“I want you always to believe that God is faithful. However dark and mysterious any of his dispensations may appear, still confide in him. He can make you happy when every thing else is taken from you.”

“David had purposed to build God a house, and, in requital, God promises to build him a house, 11. Whatever we do for God, or sincerely design to do though Providence prevents our doing it, we shall in no wise lose our reward.”

Sharing some of my journey from last month . . .

Yesterday afternoon I felt a great confusion and consternation and darkness. I have continued to feel the door not opening, even closing, regarding my hope of a study at our church, and this has been a terrible strain to me… Of course, to my flesh, not pressing on to pursue such a thing makes no sense, and it grated on me, but I knew I had to submit to the will of the Lord in it. To trust HE would make me happy – even if this thing might be taken away from me. I knew for me to press on in the flesh would have been no different than Abram and Sarai making their plans with Hagar! My desire to have a group of women gathered is a good one. My desire to study the Bible and pray with them and speak of the Lord’s work is a good one ~ Malachi 3:16ff. All that said, if it is not God’s time for that, then it is NOT a good thing.  It greatly distressed me and I felt under a cloud, as it were. But one thing I kept holding onto was that God is not the author of confusion, but a God of peace and I knew His ways were perfect and just, but I didn’t FEEL that.

I read some more of Payson last night and was once again reminded (not that I should have needed to be reminded, since I do know better, but I DID need to be reminded! – the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak!) that GOD’s ways are perfect, and that there would be NONE of that perfect peace and NO Sabbath rest – unless I was willing to be all He had for me, that all including my being nothing at all, if that were His will for me.

Edward Payson wrote this about six weeks before his passing:

Of course, I have known this, and once more I was cut to the heart. I had been wondering and been impatient at His leading. And yet, I had no absolutely NO reason to be act that way for I have seen time and again that God’s ways are always best and I have NO cause whatsoever to distrust His love for even a moment.

Anyhow, this morning, I awakened with the chorus to “Trust and Obey” in my mind.

O, I have to tell you that it was KILLING me to put aside my desire for such a group and such a study, but I knew I had to. Though it makes no sense to ME, all I can say in response to the question: “Why do that?” I can only say this:  “I don’t know why. But this I know: the Lord has need of me to do so… Only trust Him… Only trust HIM…”

And then immediately the word came to me, a word that had eluded me, but it came swiftly, without my trying to think of a Scriptural example, but the recollection of Acts 16: it SEEMED GOOD to the disciples to go into Asia, BUT they were forbidden by the Holy Spirit, the Spirit of Jesus did not permit them.

Well, I can tell you that right then and there I KNEW I had no choice. It grieved me, but I knew what I had to do. I got my folder with all my papers and notes for the study, and I pulled out some papers that were not just for that study that had gotten mingled in with them, and then I placed the entire folder in the back of the closet. I had no other choice. I laid Isaac on the altar.

Then I pulled out a hymnal and turned to “Trust and Obey” and found this in verse 3:

And then I reread that portion of Acts 16.

I wrote this is my journal:

And then this from Payson:

I wrote: “HE supplies ALL my wants. HE IS MY SUPPLY.”

And then I went back and found these words of Payson and was wholly melted down at it, well, at God’s never failing goodnesses to me in spite of myself!

“He has done NOTHING but heap favors.”

And that became my song! … Well, HE became my song!

O to be nothing, nothing but He wants of me… that is the greatest enjoyment. Why do I fight Him at every turn? To be happy in Jesus is to trust and obey. To trust and obey is to be happy in Jesus. The confusion and clouds are gone. HE HAS DONE NOTHING BUT HEAP FAVORS. How foolish and brutish and vile we are to ever, ever doubt Him, even for a moment!

And then, this from Payson from several years prior (emphasis, mine):

EVERY burden, sorrow, toil, grief, loss, frown, cross – in and through them ALL, He KEEPS scattering blessings to us! How can He refrain from doing so? We are HIS! He is for us!

Can ANYTHING separate us from God’s love for us in Jesus Christ? Can burden or sorrow or toil? Can grief or loss? Can frown or cross? No! Certainly not. HE KEEPS SCATTERING BLESSINGS TO US! HE DOES NOTHING BUT HEAP FAVORS!

