revival

  • Thankful for UNanswered prayer

    In my last post I told you I was going away on retreat. I thank all of you for praying and those of you who asked me about it.

    If you remember, my desire to go away was in large part to seek the Lord’s face for wisdom for specific leading regarding women’s ministry at my church. I will say that I continue to be humbled because I have seen God work without my pushing (a sinful tendency of mine), and He has opened doors to present me with a wonderful opportunity and I’ve been given a lot of freedom, i.e.- pretty much what I think I should to/would like to do!

    God met me wonderfully while I was away. As I recount and reflect on the experience once again, it takes me to a sort of holy hush. I am somewhat hesitant to share my experiences at times, but I believe I am supposed to in this case.

    The last couple weeks prior to my retreat, Psalm 102:17 (as well as other parts of that Psalm) continued to come to mind:

    17  He shall regard the prayer of the destitute, and shall not despise their prayer.

    Last Tuesday night, my first night away on retreat, as I was praying for specific direction for the women’s ministry, these words (inaudibly) came to me: “I have heard your prayer.” You know how you can look through the promises of Scripture and reason it out. In this case, yes, I had been praying according to God’s will, I am seeking wisdom, something He has told us to ask for and He does desire the church to be built up with good teaching so souls might be fed and so on, and therefore He should be hearing me and so on. Well, of course, I knew all that, but this was something beyond all that. This was not of my own positive thinking but from outside me and above me. The Lord regarded my prayer in a living sense. There was the promise on the written page which I knew, but now the promise was written on my heart, the direct work on the heart that God’s Holy Spirit was prophesied in Old Testament (Jeremiah 31, Ezekiel 36) and then made manifest in the New Testament (Hebrews 8, Romans 8).

    As my time went along as I was away, I was still a bit disconcerted, since though I definitely know I can’t put God on a timetable, I was really hoping I would come away with some clearer sense of direction as to what to do w/ this women’s ministry (yes, I already have a great sense of the values I wish to impart, e.g.- hunger for God & His Word, seeking to know Him experientially, etc., as God’s Spirit works effectually in the women), but the nuts and bolts of that were still unclear. Being brutish and foolish (and perhaps a bit like Gideon), the next night (my last night away), I lay down before Him once again to pray for direction, feeling a bit like the man at midnight, who needs bread for his friends (I so long to be used to feed the souls at our church) and once more the same words (“I have heard your prayer”) came once again without my barely being able to speak a thing. I got up right then and there assured God would give me specific direction – in HIS way and in HIS time. (Yes, I know I must work and prepare and study and continue to pray, but now I should be able to do so w/ full assurance and no anxiety but perfect peace that my Father will not give me a serpent when I ask for fish and so forth.)

    After this all happened I went back and looked at Psalm 102 again.

    Yes, so there was the inner assurance God had heard my prayer and would not despise it! Not only once, but twice! I was going to Him destitute – admitting I could do nothing and I had nothing. The Lord is magnificently glorified and exalted when we admit we are nothing and He must do everything, and when we admit we have nothing and He must give us everything! That is the glory of the Christian life! All of God, all to God’s glory alone!

    There is so much to Psalm 102 that is beautiful, especially verse 16 – since it deals with the Lord building up Zion and appearing in glory. That is what God wants to do in the decaying church of our day, and, as you know, that is the great desire of my heart, that revival might come again to the Church. The Lord wants to breathe life and fire into His people, into His Church, into each one of His own, including each one of us. So along with verse 17, we can’t help but see that when we are consumed with praying for the Lord to build up Zion and to appear in glory, when we are saying we are destitute and we’re not going to rely on our own devices or wisdom, certainly He will regard our prayers and not despise them. We can be assured that as we are in concert with Him and His desire to build up Zion and seeking for Him to come down in glory, and we are working to prepare the way for Him to do so, He will regard our prayers and not despise them! HIS Kingdom come! Build up Zion! Appear in glory!

    Then I looked back at v. 13. He “shall arise and have mercy…” I looked up the Hebrew word for mercy (lo and behold I discovered I had a Strong’s concordance in one of my free iPod touch apps – a wonderful surprise to me! :) ). The word there means to fondle. But not fondle in that bad sense, in the context of molestation, but fondle as in to truly love and to caress. The Father’s love! And then I looked at Isaiah 14 (we’d been studying that chapter in BSF the past week) and it was the exact same word in Isaiah 14:1a!

