sin

  • Update/prayer requests – October 7, 2010

    In my last real update on July 26, I mentioned that I was feeling

    the need to be taking time more alone with Him, not only to speak to Him but also to hear Him…

    This is one reason I’ve not been posting as much on any of my blogs, including this one.

    My obligation is first and foremost to seeking the Lord and His will for me. I could feel guilty about not posting or feel like I’m a quitter or a failure for not following through with blogging, and I confess that at times I have felt that, but I realize those thoughts are not from the Lord, but are coming from my flesh and the devil and the world. Jesus Christ is the only One whose expectations I need to be concerned about. When you post something, you feel you accomplish something, you have something to point to and can say, “Look at me! I wrote this.” (Of course, if there’s anything good I posted, it wasn’t me, but the Lord at work in me.) Or, when you post, you put yourself out there and feel like you might get noticed and commended. Those are all things that God is wanting me to slay by the power of His Spirit. My desires to be noticed and for attention are ungodly and evil desires. By the grace of God at work in me, I’m going to fight my flesh and try not to post something just to post something, but only to post as the Lord is laying something on my heart. Same thing w/ making comments on others’ blogs. And to clarify: though I will recommend posts from this site, I rarely post comments on others’ blogs from this site, but I do that from my other site on occasion. (Yes, I confess deerlife does make visits  w/ another dear deer and does banter with an unnamed llama from time to time. )

    Now, more about my journey to prayer…

    A few years back, the Lord had been trying to get my attention about my need to pray, and, well, I knew that in my head of course, since we all pretty much know we should be praying from the time we become Christians. And, as most of us have done at one time or another, I’d made resolutions to pray, but it took God repeatedly showing me (hammering me) over and over and over again about my total depravity, my total insufficiency and my total inability to do anything apart from Him. That included a lot of failures, frustrations, humiliation and tears. Until we come to the end of ourselves, we don’t see the necessity of prayer and of our need to seek Him. So long as we can get by pretty well on our own, we won’t get down on our knees in humble dependence and cry out to Him for living water and daily bread and His Holy Spirit. Thank God for His sovereign hand at work in drawing me to Himself through his loving Fatherly discipline.

    So now, after all that time, the Holy Spirit has been softening my hard heart sufficiently so those seeds are finally beginning to sprout a bit, so I might really begin to understand in small measure the utter necessity of prayer and seek out time to spend with God in prayer. This calling to prayer intensified early in 2009 (I wrote about it here, and that was why I started up tent of meeting, my other website devoted to prayer for revival). And it has further intensified and expanded since that time. In short, God has been giving me more of a passion to be praying for and encouraging workers to be sent into the harvest and praying for His Gospel to go to all the nations; I’ve alluded to that in a few posts on naphtali_deer, my other blog (e.g. – see here and here). I’m not exactly sure where all of that is going in my life, but I am finally seeing that the Gospel going to the nations is for our joy, for the joy of the nations and for God’s joy and is part of God’s glorious plan to exalt Himself. About a week ago, I stood outside and looked up into heaven and said something like, “God, why did it take me so long to get this?!” I cry now as I consider this. I mean, I’ve been a Christian for almost 28 years now. Of course, I knew we should be supporting missions, I knew the Biblical teaching that God had a plan to save some from every tribe, every language, every people and every nation (e.g. – Rev. 5), but only when God and the mission of God got a hold of my heart did I really begin to see. (Not that I see all yet today, I know that…) As I’ve mentioned, I am a slow learner, but thanks be to God, He is persevering and longsuffering with hard-hearted and stubborn sinners like me and His mercies and kindnesses will follow us and pursue us and His Holy Spirit will lead us into all truth and will lead us in the way we should go. This is one reason I am so passionate about young people not wasting their lives. I wasted much of mine. I was lukewarm for too long. One minute of lukewarmness is too long! Thanks be to God, He has been gracious to me and has been working to restore the years the locusts of my self-absorption and spiritual dullness had eaten up.

    I confess that I continue to fumble and slip and slide as I seek to go up to meet with Him on His holy mountain, but I know there is grace abounding for sinners like me there and He never casts out those who come to Him, He never despises those who are humble and seeking to worship Him in Spirit and in truth. I love to spend time with Him. And I know He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him. He has also begun to show me that If we are not asking hard things of Him, we are insulting Him and limiting Him. Also, if we are not persevering in prayer, we do not show we consider Him precious enough to spend time with Him and we think we are adequate apart from His resources. These are just a few scattered thoughts here. My heart is full of Him. He is faithful to hear and to save. And He is calling us to watch in prayer with Him so we will not grow faint. To whom else can we go? He has the words of eternal life. He is our life!

