As part of my mission statement for deerlife, I had written the following (a synthesis of my very first post here plus what I wrote about deerlife on my other site here)…

In my communications with all believers, I am always continuing to encourage them to go into their own churches to actively serve…

So, here I am now, being sent into my own church to actively serve… to practice what I have been preaching.

I’ve written previously about the opportunity God was opening up in women’s ministry in our church (see the end of this post) and now that door is opening wider and the way seems to be coming clearer.

I recently had a wonderful meeting with our church’s elders. (Thank you to those who had prayed!) I am especially thankful for their love for the Lord and His Word and that all of them take seriously the charge to guard the deposit of the Gospel and to be overseers of the flock of God purchased with the precious blood of Christ.

I took an outline along with me that night, which I’ve fleshed out more here for you…

Christianity – religion of the SOUL.

Henry Scougal defined Christianity “the LIFE of God in the SOUL of man.”

There is a great distinction between our knowing about God in general terms, with our understanding of the Christian doctrines as notion – as opposed to our intimately and experientially knowing God’s person, character and work directly for and in our own souls, Christianity then becoming more than notion (using Joseph Hart’s phrase – see the later part of this post), with the Biblical doctrines coming to be written on the heart by the Holy Spirit, producing burning hearts…

As I’ve written previously, using Whitefield’s words, my deep desire is that God would raise up “sweet knots of religious friends” throughout the Church, including in my own congregation.

In his book “The Experience Meeting,” William Williams, an 18th century Welsh Calvinistic Methodist, describes the types of meetings that were being held during The Great Awakening in both Wales and England. In the Introduction to the book, Martyn Lloyd-Jones (who was instrumental in having the book translated into English, with the translation done by his wife Bethan) explains that in both Wales and England

Many of us know the book of Malachi for its exhortation to bring the tithe into the storehouse, but there’s a wonderful passage later in that third chapter which Williams used in his book (p. 17), a verse you may not have ever really noticed (I know I hadn’t).

I love this! Consider that as those who fear the LORD come together to speak to one another and meditate on His name, the LORD listens and hears us and a book of remembrance is written! Let us not minimize the pleasure God takes in our meeting together to speak of His life in our souls! He treasures such times as He treasures us!

As it has today, much of Christianity in the 18th century had become lifeless, very similar to Jesus’ description here:

And Jeremiah’s words:

Our great need is to come to Christ and drink!

The devil works to distract us from this drinking! We get busy, busy, busy, doing, doing, doing – doing any and every thing else BUT drinking!

Belief = Coming = Drinking

If you’ve been reading over at naphtali_deer (especially my posts tagged hunger and thirst and experiential Christianity), you’ll know this is a passion of mine. It is a passion of mine because I wandered around as a pilgrim for years and I wasn’t drinking! I had no understanding of the life of God in the soul of man, no understanding of the need to drink the Living Water. Yes, I was saved. Yes, I knew about the Holy Spirit, but I didn’t understand my desperate plight. I didn’t understand the vital need of the Holy Spirit. I didn’t understand that apart from drinking that Living Water, I could do nothing. I didn’t see myself as poor and needy. I didn’t see myself as a wretch. Oh, yes, I was doing things, I wasn’t that bad a person, but most all of that was in my own strength and my own flesh and not in the Spirit.

And then a few years ago, God brought me to the end of myself, caused me to face my total depravity, to fail and fall flat on my face and fail (and He’s continued to do it again and again!). Thank God for His merciful kindness that leads us into those dark and dry and desert places, into that Valley of Humiliation, because those are the places we finally come to our senses and cry out to Him, “I thirst! I thirst! There is no other I desire but You! Pour down upon me I am thirsty! There is no Living Water to be found anywhere in the world, but only in You, O Lord! You are my portion!” Those are the times we begin to know the life of God in our souls!

Much of what is called Christianity today has very little to do with the souls of men.