    Isaiah 14:1: For the LORD will have mercy on Jacob, and will still choose Israel, and settle them in their own land…

    How wondrous is that?! God’s never-failing covenant mercies! He fondles us! I truly felt the Father did come and “fondle” me those couple days by speaking to me in that way, by assuring me that He had heard my prayer. Yes, as I said, I knew how when we ask in prayer according to His will, He has heard and will answer. And yes, I had read the promise that He would regard the prayer of the destitute and not despise their prayer….but yet…that extra, His coming alongside me and fondling me in that sense, assuring me, writing His word on my heart in a living sense.

    As I’ve been reflecting on these things, I knew that what had happened was somewhat reminiscent of some accounts of the saints who’d had similar experiences of God’s speaking assurance directly to the soul. Martyn Lloyd-Jones gives some accounts in chapter 5 (The Sense of His Presence) of his book “Joy Unspeakable,” including Howell Harris, Christmas Evans, Charles Finney, as well as the accounts of two Puritans, Edward Elton and Thomas Goodwin. Needless to say, you’ll see why I was (and still am) quite excited when I reread ML-J’s description of Thomas Goodwin’s account (boldface, mine).

    Let me finally tell you again what I regard as one of the most beautiful ways in which this matter has ever been put. It is by Thomas Goodwin, one of those great Puritans again of three hundred years ago, the President of Magdalen College at Oxford during the commonwealth, and a brilliant scholar and preacher. That is the difference between what I call, the customary assurance of the child of God, and this extraordinary assurance. He describes a man and his little child, his son, walking down the road and they are walking hand in hand, and the child knows that he is the child of his father, and he knows that his father loves him, and he rejoices in that, and he is happy in it. There is no uncertainty about it all, but suddenly the father, moved by some impulse, takes hold of that child and picks him up, fondles him in his arms, kisses him, embraces him, showers his love upon him, and then he puts him down again and they go on walking together.

    That is it! The child knew before that his father loved him, and he knew that he was his child. But oh! this loving embrace, this extra outpouring of love, this unusual manifestation of it––that is the kind of thing. The Spirit bearing witness with our spirit, that we are the children of God.

    This is the outstanding characteristic of the baptism with the Spirit. God gives us grace to examine ourselves in the light of these things…Do you know anything of the glory of God, this immediacy, this certainty, this absolute assurance given by the Spirit that banishes all doubt and uncertainty and you know that God loves you in particular with an everlasting love in Jesus Christ?

    Honestly, though I did remember this account in a general sense, I did not at all remember that the word “fondling” was used – the very same word that God had impressed upon me in light of the experience I’d had.

    As I have sat back and reflected more on all this, I can see what I should have seen beforehand: would I rather have had a clear syllabus of study or a clear affirmation from the Lord has heard my prayer and a greater assurance of His love for me? That’s a no brainer! Yes, I certainly do need the specific direction (and I am trusting He will give it), but how wonderful it is that He revealed His love to me in that way! So this is why I say I am thankful for UNanswered prayer. If God the Father had answered my prayer as I thought best, how much would I have missed out on? How great the Father’s love for us!

    And here’s something else: I have actually come to the point on a few occasions where I’ve said, “If I never get to lead/teach the women at this church, it has been worth it all, to KNOW the Lord more experientially in this special way, to know the Father’s love more deeply. And to learn in a greater sense how blessed it is to be destitute before Him, to know that He truly does regard our prayers and does not despise them.”

    I know these are holy things and I share them only so you might be aware of the “glorious possibilities” (as Lloyd-Jones put it) of the Christian life. No, we do not seek experiences, but we do seek the living God through spending time with Him in His Word and prayer and obedience in what we know, and as we do so, we can trust that He will reveal Himself to us as He deems best for each of our souls. Let us not say these things were only for Bible times or for certain special people. We are all children of God! We have all been chosen and lavished with His love, mercy and grace. So let us press on to know Him more and may we never limit and quench or grieve Him by saying He will not or cannot ever choose to visit us in such wonderful ways (nor should we insist that He must choose to visit us in certain ways and at certain times). The apostle Paul has said that our faces are now unveiled before the Lord and we can behold His glory and are being changed from glory to glory. No, we cannot predict how or when we might see God and His glory, and I admit these things are mysterious and even difficult to talk about, but let us expect that we may behold His glory and then trust Him to reveal Himself to us as He deems best – for our profit and for His glory, all so we might be more and more enraptured and captivated by His love for us.

