meeting joyless and unassured Christians over and over and over again.

    Jesus Christ came that we might have life and have life abundantly. He came that our joy might be full. The Gospel is a message of great joy to all peoples.

    There is so much more I’ve been wanting to write about all this. I hope and pray the Lord will give me the opportunity to do so. This is not only a vital message for others, but I have to say that it blesses my soul to write about God’s love and the joy He makes available to all of His children through Christ and it also brings God honor and glory as we remind one another that Christ alone is our true joy and His love for us endures forever and we need not doubt or fear or waver in our faith.  What glory! What other love compares to Him! What other joy compares to Him!

    I’ve been reflecting on Isaiah 55 in the past day. I put my iPod touch onto shuffle yesterday and it ended up on a John Piper message Preaching in the Power of the Spirit. It was really excellent and I highly recommend it, but near the end he referenced verses 10 and 11 from Isaiah 55, and since that time I’ve been pondering those (as well as the whole chapter):

    10  “For as the rain and the snow come down from heaven
    and do not return there but water the earth,
    making it bring forth and sprout,
    giving seed to the sower and bread to the eater,
    11  so shall my word be that goes out from my mouth;
    it shall not return to me empty,
    but it shall accomplish that which I purpose,
    and shall succeed in the thing for which I sent it.

    Gospel seed is a gift from God. (Thank You, Lord, for every seed You give me!) I am learning to count Him and that seed ever more precious. I can trust God will accomplish His purposes and it will succeed as He wills.

    One of God’s purposes is that I steward that seed well and do so with joy. So, as He gives it to me, I want to be a faithful steward and sower of His seed, to persevere in sowing seed with joy for the sake of the elect.

    There’s another thing I’ve been pondering. On my post here, David (TravelingStranger) commented, “God bless; keep up the holy work.”

    Holy work. Holy work! The Gospel is holy because God is holy. Anytime we proclaim Christ, we are engaged in holy work. What a wonder that God chooses fallible, broken and feeble vessels like us, but we know it is all to bring God maximum glory (I Cor 1, II Cor 4). What a privilege and joy! As soon as I come to my senses and see the holiness of what I’m doing and the preciousness of the seed I’m sowing, I am melted down and can’t help but weep. I love Jesus and despite my recent wandering, I have known Him as my chief joy and my greatest treasure. I rejoice in Him and treasure Him even more today as I’ve seen His love constraining me back into His fold, to feel His embrace, to hear Him rejoicing over me with singing and quieting me with His love.

    Throughout the day today I could particularly relate to the apostle Paul’s words:

    And I was with you in weakness and in fear and much trembling…

    Realizing the holiness of the task at hand, the awesome responsibility we have, and the hungry souls needing to be fed I was humbled. I knew that in and of myself I could do nothing. That’s a good place to be. And whenever we’re not there we need to ask Him to put us there once again.

    As I said, I’ve been pondering Isaiah 55, and there’s more I would like to write on it, though I’ve not really had time to sit with as much as I’d like, except to say I can’t help but look at verses 4 and 5 and 12 and 13 and see how the Church is in dire need of truly knowing the deep joy of our salvation and having full assurance of God’s love for us:

    4  Behold, I made him a witness to the peoples,
    a leader and commander for the peoples.
    5  Behold, you shall call a nation that you do not know,
    and a nation that did not know you shall run to you,
    because of the LORD your God, and of the Holy One of Israel,
    for he has glorified you.

    12 For you shall go out in joy
    and be led forth in peace;
    the mountains and the hills before you
    shall break forth into singing,
    and all the trees of the field shall clap their hands.
    13 Instead of the thorn shall come up the cypress;
    instead of the brier shall come up the myrtle;
    and it shall make a name for the LORD,
    an everlasting sign that shall not be cut off.”

    If we continue joyless and unassured in our faith, are any nations really going to run to us? If we aren’t having joy and peace in believing and breaking forth into singing, are any nations going to have joy and peace in believing and break forth into singing? Are they going to have any interest in a God whose people are miserable and whining all the time? Are we going to be making a name for the LORD (other than bringing reproach on His Name )?

    However, if we know God and His love in increasing measure so we might be filled with His joy and walk in deeper assurance, in both the dark and cloudy and stormy days as well as in the bright and sunny and calm days, what a witness that will be of God’s everlasting Gospel!

    I do appreciate your friendship and your continuing prayers and support as I strive to be a happy sower by the grace of God at work in me.

    One more thing I would ask you to pray about is for wisdom and discernment for me regarding my place in my local church. Long story short, it appears God is presenting an opportunity to me to have an impact on the women’s ministry there. I want to walk in obedience to God’s will for me and not to jump ahead of Him in this. I tend to jump ahead rather than waiting on Him. That was something our Father has had to discipline me several times in the past. This time around He gave me grace to be able to wait and pray, and I did not push, but now a door has been opening by His hand. (This is what I was referring to in my post Trust, delight, commit (Psalm 37:3-5) a couple days ago.)

    I am also privileged to pray for you, so please feel free to leave requests in the comments below and/or message me.

    The Lord has rejoiced my soul and made me glad!
    Karen