“God can sweeten the bitterest cup.”

I began reflecting on this blessing of Jesus, and can we not possibly consider that at least a part of that blessing was the Levitical blessing from Numbers 6, but now imparted to the children of Israel (we are all Israel through Abraham’s seed!) by the Lord Jesus Christ Himself – the God-man, the all-superior great high priest appointed by His Father, the only begotten Son of God, a priest forever after the order of Melchizedek, the priest who ever lives to make intercession, whose priesthood is unchangeable, our Advocate and Mediator!

But yet, we also have such a High Priest who has come to dwell in our hearts by faith so we might know the love of Christ and be filled with all the fullness of God!

And all the while, in even the hardest and hardest and most blustery and rainy providence, even when all is dark, even when He hides His face, HE DOES NOTHING BUT HEAP FAVORS ON THE ELECT!

Thanks be to God for His unspeakable Gift!

I walked in darkness, but I have seen a great light. I dwelt in the shadow of death, and upon me a light has shined!

For with Thee is the fountain of life: in Thy light I have seen light.

His mercies are new every morning! Great is His faithfulness! He is faithful when we are not!

Hallelujah! What a Savior! What a Friend for sinners! Saving, helping, keeping, loving, He is with us to the end!

I’m a child of the King! I’m a child of the King! With Jesus, my Savior, I’m a child of the King!

Oswald Chambers wrote:

As God closed this door, yet another seems to be opened, one which had already been opened, but only due to my stubbornness and blinding pride, I was unable and unwilling to see… I would appreciate your prayers, that I would be made willing clay in our Father’s hands (Isaiah 64:8) and He would make me willing in the day of His power (Psalm 110:3).

Throughout the year ahead and all the days of our lives, may our God give us souls as weaned children, the grace to be trusting, obedient and happy wherever HE places us, to truly know Him and enjoy Him and the favors He continues to heap upon us! We can trust that God always leads us in triumph in Christ WHEREVER He places us! His thoughts and His ways are always higher, always sweeter, always lovelier, always happier, and always fuller than ours! Ephesians 3:20-21.

~ your sister Karen

“if I would but cease struggling … I might be happy” (Edward Payson)
Let us therefore strive to enter that rest (Hebrews 3:7-4:13) ~ Sing and rejoice, O daughter of Zion
Lent II.-God’s calling: “As my Father hath sent Me, so send I you.” | Oswald Chambers

All the references from Payson are from the Memoir, Select Thoughts and Sermons of the Late Rev. Edward Payson by Edward Payson (1783-1827) and Asa Cummings with the page numbers in parentheses.

Work found at http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Champaigne_shepherd.jpg | {{PD-Art|PD-old-100}}

Over the past couple years, God has on me on a journey to prayer. I described it in this post:

Along with that, I’ve been seeking out like-minded believers locally with a heart for prayer, and I wrote this challenge to you (and myself) on May 14, 2010:

I know I won’t do it justice at all, but a few Scriptures come to mind to describe the work God has been doing as of late:

In His wonderful workings, God has been raising up a handful of like-minded men and women in our local church with a burden to pray.

Another Scripture that has continued to come to mind is Psalm 110:

Yes, the LORD will subdue His enemies, but by His electing and persevering love, He also subdues His friends! Your people will offer themselves freely on the day of your power! God transforms and conforms His children into the image of Christ, so we might walk in the works He’s ordained for us. That we might do things we once had no desire at all for! It is God who works in us through His Holy Spirit so we might desire and do His good pleasure, so we might say along with our Lord, “Not my will, but Yours, be done.” Through the working of His power, we are made willing to do His will! Paul wrote about that constraining love in II Corinthians 5, God’s love compelling and impelling us and pressing in upon us. He changes our desires – and first and foremost God becomes our chief desire, the pearl of great price, the all-surpassing treasure for which we would really sell all. We are His friends if we do what He commands, but His commandments are not burdensome to us for we are given His Spirit – as Augustine wrote, “Give, O Lord, what Thou commandest, and then command what Thou wilt.” Amen. Buried with Christ and raised by the power of God to walk in newness of life!