    Let us also be sober as we remember the account in the gospels which tells us that the Lord Jesus could do no mighty works in Nazareth because of their unbelief (Mark 6:5, Matthew 13:58).

    Lord, as You will, open our eyes to the possibilities of Your glory, and then as You will, show us Your glory so we might be strengthened and built up so we might be used by You to build Your Church!

    I share these experiences with you humbly for I know there is nothing in me to deserve or merit anything at all from the Lord. The apostle Paul spoke of holding nothing back that was profitable (Acts 20:20), and I believe these things will be for your profit.

    I do wish to remind you that yes, though it is true our Christian faith is squarely based on historical facts, from the Scripture itself, that there is an objective body of truth, yet we can experience these truths and experience the Lord Himself in a living and active way. The Lord God is a living God, He is not an idol made of wood, therefore there are times when He may choose to meet His children in such special ways, to fondle us, so to speak. No, we cannot work them up, we cannot predict them, but there are times when He may choose to come down and surprise us because such experiences are for our good, for His glory and for the furtherance of His Gospel and the building up of the Church.

    I have recently have been pleasantly surprised with some wonderful fellowship with an older seasoned saint (quite Reformed, I will add) who has introduced me to the book “More than Notion” by J.H. Alexander.  Below is the author’s note on the title “More than Notion.” I think this wonderfully expresses my concern that too much of our Christianity today has become only notion, and I have become increasingly convinced that true religion must indeed be “More than Notion.”

    True religion ought always to be accompanied by deep feeling. It must be so because of its spiritual character. No one laid more emphasis on the spirituality of religion than its founder. In order to enforce the vital necessity of spiritual experience the Lord Jesus frequently resorted to the use of paradox as when He said, ‘He that findeth his life shall lose it but whosoever loseth his life for my sake shall find it’. It was, therefore, natural that the spiritual-minded believers at Pulverbach should turn to the hymns of Joseph Hart. For this minister had passed through deep waters himself and his hymns, though often quaint, are unique in their use of the paradoxical method. We can do no better to illustrate the point than by printing the lines from which our title was taken.

    “Vain is all our best devotion,
    If on false foundations built;
    True religion’s more than notion,
    Something must be known and felt.’

    ‘Tis to credit contradictions;
    Talk with him one never sees;
    Cry and groan beneath afflictions,
    Yet to dread the thoughts of ease.

    ‘Tis to feel the fight against us,
    Yet the victory hope to gain;
    To believe that Christ has cleansed us,
    Though the leprosy remain.

    ‘To be steadfast in believing,
    Yet to tremble, fear, and quake;
    Every moment be receiving
    Strength, and yet be always weak.

    To be fighting, fleeing, turning;
    Ever sinking, yet to swim;
    To converse with Jesus, mourning
    For ourselves or else for him.’”

    Can you relate to Hart’s words? Have you begun to know the Lord Jesus in such intimate ways?

    As many of you know I have been writing a LOT on assurance and joy on my other blog. I am convinced that my recent foray into joy in Oct. 2009 was begun in large measure because I had prayed a few weeks before that time along the lines of I Thessalonians 1:5:

    For our gospel came not unto you in word only, but also in power, and in the Holy Ghost, and in much assurance; as ye know what manner of men we were among you for your sake.

    I had begun to see how I needed that power and assurance, and was frustrated, but at the time I couldn’t see that was all wrapped up in my having a greater sense of God’s love and joy. And then as I began to ask for joy, the assurance and power has begun to come as well. (I say “begun to,” for I still know I must press on to know Him more.)

