joy

  • Update & prayer requests – November 1, 2010 (I want to be a happy sower)

    If you’ve been reading my other blog, you know that the past couple weeks have been a struggle for me. (Please my posts here, here, here, here and here and here.) I’m not going to recount all that here, but I will say during that time I felt about as pressed and tempted as I have at any time since I’ve been saved, and though not having been afflicted or burdened as much as Paul was, I felt for the first time that I could genuinely relate to Paul’s words in II Corinthians 1:

    8  For we do not want you to be ignorant, brothers, of the affliction we experienced in Asia. For we were so utterly burdened beyond our strength that we despaired of life itself. 9  Indeed, we felt that we had received the sentence of death. But that was to make us rely not on ourselves but on God who raises the dead. 10  He delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us. On him we have set our hope that he will deliver us again.

    The week before last I pulsed

    By the grace of God I will endure all things for the elect, and not only endure, but endure with joy. 2 Tim 2:1-13, Col 1:9-18.

    Then later that same day I expanded on that request in my post asking a hard thing.

    I had seen I was beginning to look to earthly results for my joy and knew I was headed in a very bad direction, very bad.

    My face was not radiant because I was not looking to Him. Psalms 34:5: Those who look to him are radiant, and their faces shall never be ashamed. I was looking pretty ugly and feeling joyless.

    After that time I attended a conference at which I received a hand-out on evangelism. It broke the process into three phrases: cultivating, sowing and harvesting. This was truly a God-sent blessing as I read this under the description of the sowing phase:

    the ELEMENT: SEED = God’s Word . . . The Gospel
    the EXPLANATION: Speaks to the mind w/ revelation. Focus is on communication.
    the EMPHASIS: Proclamation of truth . . . Giving understanding of the Gospel

    As soon as I read that, I thought something like, “This is me! That is just what I love to do and thrive on!” I’m not saying I haven’t ever been involved in or wouldn’t ever be involved in cultivating the soil (human hearts) or harvesting the crop (the reproduced life of Christ in hearts), but God has given me a passion and love to sow seeds, and more particularly to sow seeds among those who are already in the church to shore them up in their faith, so their faith might grow deeper. (Notice that Paul told Timothy to do the work of an evangelist and yet Timothy was a pastor.)

    Since that time I’ve been praying, “If You’ve made me a sower, then I want to be a happy sower! Lord, make me a happy sower!”

    A few days after that I was brought down again and had to scratch and claw back and immerse myself in the Word and God’s promises and to remember that I could always trust God as I am faithful to do what He’s called me to do and not to obsess about the harvest or results.

    This is a continuing battle but I’d not had such an extended and intense period of struggle and temptation with it since over a year ago, when God brought joy to my soul in a way He’d never done before. I’ve known His joy in increasing measure since that time, and I’ve come to know that no one or nothing compares. No one. Nothing. So this whole thing continue to grieve my soul as it grieved His Spirit, I know.

    I am also more convinced than ever that the messages of joy and assurance are so vital to the church since I keep meeting joyless and unassured Christians over and over and over again.

    Jesus Christ came that we might have life and have life abundantly. He came that our joy might be full. The Gospel is a message of great joy to all peoples.

    There is so much more I’ve been wanting to write about all this. I hope and pray the Lord will give me the opportunity to do so. This is not only a vital message for others, but I have to say that it blesses my soul to write about God’s love and the joy He makes available to all of His children through Christ and it also brings God honor and glory as we remind one another that Christ alone is our true joy and His love for us endures forever and we need not doubt or fear or waver in our faith.  What glory! What other love compares to Him! What other joy compares to Him!

    I’ve been reflecting on Isaiah 55 in the past day. I put my iPod touch onto shuffle yesterday and it ended up on a John Piper message Preaching in the Power of the Spirit. It was really excellent and I highly recommend it, but near the end he referenced verses 10 and 11 from Isaiah 55, and since that time I’ve been pondering those (as well as the whole chapter):

    10  “For as the rain and the snow come down from heaven
    and do not return there but water the earth,
    making it bring forth and sprout,
    giving seed to the sower and bread to the eater,
    11  so shall my word be that goes out from my mouth;
    it shall not return to me empty,
    but it shall accomplish that which I purpose,
    and shall succeed in the thing for which I sent it.