THE IMPORTANCE OF THE SOUL  (I did a quick look through Scripture – not an all-inclusive list by any means)

THE SOUL’S JOURNEY

Psalm 84 – As Christians we are on pilgrimage in the fallen world – the Valley of Baca – the weeping, thirsty valley – there’s weeping and thirst because of the fall, because of sin coming into the world. Where do we find water/life/joy/sustenance/strength for the journey?

Psalm 4 – The world is looking for water… Who will show us anything good? All the world’s supplies are eventually going to come up empty. The gladness in our hearts will be more than their corn and wine, and will serve as a testimony. As we drink of the Living Water, we will show Christ’s sufficiency to quench thirst and satisfy, and we will have supplies to give out the thirsty and weeping world.

THE SOUL’S SUSTENANCE

1. Each one coming INDIVIDUALLY Christ to eat and drink of Him – to gain strength and to go from strength to strength (e.g.- John 4-6, Psalm 27, 63, Psalms 42-43, Psalm 1), otherwise we WILL wither.

2. Coming together in FELLOWSHIP in the Body of Christ to encourage and exhort one another w/ the Word of God – so we might go from strength to strength

3. Reviewing CHRISTIAN HISTORY

THE SOUL’S BATTLES (again, not an all-inclusive list)

As we meet together, my hope and prayer is that as we each individually drink deeper of Christ, we can come together and strengthen and refresh one another, so we might keep drinking and persevere with joy on our pilgrimage, even as we go through the Valley of Baca and the night of doubt and sorrow…

Through the Night of Doubt and Sorrow
Bernhardt S. Ingemann tr. Sabine Baring-Gould

Through the night of doubt and sorrow,
onward goes the pilgrim band,
singing songs of expectation,
marching to the promised land.
Clear before us through the darkness
gleams and burns the guiding light:
trusting God we march together
stepping fearless through the night.

One the light of God’s own presence,
o’er his ransomed people shed,
chasing far the gloom and terror,
brightening all the path we tread:
one the object of our journey,
one the faith which never tires,
one the earnest looking forward,
one the hope our God inspires.

One the strain the lips of thousands
lift as from the heart of one;
one the conflict, one the peril,
one the march in God begun:
one the gladness of rejoicing
on the far eternal shore,
where the one almighty Father
reigns in love for evermore.

Onward, therefore, pilgrim brothers,
onward with the cross our aid;
bear its shame, and fight its battle,
till we rest beneath its shade.
Soon shall come the great awaking,
soon the rending of the tomb;
then the scattering of all shadows,
and the end of toil and gloom.

I unfolded much of that before the elders, who were very enthusiastic and encouraging. And then they helped to hone it down (a much needed thing, given the multitude of thoughts swirling in my brain at any moment in time and my difficulty with being succinct/focused), so each week we meet should will look something like this:

My deepest hope and prayer is that as we fellowship and meet together, God will knit our hearts closer to Him and to one another, so we might be able to tell what God has done for each of our souls from week to week (Psalms 66:16: Come and hear, all you who fear God, and I will tell what he has done for my soul), so we might encourage and exhort each other, so we might go from strength to strength on our pilgrimage to Mount Zion, to the Celestial City (Psalm 84/Bunyan’s “Pilgrim’s Progress”)

For those who are led to pray, I would appreciate your prayers for:

I do believe we’ll eventually get to the book of John (which is what I initially felt led to do), but for now, it has come to seem good to start with an overview of the soul’s pilgrimage and God’s means of sustenance as we travel through the Valley of Baca (the Word of God, prayer and fellowship with believers – including the great cloud of witnesses).

Needless to say, I am very excited about this, because this is what I absolutely love. Throughout this whole process I have been profoundly humbled. First, because of the journey of chastening God has had me on over the past few years. And second, because it is a high privilege and responsibility to give out the words of life. And that sense of humility is a very good and very necessary thing because I know I too easily become full of myself – and whenever I am full of myself I cannot be full of Christ’s Holy Spirit!