    Our experiences of Christ do lead to greater assurance and power in the Holy Spirit. They are not merely for us to be edified, though we will be edified and we will enjoy God through them. But those experiences do lead to the reality that our testimony is no longer in word only and our knowledge of God begins to become “more than notion,” it becomes a truly living faith, not only propositions believed with the mind (though yes, we must believe with the mind), but we also come to believe with all the heart and soul as well. That is what will make our witness to others effectual and life-giving and powerful – that first-hand experience of HIM, when our religion does begin to become “MORE than notion.” Yes, we certainly do enjoy our God Himself through our experiences of Him. Amen! Indeed! And yet do we not enjoy Him ALL THE MORE as we speak of Him and His dealings with us TO AND WITH OTHERS?

    While away on my retreat and as I reflected on God’s goodness to me, in coming to me and assuring me my prayer had been heard, I wrote:

    It delights me to receive these things but dare I say it delights me more to share them. Is this what the apostle Paul means: “It is more blessed to give than to receive”? We know all we have is not of us – it bursts out at times.

    So, it is bursting out here. My desire is for you to know Him more and more, not merely know of Him, that your religion become “More than notion.” I am convinced that is exactly what happened in the early Church at Pentecost and that is what has happened in during each and every time of genuine revival. God’s people are taken up with God Himself and cannot help but speak of Him. This is what we see in the book of Acts. These believers kept preaching Christ wherever they went, in spite of threats and persecution: For we cannot but speak the things which we have seen and heard. They didn’t have to be pushed out, the Spirit compelled them and gave them a holy boldness. They couldn’t be stopped! That is the type of faith, a living faith, a true religion, a religion that is “more than notion,” that will begin to turn the world upside down. May we pray for God’s Spirit to fall fresh on us and then continue to fall again and again. Let us be filled with the Spirit!

    I thank God for each of you and I pray you would seek His face and all He has for you, that you would not fear based on misconceptions, abuses or false teachings in Christianity over the work of the Holy Spirit, all so you might truly know the breadth, and length, and depth, and height of the Father’s love for you in Jesus Christ.

    I will add here that I have no specific answer yet regarding the women’s ministry but I continue to trust He will bring it. I am enjoying Him immensely on this adventure and I hope and pray you will as well.

    For the fullness of your joy and for the fullness of His glory in the Church,
    Karen

    Related posts:

    from past saints:

    Scripture quotations are taken from the New King James Version. Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

  • Love for the brethren (Evan Roberts & the Welsh Revival of 1904-05)

    In my last post I wrote on my struggle to love my brothers and sisters in Christ as I ought.

    During times of revival, differences on nonessential matters seem to grow strangely dim in the light of God’s glory and grace. The true oneness we share becomes more visible as the Holy Spirit falls and works to purify believers and impart a greater love for our God as well as for one another. (How can we say we’re part of the family of God if we’re not loving the other family members as our heavenly Father loves them?)

    I’ve been reading “An Instrument of Revival: The Complete Life of Evan Roberts, 1878-1951″ (Brynmor Pierce Jones, Bridge Publishing: South Plainfield, NJ, 1995). Evan Roberts was used by God in the Welsh Revival of 1904-05. He had a God-given desire for the brothers and sisters in Christ to love one another as Jesus Christ has loved us. Here are some excerpts from the book (boldface, mine).

         Perhaps the greatest sensation occurred on 22 December when Evan gave time and opportunity to a Turk and then to an Armenian whose people had suffered at the hands of the Turks. He wanted to illustrate one of his personal burdens: “If you do not love the brethren there is no unity. If you have received the Savior you should be one with each other.” Evan often rebuked those who prayed for only their own chapel, denomination or country. One of his finer sermons, based on the Archdruid’s call at the National Eisteddfod, advocated peace and unity at every level of life.

         It seems sad, therefore, that the freedoms given to English and European visitors caused discontent. Giving them the best seats was bad enough; now they were given time to make platform speeches instead of being content to join in the prayer and praise. To ministers like Dr. Morris and William Evans, it seemed an abuse of the spiritual liberty that Evan Roberts had advocated. Another prominent Welsh preacher, Dr. Cynddylan Jones, sent a letter to the Western Mail (December 22nd) to warn off the eloquent professional evangelists. Even the friendly journalists, Awstin, said these outsiders’ long speeches were embarrassing. Evan Roberts never really solved that problem. How could one say, “You all have full liberty in the Spirit to speak as you are prompted, but you are not to make speeches which trespass on the liberty of others.”
    (61-62)
         The last night of this visit to Aberdare was like a pageant of praise, prayer and testimony. The formerly closed frontiers of age, sex, language and social background were crossed time and again. At length, Evan Roberts stood up in the big seat, a pew usually reserved for deacons. Then he opened his New Testament and slowly and emphatically read the thirteenth chapter of First Corinthians. In a quiet and solemn voice he emphasized the words, “If I have not love I am nothing––nothing––NOTHING,” and then he sat down. That was all, but it was enough.
    (46)
         On Thursday morning, which happened to be free, a small group accompanied Evan to the snow-clad Rhigos mountain above Hirwaun. Mr. H. Roberts, his walking companion, recalled:

    We were all on pleasure bent and each one of us enjoyed the morning in a different way according to each one’s temperament. It was a fine morning in January. Snow covered the mountains round about and we longed to be as pure as the white flakes that lay thickly at our feet…[The description of the climb continued ...]

    When we made our way to the top, the scene was magnificent. We bowed our heads in prayer to Him who made us all. Evan and one other person made public supplication to the Throne of Grace. . . . I have omitted to tell you that on the way up, Evan Roberts wrote on the snow a word which denotes the key to this revival: L-O-V-E.
    (77-78)

    James 2:1  My brothers, show no partiality as you hold the faith in our Lord Jesus Christ, the Lord of glory.

    Romans 15:5  May the God of endurance and encouragement grant you to live in such harmony with one another, in accord with Christ Jesus, 6  that together you may with one voice glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. 7  Therefore welcome one another as Christ has welcomed you, for the glory of God.

    Holy Father, Send the Spirit of Your Son to work in me the love for You and for Your children that I ought to have as Your child.
    May I not grieve, quench or limit Him.



    Related:

    Scripture quotations are taken from The Holy Bible, English Standard Version. Copyright ©2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

  • “when man reaches the lowest depths of unbelief” (William Williams’ “The Experience Meeting”)

     
    This morning (and actually over the past several weeks now), I was struggling with what God was doing and I was struggling with persevering (e.g. – see also here, here, here, here and here.) Once again I began wondering if my time was done. I had no desire to write, no desire to do much of anything, for that matter. I had nothing more to give. I had nothing. I even got to the point where I considered shutting down my blogs and going into a hole somewhere. I wondered if God was done with me, for I do know it is true that He does have certain seasons of ministry for certain people. I had reached just about the lowest depths of unbelief…yet not too low to call out to Him once more:

    Are You not a fountain? (let a drop fall here for me)

    Are You not a fountain?
    my soul is thirsting
    panting
    yearning
    I’m dying
    You’ve promised
    living water
    (haven’t You?)
    where is that living water?
    where are You?
    I’ve got nothing to draw with
    I’ve got nothing
    asking You here for but a drop
    a single drop
    Are You not a fountain?
    Are You not my Father?
    Am I not Your child?
    be merciful to me
    for Jesus’ sake
    let a drop fall here for me
    a single drop
    You are my Father
    You Son opened the way into the holy of holies
    He told me to ask You for my daily bread
    Can I not also ask for my daily drink?
    be merciful to me
    for Jesus’ sake
    if You poured out His blood for me on Calvary
    will You not let a drop fall here for me today
    a single drop
    let a drop fall here for me
    do not forsake me, O my God
    Lead me to your living waters
    wipe away my thirst

    Are You not a fountain?
    my soul is weeping
    tossing
    churning
    I’m crying
    You’re promised
    still waters
    (haven’t You?)
    where are those still waters?
    where are You?
    I’ve got nothing to draw with
    I’ve got nothing
    asking You here for but a drop
    a single drop
    Are You not a fountain?
    Are You not my Father?
    Am I not Your child?
    be merciful to me
    for Jesus’ sake
    let a drop fall here for me
    a single drop
    You are my Father
    You Son opened the way into the holy of holies
    He told me to ask You for my daily bread
    Can I not also ask for my daily drink?
    be merciful to me
    for Jesus’ sake
    if You poured out His blood for me on Calvary
    will You not let a drop fall here for me today
    a single drop
    let a drop fall here for me
    do not forsake me, O my God
    Lead me to Your still waters
    wipe away my tears

    After that I tried (in vain) to take hold of His promises, to regain my footing, to recapture the vision. I finally laid my head down on the table and rested (fitfully).