    Gospel seed is a gift from God. (Thank You, Lord, for every seed You give me!) I am learning to count Him and that seed ever more precious. I can trust God will accomplish His purposes and it will succeed as He wills.

    One of God’s purposes is that I steward that seed well and do so with joy. So, as He gives it to me, I want to be a faithful steward and sower of His seed, to persevere in sowing seed with joy for the sake of the elect.

    There’s another thing I’ve been pondering. On my post here, David (TravelingStranger) commented, “God bless; keep up the holy work.”

    Holy work. Holy work! The Gospel is holy because God is holy. Anytime we proclaim Christ, we are engaged in holy work. What a wonder that God chooses fallible, broken and feeble vessels like us, but we know it is all to bring God maximum glory (I Cor 1, II Cor 4). What a privilege and joy! As soon as I come to my senses and see the holiness of what I’m doing and the preciousness of the seed I’m sowing, I am melted down and can’t help but weep. I love Jesus and despite my recent wandering, I have known Him as my chief joy and my greatest treasure. I rejoice in Him and treasure Him even more today as I’ve seen His love constraining me back into His fold, to feel His embrace, to hear Him rejoicing over me with singing and quieting me with His love.

    Throughout the day today I could particularly relate to the apostle Paul’s words:

    And I was with you in weakness and in fear and much trembling…

    Realizing the holiness of the task at hand, the awesome responsibility we have, and the hungry souls needing to be fed I was humbled. I knew that in and of myself I could do nothing. That’s a good place to be. And whenever we’re not there we need to ask Him to put us there once again.

    As I said, I’ve been pondering Isaiah 55, and there’s more I would like to write on it, though I’ve not really had time to sit with as much as I’d like, except to say I can’t help but look at verses 4 and 5 and 12 and 13 and see how the Church is in dire need of truly knowing the deep joy of our salvation and having full assurance of God’s love for us:

    4  Behold, I made him a witness to the peoples,
    a leader and commander for the peoples.
    5  Behold, you shall call a nation that you do not know,
    and a nation that did not know you shall run to you,
    because of the LORD your God, and of the Holy One of Israel,
    for he has glorified you.

    12 For you shall go out in joy
    and be led forth in peace;
    the mountains and the hills before you
    shall break forth into singing,
    and all the trees of the field shall clap their hands.
    13 Instead of the thorn shall come up the cypress;
    instead of the brier shall come up the myrtle;
    and it shall make a name for the LORD,
    an everlasting sign that shall not be cut off.”

    If we continue joyless and unassured in our faith, are any nations really going to run to us? If we aren’t having joy and peace in believing and breaking forth into singing, are any nations going to have joy and peace in believing and break forth into singing? Are they going to have any interest in a God whose people are miserable and whining all the time? Are we going to be making a name for the LORD (other than bringing reproach on His Name )?

    However, if we know God and His love in increasing measure so we might be filled with His joy and walk in deeper assurance, in both the dark and cloudy and stormy days as well as in the bright and sunny and calm days, what a witness that will be of God’s everlasting Gospel!

    I do appreciate your friendship and your continuing prayers and support as I strive to be a happy sower by the grace of God at work in me.

    One more thing I would ask you to pray about is for wisdom and discernment for me regarding my place in my local church. Long story short, it appears God is presenting an opportunity to me to have an impact on the women’s ministry there. I want to walk in obedience to God’s will for me and not to jump ahead of Him in this. I tend to jump ahead rather than waiting on Him. That was something our Father has had to discipline me several times in the past. This time around He gave me grace to be able to wait and pray, and I did not push, but now a door has been opening by His hand. (This is what I was referring to in my post Trust, delight, commit (Psalm 37:3-5) a couple days ago.)

    I am also privileged to pray for you, so please feel free to leave requests in the comments below and/or message me.

    The Lord has rejoiced my soul and made me glad!
    Karen

  • How I Spent My Summer, # 1: In the Library (or the story of the $ 95 blog)

    Earlier this summer we traveled out West, with stops in South Dakota, Wyoming and Montana.

    I do hope to post on that sometime. But that will take a bit more effort. Sorting through pictures, etc.

    Today I’d like to share a little story of an incident that happened the Friday after we returned home.

    I often meet up with a friend Friday mornings and sometimes head over to one of my favorite libraries afterwards.

    So I did that very thing that Friday morning.