I am praying each of you will be obedient to God’s call to you to serve Him in your local churches for the building up of the Body of Christ for His glory and for your joy.

Thank you for your fellowship and prayers.

Psalm 115:1  Not to us, O LORD, not to us, but to your name give glory,
for the sake of your steadfast love and your faithfulness!

Yours in Christ,
Karen

In my last post I told you I was going away on retreat. I thank all of you for praying and those of you who asked me about it.

If you remember, my desire to go away was in large part to seek the Lord’s face for wisdom for specific leading regarding women’s ministry at my church. I will say that I continue to be humbled because I have seen God work without my pushing (a sinful tendency of mine), and He has opened doors to present me with a wonderful opportunity and I’ve been given a lot of freedom, i.e.- pretty much what I think I should to/would like to do!

God met me wonderfully while I was away. As I recount and reflect on the experience once again, it takes me to a sort of holy hush. I am somewhat hesitant to share my experiences at times, but I believe I am supposed to in this case.

The last couple weeks prior to my retreat, Psalm 102:17 (as well as other parts of that Psalm) continued to come to mind:

Last Tuesday night, my first night away on retreat, as I was praying for specific direction for the women’s ministry, these words (inaudibly) came to me: “I have heard your prayer.” You know how you can look through the promises of Scripture and reason it out. In this case, yes, I had been praying according to God’s will, I am seeking wisdom, something He has told us to ask for and He does desire the church to be built up with good teaching so souls might be fed and so on, and therefore He should be hearing me and so on. Well, of course, I knew all that, but this was something beyond all that. This was not of my own positive thinking but from outside me and above me. The Lord regarded my prayer in a living sense. There was the promise on the written page which I knew, but now the promise was written on my heart, the direct work on the heart that God’s Holy Spirit was prophesied in Old Testament (Jeremiah 31, Ezekiel 36) and then made manifest in the New Testament (Hebrews 8, Romans 8).

As my time went along as I was away, I was still a bit disconcerted, since though I definitely know I can’t put God on a timetable, I was really hoping I would come away with some clearer sense of direction as to what to do w/ this women’s ministry (yes, I already have a great sense of the values I wish to impart, e.g.- hunger for God & His Word, seeking to know Him experientially, etc., as God’s Spirit works effectually in the women), but the nuts and bolts of that were still unclear. Being brutish and foolish (and perhaps a bit like Gideon), the next night (my last night away), I lay down before Him once again to pray for direction, feeling a bit like the man at midnight, who needs bread for his friends (I so long to be used to feed the souls at our church) and once more the same words (“I have heard your prayer”) came once again without my barely being able to speak a thing. I got up right then and there assured God would give me specific direction – in HIS way and in HIS time. (Yes, I know I must work and prepare and study and continue to pray, but now I should be able to do so w/ full assurance and no anxiety but perfect peace that my Father will not give me a serpent when I ask for fish and so forth.)

After this all happened I went back and looked at Psalm 102 again.

Yes, so there was the inner assurance God had heard my prayer and would not despise it! Not only once, but twice! I was going to Him destitute – admitting I could do nothing and I had nothing. The Lord is magnificently glorified and exalted when we admit we are nothing and He must do everything, and when we admit we have nothing and He must give us everything! That is the glory of the Christian life! All of God, all to God’s glory alone!

There is so much to Psalm 102 that is beautiful, especially verse 16 – since it deals with the Lord building up Zion and appearing in glory. That is what God wants to do in the decaying church of our day, and, as you know, that is the great desire of my heart, that revival might come again to the Church. The Lord wants to breathe life and fire into His people, into His Church, into each one of His own, including each one of us. So along with verse 17, we can’t help but see that when we are consumed with praying for the Lord to build up Zion and to appear in glory, when we are saying we are destitute and we’re not going to rely on our own devices or wisdom, certainly He will regard our prayers and not despise them. We can be assured that as we are in concert with Him and His desire to build up Zion and seeking for Him to come down in glory, and we are working to prepare the way for Him to do so, He will regard our prayers and not despise them! HIS Kingdom come! Build up Zion! Appear in glory!