    A while later I got out some lunch and pulled off the printer a couple articles I’d printed out last night from Reformation and Revival Fellowship, which I’d been intending to read for a few days now. The first article was “Revival in William Williams’ Time” by Eifion Evans, which included a short excerpt from William Williams’ book, “The Experience Meeting: An Introduction to the Welsh Societies of the Evangelical Awakening” which I first read last December and have been meaning to begin rereading…

    As soon as I started reading the article, I went back to the bedroom and snatched up my copy of Williams’ book and read the greater context of the excerpt:

        This is the way the Lord worked in that part of the world.  One time, there were just a few of us, professing believers, gathered together, cold and unbelievably dead, in a meeting which we called a special service, so discouraged as to doubt whether we should ever meet again, some who were usually absent from every meeting, some in a deadly apathy, with nothing to say of God nor of their own souls, some given over to the world and its cares, some backslidden completely from all the means of grace and the ordinances of the gospel, some given over to the flesh and its lusts, as in the days of Noah––seeking a wife, seeking a husband, marrying and giving in marriage––and I myself well nigh disheartened and thinking often of coming to live in warmer spiritual climes, and moving my tent from Ur of the Chaldees nearer to the borders of the Promised Land.  But, even though all things were as I have described them––the world, the flesh and Satan victorious––these special services were yet conducted in an incredibly lifeless manner. There was no encouragement for anyone to carry on the work, save only the promise of God, that wherever two or three coming together in His name, if their purpose were right, however lifeless their present state, He would come to them and bless them.  This alone had made us come together to pray; but our prayers were not much more than groans.

        But at last, forced by cowardice, unbelief and the onslaughts of Satan, we resolved to give up our special meeting: and now we were about to offer a final prayer, fully intending never again to meet thus in fellowship. But it is when man reaches the lowest depths of unbelief that God imparts faith, and when man has failed, then God reveals Himself.  So here, with us in such dire straits, on the brink of despair, with the door shut on every hope of success, God Himself entered into our midst, and the light of day from on high dawned upon us; for one of the brethren––yes, the most timid of us all, the one who was strongest in his belief that God would never visit us––  while in prayer, was stirred in his spirit and laid hold powerfully on heaven, as one who would never let go.  His tongue spoke unusual words, his voice was raised, his spirit was aflame, he pleaded, he cried to God, he struggled, he wrestled in earnest, like Jacob, in the agony of his soul.  The fire took hold of others––all were awakened, the coldest to the most heedless took hold and were warmed; into the battle, with him we laid hold upon God, His attributes, His Word and His promises, resolving that we would never let go on our hold until all our desire should be satisfied.

       And this came to pass, for there fell upon us the sweet breath of the love of the Lord.  We were filled as if with the fulness of the bowls and the horns of the altar––the fire was kindled and we gave voice with our tongues.  The cloud melted away, the sun shone, we drank of the fruit of the vines of the promised land, and we were made to rejoice.  Gone was unbelief––gone guilt––gone fear––gone a timid, cowardly spirit, lack of love, envy, suspicion, together with all the poisonous worms that tormented us before; and in their place came love, faith, hope, a joyful spirit, with a glorious multitude of the graces of the Holy Spirit.  Up till now the service was only beginning, for prayer, singing, praise and blessing were redoubled, and no one felt like bringing things to an end; and now some were weeping, some praising, some singing, some filled with heavenly laughter, and all full of wonder and love and amazement at the Lord’s work––to my mind like the time of the Apostles, when the Spirit descended from on high on a handful of fearful people, and strengthened them mightily to come out of their secret hiding place into the midst of the streets of Jerusalem, and to declare the Name of the Lord before every tribe, tongue and nation that had gathered together there, from the uttermost parts of the earth. As it was then, so it was here now.

        This sound went forth and was spread from parish to parish and from village to village, until innumerable people were carrying around the burning word–men and youths, women and children. Preachers, too, came to us from all parts, having heard at a distance rumours of these workings of God… (8-9)

    * * *

    cold and unbelievably dead…Yes, that’d be me.

    discouraged as to doubt whether we should ever meet again…Yes, that’d be me.

    in a deadly apathy, with nothing to say of God nor of their own souls…Yes, that’d be me.