    I think I’d gotten a little nugget of an idea for the post I began writing that day sometime the night before or that morning.

    As I sat down with my laptop and coffee travel mug (yes, they’re allowed at this library), it began to flow.

    (No, not the coffee, but the words! )

    Praying and reflecting.

    Reading and contemplating on Scripture.

    More writing, some fixes, edits, tweaks.

    Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.

    Etc., etc., etc.

    Finally it was finished.

    If you’ve been reading on my other site, you know I’ve been serious about joy.

    So that post was another one in my series of letters on assurance and fighting for joy.

    dear devil/dear flock of God (day in, day out): Letter 63 on assurance & joy was posted at 2:42 that Friday afternoon.

    Don’t ask me all I did after I posted that entry.

    A bit of reading, commenting, messaging, pondering, looking out the window (nice view), sipping on cold coffee, idk.

    Anyhow, 4:15 rolls around.

    An announcement comes that the front desk that the library will be closing at 4:30.

    (This is a private college library and this was one of those dead weeks during the summer.)

    “Ok,” I think, “Fine. I’ll start packing up. I should get going. I’m hungry after all. Where has the time gone?”

    (I confess I can get pretty carried away with reading and writing and so forth.)

    As soon I stepped out of the cool library into the bright summer heat, I remembered…

    “My car is parked in the tow zone!”

    (No parking between 4pm and 6pm on weekdays.)

    Oops!

    I couldn’t help but chuckle (yes, it was a bit of an annoyed chuckle), knowing I had just finished that post on joy.

    God does have a sense of humor (or is it humour?).

    I did pick up the pace, however, thinking that perhaps they’d not come around to tow my car to who knows where.

    Well, I got there.

    My car wasn’t there.

    I called a friend to get the phone number for the parking enforcement people.

    She was there to get my call.

    The friend I chose to call did live nearby – just in case I’d be in need of a ride to who knows where to get my car.

    Turns out it was towed to an open spot a couple blocks away so I was able to retrieve it easily.

    Of course, there was a price to pay…

    The small print says $ 95.

    $ 50 for towing.

    $ 45 to the city.

    Blockhead. Idiot.

    Yes, I won’t do that again, I’m sure.

    So there we have it.

    How I spent my summer, # 1:

    In the library.

    This is the story of the $ 95 blog.

    Let’s think about this now.

    As of tonight here’s the view count and recs for that particular post:

    Posted 7/9/2010 2:42 PM – 26 Views – 6 eProps – 5 comments

    recs
    2

    So, according to my calculations, that works out to

    just under $ 16 / eProp

    or $ 19 / comment,

    well, technically a cool $ 47.50 / comment (not counting my comments),

    or $ 47.50 / rec.

    Um, yeah, I’m not getting that money.

    Was it worth it?

    Yes!

    Priceless.

    I’ve heard some ministers say they would pay to preach.

    My hope and prayer is that all ministers would say that.

    I don’t get paid for doing what I do.

    There’s a lot of freedom that comes with that.

    It’s my joy and pleasure and privilege to write to make Christ known and build up the Church.

    So long as God provides for me and gives me words to write, I hope to continue to do so.

    I Corinthians 9:15-18.

    But I hope not to get any more parking tickets.

  • “ALL public work must be subservient to my prayer work.” (Evan Roberts)

    I mentioned last week I’ve been reading through “An Instrument of Revival: The Complete Life of Evan Roberts, 1878-1951″ (Brynmor Pierce Jones, Bridge Publishing: South Plainfield, NJ, 1995) (see my post here). Evan Roberts was used by God in the Welsh Revival of 1904-05, but afterwards suffered a breakdown after which he went into private intercessory prayer ministry for several years…

         …Evan Roberts continually stressed the need to persevere: “In Luke it does not say, ‘preach and faint not’ but, ‘pray and faint not.’ It is not difficult to preach. But while you pray, you are alone in some solitary place, fighting in a prayer-battle against the powers of darkness. And you will know the secret of victor.” The idea is echoed in one of his poems:

    And never faint! Oh pray, full on and fast.
    Rough though the untrod way. Straight on! and last.
    And never faint, though those may rave for rest.
    The goal, not thee, is first. Pray one! thou blest.


    And never faint! Though strain may sigh thee down.
    Pray on! if thou wouldst fain have on the crown.
    And never faint! The end thou mayest not view.
    When bound, let nought thee bend. Press on anew.