Our flesh does continue to fight God each and every step of the way, there’s a constant battle, but in His grace, God’s Spirit continues to strive with us. Nothing good dwells in our own flesh. Therefore, left to our own devices and our own abilities, we can’t make ourselves willing, we can’t make ourselves do anything – no matter how much we might try. We know the many resolutions we’ve made to do things, and we fail time and time again, but in the day of Christ’s resurrection power, God works in us to make us willing! God gives sufficient grace so we might turn away from our selfish, worldly desires and turn to God and bow to Him as Lord, so that the mighty scepter is not an oppressive, heavy burden, not a loveless dictatorship, but a light and easy yoke, a welcome Lordship and absolute sovereign rule. We serve a loving and gracious and wonderful Master! He opens our eyes to see that anytime we revolt and removing ourself from His Kingship and His Kingdom authority and go back to our own way is the way of death, misery, heaviness, and vanity – a trip back to the pig sty –– while in contrast, Christ’s way of obedience is the way of life and joy and peace and fruitfulness and fulfillment – truly a feast in our Father’s house! All that He has IS ours! First and foremost, all that He is IS ours! Hallelujah!

I keep saying I am delighted at what I’m seeing God doing (and I am trusting this is just the firstfruits we are privileged to be tasting!), but delighted is really an understatement. I’m trying to express that which is all but inexpressible…

I am delighted because…

(I know most of those things do overlap. )

I feel very much in a dream, much like the Psalmist who wrote Psalm 126:

And yet with all I have been seeing as of late, though I am certainly delighted with all of this, as I’ve reflected on God’s goodnesses to our congregation and to me in His workings that have now become evident over the past few weeks (and to note here: His workings at this church which have gone back years  and years before I got there!), nothing at all compares with the delight God Himself brings me! May I never become an adulterer and enjoy God’s gifts and enjoy ministry for God more than God Himself!

We are in a spiritual battle. I know the little foxes have been afoot and the lion is prowling; I have felt this keenly over the past couple weeks, but I am trusting that the God who has begun this work in us, the God who has made us willing in the day of His power, will bring it to completion to His praise, honor and glory!

Earlier today on my other site I posted a poem/hymn I wrote, which I titled “Though the waves arose,” which I’m going to repost here…

Though the waves arose
The solid Rock remained
The name exalted above
All other gods and names

In Your billows You were concealed
Faithfulness fresh, unfailing love
Grace gushed forth, Your glory revealed
Plenteous downpour from above

Though the waves arose
The solid Rock remained
The name exalted above
All other gods and names

In roaring waves, though anxious and afraid
Having found grace once again I found grace
Clouds unveiled Your shining countenance
Yoked to Christ, hidden in the secret place

Though the waves arose
The solid Rock remained
The name exalted above
All other gods and names

When I was thirsting, weary and faint
Your goodness marched through the wilderness
The earth shook, the heavens dropped rain
At break of dawn showed Your lovely face

Though the waves arose
The solid Rock remained
The name exalted above
All other gods and names

My mind wavered, hence I was puzzled
I yielded to fleshly restlessness
But the Word spoke, the storm was muzzled
Joy and peace flowed, blessed quietness

Though the waves arose
The solid Rock remained
The name exalted above
All other gods and names

Jesus alone thoroughly pleaded my case
Compassed my soul with songs of deliverance
In the flood You were my shield and hiding place
In besieged city showed marvelous kindness

Though the waves arose
The solid Rock remained
The name exalted above
All other gods and names

In and through the journey and all around
The Shepherd preserves and holds me tight
Hesed’s footsteps pursue me without a sound
The night becomes day, the darkness light

Though the waves arose
The solid Rock remained
The name exalted above
All other gods and names

Each and ev’ry lamb for whom You bled and died
You will never fail to strengthen and sustain
Your inheritance You cannot cast aside
For the praise and blessing of Your glorious name

Though the waves arose
The solid Rock remained
The name exalted above
All other gods and names

Mark 4:35  On that day, when evening had come, he said to them, “Let us go across to the other side.” 36  And leaving the crowd, they took him with them in the boat, just as he was. And other boats were with him. 37  And a great windstorm arose, and the waves were breaking into the boat, so that the boat was already filling. 38  But he was in the stern, asleep on the cushion. And they woke him and said to him, “Teacher, do you not care that we are perishing?” 39  And he awoke and rebuked the wind and said to the sea, “Peace! Be still!” And the wind ceased, and there was a great calm. 40  He said to them, “Why are you so afraid? Have you still no faith?” 41  And they were filled with great fear and said to one another, “Who then is this, that even wind and sea obey him?”