Then I looked back at v. 13. He “shall arise and have mercy…” I looked up the Hebrew word for mercy (lo and behold I discovered I had a Strong’s concordance in one of my free iPod touch apps – a wonderful surprise to me! ). The word there means to fondle. But not fondle in that bad sense, in the context of molestation, but fondle as in to truly love and to caress. The Father’s love! And then I looked at Isaiah 14 (we’d been studying that chapter in BSF the past week) and it was the exact same word in Isaiah 14:1a!

How wondrous is that?! God’s never-failing covenant mercies! He fondles us! I truly felt the Father did come and “fondle” me those couple days by speaking to me in that way, by assuring me that He had heard my prayer. Yes, as I said, I knew how when we ask in prayer according to His will, He has heard and will answer. And yes, I had read the promise that He would regard the prayer of the destitute and not despise their prayer….but yet…that extra, His coming alongside me and fondling me in that sense, assuring me, writing His word on my heart in a living sense.

As I’ve been reflecting on these things, I knew that what had happened was somewhat reminiscent of some accounts of the saints who’d had similar experiences of God’s speaking assurance directly to the soul. Martyn Lloyd-Jones gives some accounts in chapter 5 (The Sense of His Presence) of his book “Joy Unspeakable,” including Howell Harris, Christmas Evans, Charles Finney, as well as the accounts of two Puritans, Edward Elton and Thomas Goodwin. Needless to say, you’ll see why I was (and still am) quite excited when I reread ML-J’s description of Thomas Goodwin’s account (boldface, mine).

Honestly, though I did remember this account in a general sense, I did not at all remember that the word “fondling” was used – the very same word that God had impressed upon me in light of the experience I’d had.

As I have sat back and reflected more on all this, I can see what I should have seen beforehand: would I rather have had a clear syllabus of study or a clear affirmation from the Lord has heard my prayer and a greater assurance of His love for me? That’s a no brainer! Yes, I certainly do need the specific direction (and I am trusting He will give it), but how wonderful it is that He revealed His love to me in that way! So this is why I say I am thankful for UNanswered prayer. If God the Father had answered my prayer as I thought best, how much would I have missed out on? How great the Father’s love for us!

And here’s something else: I have actually come to the point on a few occasions where I’ve said, “If I never get to lead/teach the women at this church, it has been worth it all, to KNOW the Lord more experientially in this special way, to know the Father’s love more deeply. And to learn in a greater sense how blessed it is to be destitute before Him, to know that He truly does regard our prayers and does not despise them.”

I know these are holy things and I share them only so you might be aware of the “glorious possibilities” (as Lloyd-Jones put it) of the Christian life. No, we do not seek experiences, but we do seek the living God through spending time with Him in His Word and prayer and obedience in what we know, and as we do so, we can trust that He will reveal Himself to us as He deems best for each of our souls. Let us not say these things were only for Bible times or for certain special people. We are all children of God! We have all been chosen and lavished with His love, mercy and grace. So let us press on to know Him more and may we never limit and quench or grieve Him by saying He will not or cannot ever choose to visit us in such wonderful ways (nor should we insist that He must choose to visit us in certain ways and at certain times). The apostle Paul has said that our faces are now unveiled before the Lord and we can behold His glory and are being changed from glory to glory. No, we cannot predict how or when we might see God and His glory, and I admit these things are mysterious and even difficult to talk about, but let us expect that we may behold His glory and then trust Him to reveal Himself to us as He deems best – for our profit and for His glory, all so we might be more and more enraptured and captivated by His love for us.