    What about deerlife….

    My intent in starting deerlife was for mutual edification and encouragement, but for the past several months, most of my writing has been taking place on my other blog, so If I’m not posting here, I would encourage you to be reading there. And if you have a heart for prayer, I encourage you to visit tent of meeting, though I’ve not been posting there as often either.

    I also invite those of you who feel led to do so, to please message me with prayer requests and the like. Some of you I know better than others, but I believe this is one way God does want me to be supporting you at the current time. I hope I will have the opportunity to blog here more regularly, but I can’t say at the moment. I’m leaving that in the hands of the Lord.

    I also strongly encourage you to be seeking out and praying for fellowship in your own churches and communities. I think that is one of the greatest weaknesses of the Church today; we are lacking the fellowship God intended us to have. That leads into my next point…

    A way you can be praying for me…

    As I mentioned several months ago here, I’d begun to take some steps toward developing friendships and fellowship in our current church home. I would appreciate continued prayer for that. I’m not going to repeat all that, but I’d encourage you to read my thoughts in that post as you have opportunity to do so.

    In light of that, I’d like to share an excerpt from the “Memoir and Remains of R. M. M’Cheyne” by Andrew Bonar. I really like Bonar’s description of how M’Cheyne viewed his friendships and the opportunities he had with people. I found this challenging and I think it really speaks for itself as to how you can be praying for me (and how we can be praying for one another) as I continue to step out in faith to develop and cultivate friendships in our churches (and elsewhere) and how we all ought to making the most of every opportunity we have here.

       His visits to friends were times when he sought to do good to their souls; and never was he satisfied unless he could guide the conversation to bear upon the things of eternity. When he could not do so, he generally remained silent. And yet his demeanour was easy and pleasant to all, exhibiting at once meekness of faith, and delicacy of feeling. There was in his character a high refinement that came out in poetry and true politeness; and there was something in his graces that reminded one of his own remark, when explaining “the spices” of Song iv. 16, when he said, that “some believers were a garden that had fruit trees, and so were useful; but we ought also to have spices and so be attractive.” Wishing to convey his grateful feelings to a fellow labourer in Dundee, he sent him a Hebrew Bible, with these few lines prefixed :—

    Anoint mine eyes,
    O holy Dove!
    That I may prize
    This book of love.

    Unstop mine ear,
    Made deaf by sin,
    That I may hear
    Thy voice within.

    Break my hard heart,
    Jesus, my Lord,
    In the inmost part
    Hide thy sweet word.

    It was on a similar occasion, in 1838, that he wrote the lines, ” Thy word is a lamp unto my feet.” At another time, sitting under a shady tree, and casting his eye on the hospitable dwelling in which he found a pleasant retreat, his grateful feelings flowed out to his kind friend in the lines that follow:—

    “PEACE TO THIS HOUSE.”

    Long may peace within this dwelling
    Have its resting place;
    Angel shields all harm repelling—
    God, their God of grace.

    May the dove-like Spirit guide them
    To the Upright land!
    May the Saviour-shepherd feed them
    From his gentle hand!

       Never was there one more beloved as a friend, and seldom any whose death could cause so many to feel as if no other friend could ever occupy his room. Some, too, can say that so much did they learn from his holy walk, “that it is probable a day never passes wherein they have not some advantage from his friendship.”

       I find written on the leaf of one of his note-books, a short memorandum. ” Rules worth remembering.—When visiting in a family, whether ministerially or otherwise, speak particularly to the strangers about eternal things. Perhaps God has brought you together just to save that soul.” And then he refers to some instances which occurred to himself, in which God seemed to honour a word spoken in this incidental way.

    Thank you…and a final request…

    I thank God for each of you and for your friendship, fellowship and support. I appreciate your continued prayers for clarity and wisdom for me in all things, including my blogging, specifically that I would not rely on myself but on Christ alone and seek the wisdom that comes from above. In Bible Study Fellowship we’ve been studying through the book of Isaiah and for chapter 5 we were challenged to ask ourselves which of the woes applies to us. For numerous reasons, I answered the woe about those who see themselves as wise in their own eyes for I know it’s far too tempting and too easy for me to get puffed up and carried away with my own ideas or thoughts.