    I myself well nigh disheartened…Yes, that’d be me.

    the onslaughts of Satan…Yes, that’d be me.

    poisonous worms that tormented…Yes, that’d be me.

    the lowest depths of unbelief…Yes, that’d be me.

    man has failed…Yes, that’d be me.

    about to offer a final prayer…Yes, that’d be me.

    in such dire straits, on the brink of despair, with the door shut on every hope of success…Yes, that’d be me.

    There was no encouragement for anyone to carry on the work…Yes, that’d be me.

    I will say that I’ve known these things in great and greater measure over the past several weeks. I’m not exaggerating this.

    Doubt after doubt has piled up upon me, much like shovelful upon shovelful of dirt being tossed upon a dead body lying motionless and breathless in a closed casket. Shut in, with no hope of escape. No light. No oxygen. No nothing. Nothing.

    Now and again there would be a little glimmer of sunshine. A gasp of wind. A short reprieve.

    But then another shovelful of dirt would come.

    And then the darkness was darker. The deadness was deader.

    And another shovelful.

    Even worse.

    And so on.

    This downward spiral has continued for some time now. Then this morning another shovelful of dirt fell upon me in that casket. I was all but resolved to give up. I wondered if I was supposed to. The dreams – gone. The vision – gone. The hope – gone. The desire – gone. The interest – gone. The faith – gone. The joy – gone. I will say that nothing in particular happened to precipitate this. In fact, I had a wonderful unexpected word of encouragement via a phone call last night.

    What I do know is that a cloud has been descending for some time now and earlier today had firmly planted itself … but this was not the heaven-sent bright cloud of Shekinah glory cloud – but rather a dark cloud of doom and despair, which was earthly, sensual and demonic. (And I will say I know a couple of you have spoken to me of similar experiences as well.)

    But it is when man reaches the lowest depths of unbelief that God imparts faith, and when man has failed, then God reveals Himself.  So here, with us in such dire straits, on the brink of despair, with the door shut on every hope of success, God Himself entered into our midst, and the light of day from on high dawned upon us…

    In the lowest depths of my unbelief . . .

    God imparted faith…
    God revealed Himself…
    God Himself entered into my midst, and the light of day from on high dawned upon me…

    God answered my desperate prayer. He sweetly sent a drop for me today from that fountain…

    That entrance, that drop was in the form of that article which led me to pick up and read Williams’ words and see once again the glorious possibilities God has for us as His children if we persevere in meeting together and seeking His face together.

    Isaiah 30
    18  Therefore the LORD waits to be gracious to you,
    and therefore he exalts himself to show mercy to you.
    For the LORD is a God of justice;
    blessed are all those who wait for him.

    19  For a people shall dwell in Zion, in Jerusalem; you shall weep no more. He will surely be gracious to you at the sound of your cry. As soon as he hears it, he answers you. 20  And though the Lord give you the bread of adversity and the water of affliction, yet your Teacher will not hide himself anymore, but your eyes shall see your Teacher. 21  And your ears shall hear a word behind you, saying, “This is the way, walk in it,” when you turn to the right or when you turn to the left. 22  Then you will defile your carved idols overlaid with silver and your gold-plated metal images. You will scatter them as unclean things. You will say to them, “Be gone!”

    23  And he will give rain for the seed with which you sow the ground, and bread, the produce of the ground, which will be rich and plenteous. In that day your livestock will graze in large pastures, 24  and the oxen and the donkeys that work the ground will eat seasoned fodder, which has been winnowed with shovel and fork. 25  And on every lofty mountain and every high hill there will be brooks running with water, in the day of the great slaughter, when the towers fall. 26  Moreover, the light of the moon will be as the light of the sun, and the light of the sun will be sevenfold, as the light of seven days, in the day when the LORD binds up the brokenness of his people, and heals the wounds inflicted by his blow.

    We have got to hold onto the Lord and His promises to us no matter what, no matter how we might feel, no matter what we might see – for we know our Lord never fails to be gracious and merciful to His people:

    18  Therefore the LORD waits to be gracious to you,
    and therefore he exalts himself to show mercy to you.
    For the LORD is a God of justice;
    blessed are all those who wait for him.