Let us also be sober as we remember the account in the gospels which tells us that the Lord Jesus could do no mighty works in Nazareth because of their unbelief (Mark 6:5, Matthew 13:58).

Lord, as You will, open our eyes to the possibilities of Your glory, and then as You will, show us Your glory so we might be strengthened and built up so we might be used by You to build Your Church!

I share these experiences with you humbly for I know there is nothing in me to deserve or merit anything at all from the Lord. The apostle Paul spoke of holding nothing back that was profitable (Acts 20:20), and I believe these things will be for your profit.

I do wish to remind you that yes, though it is true our Christian faith is squarely based on historical facts, from the Scripture itself, that there is an objective body of truth, yet we can experience these truths and experience the Lord Himself in a living and active way. The Lord God is a living God, He is not an idol made of wood, therefore there are times when He may choose to meet His children in such special ways, to fondle us, so to speak. No, we cannot work them up, we cannot predict them, but there are times when He may choose to come down and surprise us because such experiences are for our good, for His glory and for the furtherance of His Gospel and the building up of the Church.

I have recently have been pleasantly surprised with some wonderful fellowship with an older seasoned saint (quite Reformed, I will add) who has introduced me to the book “More than Notion” by J.H. Alexander.  Below is the author’s note on the title “More than Notion.” I think this wonderfully expresses my concern that too much of our Christianity today has become only notion, and I have become increasingly convinced that true religion must indeed be “More than Notion.”

True religion ought always to be accompanied by deep feeling. It must be so because of its spiritual character. No one laid more emphasis on the spirituality of religion than its founder. In order to enforce the vital necessity of spiritual experience the Lord Jesus frequently resorted to the use of paradox as when He said, ‘He that findeth his life shall lose it but whosoever loseth his life for my sake shall find it’. It was, therefore, natural that the spiritual-minded believers at Pulverbach should turn to the hymns of Joseph Hart. For this minister had passed through deep waters himself and his hymns, though often quaint, are unique in their use of the paradoxical method. We can do no better to illustrate the point than by printing the lines from which our title was taken.

“Vain is all our best devotion,
If on false foundations built;
True religion’s more than notion,
Something must be known and felt.’

‘Tis to credit contradictions;
Talk with him one never sees;
Cry and groan beneath afflictions,
Yet to dread the thoughts of ease.

‘Tis to feel the fight against us,
Yet the victory hope to gain;
To believe that Christ has cleansed us,
Though the leprosy remain.

‘To be steadfast in believing,
Yet to tremble, fear, and quake;
Every moment be receiving
Strength, and yet be always weak.

To be fighting, fleeing, turning;
Ever sinking, yet to swim;
To converse with Jesus, mourning
For ourselves or else for him.’”

Can you relate to Hart’s words? Have you begun to know the Lord Jesus in such intimate ways?

As many of you know I have been writing a LOT on assurance and joy on my other blog. I am convinced that my recent foray into joy in Oct. 2009 was begun in large measure because I had prayed a few weeks before that time along the lines of I Thessalonians 1:5:

I had begun to see how I needed that power and assurance, and was frustrated, but at the time I couldn’t see that was all wrapped up in my having a greater sense of God’s love and joy. And then as I began to ask for joy, the assurance and power has begun to come as well. (I say “begun to,” for I still know I must press on to know Him more.)

Our experiences of Christ do lead to greater assurance and power in the Holy Spirit. They are not merely for us to be edified, though we will be edified and we will enjoy God through them. But those experiences do lead to the reality that our testimony is no longer in word only and our knowledge of God begins to become “more than notion,” it becomes a truly living faith, not only propositions believed with the mind (though yes, we must believe with the mind), but we also come to believe with all the heart and soul as well. That is what will make our witness to others effectual and life-giving and powerful – that first-hand experience of HIM, when our religion does begin to become “MORE than notion.” Yes, we certainly do enjoy our God Himself through our experiences of Him. Amen! Indeed! And yet do we not enjoy Him ALL THE MORE as we speak of Him and His dealings with us TO AND WITH OTHERS?