    Isaiah 5:21: Woe to those who are wise in their own eyes,
    and shrewd in their own sight!

    I Corinthians 1:26  For consider your calling, brothers: not many of you were wise according to worldly standards, not many were powerful, not many were of noble birth. 27  But God chose what is foolish in the world to shame the wise; God chose what is weak in the world to shame the strong; 28  God chose what is low and despised in the world, even things that are not, to bring to nothing things that are, 29  so that no human being might boast in the presence of God. 30  He is the source of your life in Christ Jesus, whom God made our wisdom and our righteousness and sanctification and redemption. 31  Therefore, as it is written, “Let the one who boasts, boast in the Lord.”

    Romans 11:36  For from him and through him and to him are all things. To him be glory forever. Amen.

    Yours in Christ, pressing on to know Him by His grace alone,
    Karen

    Related:

    a challenge to you (God has some secret ones in all places)
    Naphtali News: the Ministry of the Word & Prayer

    Scripture quotations are taken from The Holy Bible, English Standard Version. Copyright ©2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

  • “It is our truest happiness to live entirely for the glory of Christ.” (M’Cheyne)

    I’ve been reading through the “Memoir and Remains of R. M. M’Cheyne” by Andrew Bonar. I’ve already posted a couple times on the book at tent of meeting (see here and here). Some of you know how much I appreciated reading through “George Whitefield’s Journals” and how I look to Whitefield as an example and for inspiration (of course, knowing full well, that we need to take care not to idolize others nor to set ourselves up for a sense of inadequacy as we compare ourselves to others). I have to say this book and the life of M’Cheyne rank right up there with the Whitefield and the Journals.

    I’d like to bring a quote today from a letter M’Cheyne wrote to the Rev. Dan Edwards October 2, 1840:

    It is our truest happiness to live entirely for the glory of Christ—to separate between “I” and “the glory of Christ.” We are always saying, what have I done—was it my preaching—my sermon — my influence; whereas we should be asking, what hath God wrought? Strange mixed beings we are! How sweet it will be to drop our old man, and be pure as Christ is pure.

    I can’t help but note that M’Cheyne wrote this at age 27, and he lived for less than two and half years after this time.

    I confess I share M’Cheyne’s struggle. I so agree how sweet it will be to drop my old man and be pure as Christ is pure!

    I shake my head and wonder sometimes why God uses me (us). I find it dumbfounding and deeply humbling how God continues to use people like me (like us) even as I (we) struggle in these ways. Even as I (we) continue to have such mixed motives in ministry.

    I John 3:1  See what kind of love the Father has given to us, that we should be called children of God; and so we are. The reason why the world does not know us is that it did not know him. 2  Beloved, we are God’s children now, and what we will be has not yet appeared; but we know that when he appears we shall be like him, because we shall see him as he is. 3  And everyone who thus hopes in him purifies himself as he is pure.

    4  Everyone who makes a practice of sinning also practices lawlessness; sin is lawlessness. 5  You know that he appeared to take away sins, and in him there is no sin. 6  No one who abides in him keeps on sinning; no one who keeps on sinning has either seen him or known him. 7  Little children, let no one deceive you. Whoever practices righteousness is righteous, as he is righteous. 8  Whoever makes a practice of sinning is of the devil, for the devil has been sinning from the beginning. The reason the Son of God appeared was to destroy the works of the devil. 9  No one born of God makes a practice of sinning, for God’s seed abides in him, and he cannot keep on sinning because he has been born of God.