    19  For a people shall dwell in Zion, in Jerusalem; you shall weep no more. He will surely be gracious to you at the sound of your cry. As soon as he hears it, he answers you.

    He waits to be gracious.
    He exalts Himself to show mercy to us.
    He is a God of justice.
    We are blessed as we wait for Him.
    We shall weep no more.
    He will surely be gracious to us at the sound of our cry.
    As soon as we cry, He answers us.

    As soon as we cry, He answers us…

    Yet the answer comes in His time. God’s purpose in waiting is that He might be highly exalted. His answers to our cries are divinely timed and orchestrated for His glory to be displayed in the greatest way possible.

    So though the Lord will give us the bread of adversity and the water of affliction for a time . . .

    . . . in His time He will give rain for the seed with which we sow the ground, and bread, the produce of the ground, which will be rich and plenteous, etc.

    May God give us sufficient grace to wait on Him as He waits to be gracious to us. May He strengthen our grip so we might grab hold of Him and His promises and keep holding on to the hem of His garment. May He strengthen our arms to wrestle with Him until He blesses us. May He open our mouths so we might not keep silent and we might take no rest nor give Him rest. That . . .

    we would never let go on our hold until all our desire should be satisfied...

    Isaiah 62

    1  For Zion’s sake I will not keep silent,
    and for Jerusalem’s sake I will not be quiet,
    until her righteousness goes forth as brightness,
    and her salvation as a burning torch…

    6  On your walls, O Jerusalem,
    I have set watchmen;
    all the day and all the night
    they shall never be silent.
    You who put the LORD in remembrance,
    take no rest,
    7  and give him no rest
    until he establishes Jerusalem
    and makes it a praise in the earth.

    (I’d encourage you to read the whole chapter.)

    If God has set us as watchmen – to speak to the Lord on behalf of His Church and for the Lord to speak to His Church – we can trust He will work in us to will and to do of His good pleasure and keep us persevering in that work.

    One reason I began this blog was because I could see the vital need for us to come together to support one another (please see here and here for more of my thoughts on that). We have got to keep meeting together and holding one another up in prayer as well as praying God would lead us to others locally who are also burdened for the Church – because during those times when even all of us are cold and even all of us are a faint flicker, we can trust that God will rend the heavens and rain down fire to inflame the spirit of one of us so the fire might be kindled, take hold of us and warm the rest of us . . . and then warm others besides us:

    while in prayer, was stirred in his spirit and laid hold powerfully on heaven, as one who would never let go.  His tongue spoke unusual words, his voice was raised, his spirit was aflame, he pleaded, he cried to God, he struggled, he wrestled in earnest, like Jacob, in the agony of his soul.  The fire took hold of others––all were awakened, the coldest to the most heedless took hold and were warmed; into the battle, with him we laid hold upon God, His attributes, His Word and His promises, resolving that we would never let go on our hold until all our desire should be satisfied...

    the fire was kindled…The cloud melted away, the sun shone, we drank of the fruit of the vines of the promised land, and we were made to rejoice.

    This sound went forth and was spread from parish to parish and from village to village, until innumerable people were carrying around the burning word–men and youths, women and children. Preachers, too, came to us from all parts, having heard at a distance rumours of these workings of God…

    Ecclesiastes 4:9  Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. 10  For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up! 11  Again, if two lie together, they keep warm, but how can one keep warm alone? 12  And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him—a threefold cord is not quickly broken.

    I will leave you with a final quote from Williams regarding the formation of such groups of believers to encourage, strengthen and support one another:

    A hundred to one against Satan leaving such a flock of sheep in peace without causing some havoc among them––at least tempting them, troubling them and oppressing them, or drawing them into some false pleasure. (11)

    Anytime the people of God gather together in His Name for His glory, to be about His business, to contend for the Gospel, the lion is sure to be prowling and seeking an opportune time to harass, taunt, weaken, discourage and divide the flock. Let’s not forsake the assembling together, my brothers and sisters. I thank you for allowing me to share my blessings and burdens with you. I thank you for your prayers for me. I would be privileged to do the same for you.

    Yours in Christ, contending with You for the Gospel, seeking His face for revival,
    Romans 11:36,
    Karen