While away on my retreat and as I reflected on God’s goodness to me, in coming to me and assuring me my prayer had been heard, I wrote:

So, it is bursting out here. My desire is for you to know Him more and more, not merely know of Him, that your religion become “More than notion.” I am convinced that is exactly what happened in the early Church at Pentecost and that is what has happened in during each and every time of genuine revival. God’s people are taken up with God Himself and cannot help but speak of Him. This is what we see in the book of Acts. These believers kept preaching Christ wherever they went, in spite of threats and persecution: For we cannot but speak the things which we have seen and heard. They didn’t have to be pushed out, the Spirit compelled them and gave them a holy boldness. They couldn’t be stopped! That is the type of faith, a living faith, a true religion, a religion that is “more than notion,” that will begin to turn the world upside down. May we pray for God’s Spirit to fall fresh on us and then continue to fall again and again. Let us be filled with the Spirit!

I thank God for each of you and I pray you would seek His face and all He has for you, that you would not fear based on misconceptions, abuses or false teachings in Christianity over the work of the Holy Spirit, all so you might truly know the breadth, and length, and depth, and height of the Father’s love for you in Jesus Christ.

I will add here that I have no specific answer yet regarding the women’s ministry but I continue to trust He will bring it. I am enjoying Him immensely on this adventure and I hope and pray you will as well.

For the fullness of your joy and for the fullness of His glory in the Church,
Karen

• Naphtali News: God speaking to me about my failures & the one thing needful
• Why not pray for the baptism of the Holy Spirit?
• He is a great King over ALL (God’s sovereignty, earthquakes, governments & charismatic gifts)
• Letter 18 on assurance and fighting for joy (my testimony of joy) – includes an account of Jonathan Edwards’ experience
  
• Letter 10 on assurance and fighting for joy (joy is for ALL!) – includes a reminder to test & try all things
  
• my new song: “My soul is clean” (My testimony of receiving assurance of forgiveness)
• letter 42 on assurance & fighting for joy: “Blessed Assurance” – You are a child of God!

from past saints:

• Blaise Pascal: This day of Grace (November 23, 1654) “Fire…Joy, joy, joy, tears of joy.”
• “…it is a pleasing thing to walk with God.” (George Whitefield)
• Moderation in pursuing God? An answer from Jonathan Edwards
• How’s your spiritual appetite? (Jonathan Edwards)
• Moderation in pursuing God? An answer from George Whitefield
• Second Sunday after Christmas: Is your religion true religion? (Henry Scougal)
• The ultimate joy (3): today: imperfect enjoyment; one Day: perfect – Thomas Boston (letter 59)
• update w/ excerpt: Lloyd-Jones’ sermons on the role of experience in Christianity

Scripture quotations are taken from the New King James Version. Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Dear friends in Christ,

I’d hoped to update you last night, but didn’t have opportunity to do so. I do want to let you know I’m about to leave for a couple day retreat, and I would appreciate prayers for me, in particular for clear leading regarding the opportunity I have at our church (for more on that, please see the end of my last post).

William Cowper’s hymn “Dependence” wonderfully expresses my heart this morning, and I hope yours at well. May we always see that we are wholly  dependent on the Lord so we might continue to ask for Him to fill us with His fullness and His Spirit to overflowing – and then once we are filled, that we might return and again and again and ask again and again. He will in no wise cast us out! We are but poor beggars but He welcomes us as His sons and daughters and delights to lavish His unsearchable riches on us! We live from grace to grace. Let us continue to avail ourselves of His grace poured out through Jesus Christ at the cross and now through His Spirit who dwells within us.

Along with Charles Wesley, I continue to find myself lost in wonder, love and praise, and with George Whitefield I cannot comprehend His love for me but  only adore!

All by His grace and of His grace, all to His glory and His praise alone,
Karen