    Holy Father, I am Your child because I have been united with Christ by grace through faith. Thank You for adopting me into Your family, though I was not worthy. Help me now to walk worthy of that calling. I have been united to Christ and given the Holy Spirit so I might live like Your blessed Son, who lived for a holy life to Your glory alone. O, that I might be able to separate between “I” and “the glory of Christ.” How we all continue to fight this temptation, but particularly as we seek to minister in Your Name. Thank You for the privilege You have given all of Your children to be ambassadors for Jesus Christ. I confess how often I do not walk with purity in that calling. Forgive me, Holy Father. Cleanse me by the blood of the Lamb. Anytime I live for my own glory is a grave sin against You. To strive to lift myself up is an affront to You and Your glory, shows contempt for Christ’s life and blood given for mine, and it grieves Your Holy Spirit. Sanctify and strengthen me with Your resurrection power through Your indwelling Holy Spirit so I might not continue to seek my own glory but seek Your glory alone. Grant me abundant grace to purify myself as You are pure, to put off the old man and put on the new, to live for Christ and not my own lusts – all so You alone might receive all the praise, honor and glory in all I do. I know that my truest happiness is to live entirely for the glory of Christ! That is why when I begin to even desire a bit of the glory for myself, Your Holy Spirit begins to convict me of that and makes me miserable. Thank You, Holy Spirit, for Your continued promptings, for renewing my mind, for leading me into all truth so Jesus Christ might be lifted up. Help my heart to remain soft and pliable and my ears to continue to hear You speak to me. I know this is all impossible with me, but is possible with You! Be merciful and gracious to me for Jesus’ sake. Send me grace sufficient for my need as I seek to lift up Jesus Christ to Your glory alone. Amen.

  • quick update/prayer requests – June 1, 2010

    Dear friends in Christ,

    I’ve found myself in the midst of writing another post on transparency and intimacy in our relationships within the Body of Christ as a follow-up to these:

    I’d appreciate your prayers for writing (as usual).

    However, as I’ve been working on this post, as sometimes happens, the Holy Spirit convicted me once more of my lack of love for my brothers and sisters in Christ. (Blogging for my own sanctification = Priceless. As has been said, if the preacher is not preaching the message first to himself, then what kind of effect can his message really have on his congregation, what kind of life will inhabit his words if the words haven’t broken him first?)

    How could I not be convicted when I found myself writing and then asking myself questions like these (I’m not actually sure these will make it to the final post or not…I’ve been changing it up a bit since I first wrote these, but haven’t gotten to editing this section of the post yet):

    When we don’t have such fellowship with our brothers and sisters who are in the light, can we say we are God’s beloved children?

    When we don’t have such fellowship with our brothers and sisters who are in the light, can we say we are walking in love toward them?

    When we don’t have such fellowship with our brothers and sisters who are in the light, can we say we are loving them as Christ loved us?

    When we don’t have such fellowship with our brothers and sisters who are in the light, can we say we are a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God?

    The Lord once again caught me in my impatience toward, lack of love for, and judgmental attitudes toward those in the Body who may not believe exactly the same as I do. I’m not talking about differences in essential doctrine. To tell you the truth, I’m pretty sure I’ve never met anyone who believes exactly the same as me on the nonessentials. Even though I highly value unity in the Body, I still keep tripping up and trying to remake people into my own image. Grrr! Make war against self! Make war against the lust to scheme and manipulate! Yes, I am so much a Jacob. *sigh*

    Sure, there are things I can pray for people that I believe they ought to be growing in, but I can’t be the Holy Spirit to them. And besides that, who’s to say my understanding is 100% correct. Please! Self-centered much?! All I know is that I’m to lift up Christ, to present the Word of God as the Spirit shows me and empowers me, and to do so in love (it’s not really the Spirit’s work if it’s not bathed in love, is it?!), to pray expectantly (yes, pray more!) and to be patient and to trust the Lord to work as He wills and not maneuver and usurp the Holy Spirit’s unique place in convicting, teaching and guiding His people into all truth – that’d be His truth, not my version of it.

    Once more I Corinthians 16:13-14 came to mind:

    13  Be watchful, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong. 14  Let all that you do be done in love. 

    Yes, we’re to be watchful, stand firm in the faith, and be strong…but along with that we’re to let all we do be done IN LOVE!

    Lord, have mercy on me, a sinner…I have a hard time loving like You loved me.

    I John 4:20  If anyone says, “I love God,” and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen cannot love God whom he has not seen. 21  And this commandment we have from him: whoever loves God must also love his brother. 

    Um, brain drain…there was something else I’d wanted to share here, I think, but I can’t remember it right now. Well, this is plenty, and this is plenty important.

    So, I guess this is my small step of obedience into a little more transparency. (Practice what you blog, or rather blog what you practice, right? Isn’t that part of what James was talking about ~ James 3…)

    Thank you for coming here to read. I thank and praise God for each of you and very much appreciate your prayers and your kind words and support. 

    If there are any ways I can be praying for you, please let me know.

    Yours in Christ, a sinner saved and sustained by His grace alone,

    Karen