    And never faint! Thy charge to God given o’er.
    Pray on! Thy tent enlarge. Enrich thy store.
    And never faint! Pray on each day with care.
    Strive for, till thou hast won, the answered prayer.


         Evan was so taken up with the idea of vigilant watching that he prayed night and day and was known to fall asleep on his feet, then awaken a few hours later fresh and alert once more. He told Welsh friends in a special letter that he was like a bondservant who could not stop his work even on a Sabbath Day: “The warfare must go on every hour against unseen enemy hosts who are set to weaken the church forces.” Like Moses who lifted up his arms all day long over the battle, Evan had to serve the Lord who had “taken hold of my spirit.” When he was invited in 1910 to go to India he replied earnestly:

    I could not give up my time to India without neglecting my prayer work and feeling I am behind in my prayer service, and that possibly some victory is lost through my negligence. When the [crisis] of the church is through I shall be free for public work. ALL public work must be subservient to my prayer work.

    (192-193)

    * * *

     

    Heavenly Father, I confess I so often put public work first, rather than making it subservient to my prayer work. It is so much easier for me to teach, to speak and to write than it is for me to pray. I want to produce something. I want to have some visible result I can point to. I want to have some visible result others can point to. My ministry for You becomes more about me than more about You…and then it is really no longer ministry, is it? Forgive me, Lord. Cleanse me from my sin.

    My attitude towards prayer shows how prideful and selfish I am. If I were truly Your humble servant, if You were truly my Lord, I would be willing, not only willing, but rejoicing with great joy to go into my closet and never again return to public work, if that were Your will for me. Should it not be a joy to commune with You in prayer? Is not fullness of joy to be found in Your presence? Are not pleasures forevermore at Your right hand? O, and the worse thing is that You have allowed me to begin to taste and see the joy it is to tarry at the throne of grace. Forgive Me, Lord, for seeking to find my joy in my public work for You rather than my joy in You alone in that solitary place. O, Lord, how much more brutish since I have tasted and seen…Cleanse me from my sin.

    I confess how I still do not yet really comprehend the vital importance of the work of prayer. If we are to expect power and anointing in public ministry we must be seeking Your face in secret. Teach me, O Lord. Truly the fervent effectual prayer of a righteous man avails much. Truly our laboring in prayer allows the saints to stand perfect and complete in Your will. Truly the warfare must go on every hour. Truly I ought to be praying day and night. Forgive me, Lord, for not being vigilant in prayer.

    Jesus Christ, You are my great High Priest. You ever live to intercede for me. How little I really understand the preciousness and treasure of prayer. Pour out on me that spirit of grace and supplications that fills You, so I might delight to linger for hours at the right hand of our Father as You do. I am part of Your holy priesthood which means not only giving out Your Word to Your people but also going to the throne of grace on their behalf.

    You hung on the cross so I might enter into the Holy of Holies and yet I confess how little I do so. Forgive me, Lord. Circumcise my heart, teach me more of the joy of prayer and sweet communion with You. Yes, You have been graciously teaching me of these things, but I am slow to learn. Thank You that You are longsuffering with me.

    Loving Father, I was once not Your child but You have made me Your child by grace through faith. You have given to me the glorious Spirit of adoption. Your Spirit now dwells in me and calls out from within me, “Abba, Father!” O, how I grieve Him when I do not take that time to come into Your house. I thank You and praise You for disciplining me yesterday, for taking hold of my spirit and shutting me away in my closet. O, shut me away with You whenever You will have me there. O, shut me away with You when I insist on skipping that time in the closet or short-changing it. Draw me to Your throne of grace with Your cords of love. Compel and constrain me to that altar of prayer. I am not my own. I am Yours to do with as You will. Can the clay command the Potter? O, I marvel that You have shown me the joy unspeakable in prayer, as I have sat at Your feet and tarried in prayer. Yes, my life is to be a life of continuing prayer – as Paul said, we are to pray without ceasing. However, we also must have those extended times of prayer as well. Help me not to leave that closet a moment sooner than You wish. May I not be negligent. Take hold of my spirit! I am prone to wander. As I begin to wander, turn me and I will be turned. Humble me and I will kneel. Psalm 116. I love You, Lord. Help me to love You more. Amen.