Jeremiah 50:33: “Thus says the LORD of hosts: The people of Israel are oppressed, and the people of Judah with them. All who took them captive have held them fast; they refuse to let them go. Their Redeemer is strong; the LORD of hosts is his name. He will surely plead their cause, that he may give rest to the earth, but unrest to the inhabitants of Babylon.”

I Chronicles 16:25 For great is the LORD, and greatly to be praised, and he is to be held in awe above all gods.

Now I’d like to give you a little background behind “Though the waves arose.”

Last Sunday our pastor announced he was going to be leaving to take another pastorate, and his final Sunday with us will be July 31.

When the words left his lips, I found myself in tears, but soon enough, by the goodness and grace of God, I found the tears slowing as I turned to Isaiah 63 and planted myself right there in the sovereign love and care of God, that no matter my feelings or my perceptions about it, as God leads His people, He is not haphazard or cruel, but His love never fails, and He is always purposeful, always working for the good of His children and always working to make for Himself an everlasting and glorious name.

You may wonder how I got to Isaiah 63…

The day before, I’d read Joseph Hart’s hymn “Blessed is the Man that endureth Temptation” and was blessed and encouraged by that, and in particular by the final two lines:

I couldn’t remember those exact words on Sunday morning, but I did remember the general idea and I had also been looking at related Scriptures the night before, including that passage in Isaiah 63. (Sunday afternoon I did end up posting the hymn and some associated Scriptures here.) So it was as if God had truly provided me with that extra portion of manna for the Sabbath: in this case the assurance that He would finish what he had begun, though it was up to Him as to what that way would be.

God is certainly choosing a way I wasn’t expecting, but He is God and I am not! I am trusting Him to finish what He has begun. I don’t know what this will mean for me in particular, but I am asking for God’s grace to be patient and wait upon God and to have faith to believe God is leading this congregation (and me) in a way that will make for Himself an everlasting and glorious name, for that’s really the bottom line, isn’t it?

On Monday morning, I went out to a nearby park to sit and read for a while. Afterwards, I wanted to do some walking, so I took my books/backpack back to my car first. On the way, I became quite sad and overwhelmed once again about our pastor leaving and began questioning a lot of things and crying, but right away it was almost as if God lifted me out of time and reminded me of how He had worked wonderfully in our last church, through some very difficult and trying circumstances to draw me closer to Him and increase my love for Him (see here and here) and how my attitude at that point was mostly one of self-absorption and self-pity (the latter Oswald Chambers said was of the devil).

After I’d taken my books to my car, I got a sermon cued up on my iPod and then began walking. I’d not walked very far, and then I heard someone call my name. It was a Christian sister whom I’d not seen in several years… and to add to this – she now lives several hundred miles away (almost a five hour drive) in another state! She was visiting in town and was out walking with another believer. After I shared with them about our pastor leaving, we all prayed together. It was truly a sweet and a wonderful evidence of God’s providential care in the storm!

So that gives you some sense as to why I wrote what I did today regarding Christ being that solid Rock in the storm and waves.

God always provides His people with all we need for the journey, and I wanted to give Him thanks and praise for the precious manna He has been providing for me before, during and since Sunday morning, the time the storm hit.

In my last update, after giving some excerpts from the story of William Carey, I wrote that

In spite of what’s happening with our pastor and our church, I do not want to be dissuaded, I wish to continue undaunted in the work God has for me to do. I am praying God would strengthen me to do so.

As you are led, I would appreciate your praying not only for me but also for our congregation, that we would be filled with God’s wisdom as we go about calling our next pastor and we would be knit together in God’s Spirit and be of one heart and mind.

I’ll close with a little more from Hart’s hymn, which makes for a fitting prayer: