glory of God

  • update/prayer requests – July 8, 2010

       
    Though I’d sensed a call to more concerted prayer over a year ago (please see part 2 of this post), over the past several weeks, the Lord has increasingly impressed on me the importance of prayer and tarrying in prayer, hence my most recent posts:

    Yesterday I ended up rereading some of the first portion of Exodus, including these verses:

    Exodus 2:11  One day, when Moses had grown up, he went out to his people and looked on their burdens, and he saw an Egyptian beating a Hebrew, one of his people. 12  He looked this way and that, and seeing no one, he struck down the Egyptian and hid him in the sand.

    I’m so like Moses. Impetuous. Wanting to take things into my own hands.

    (Granted, what Moses did wasn’t condemned . . .

    Acts 7:23  “When he was forty years old, it came into his heart to visit his brothers, the children of Israel. 24  And seeing one of them being wronged, he defended the oppressed man and avenged him by striking down the Egyptian. 25  He supposed that his brothers would understand that God was giving them salvation by his hand, but they did not understand…

    . . . yet God had a much more grand and glorious plan to rescue His people from Egypt.)

    I look on others’ burdens and I want to do something: to say something, to write something . . .

    I get impatient . . .

    I’m impetuous . . .

    I’ve gotten into trouble time and again for jumping ahead of God . . . (you think I would learn).

    On the other hand, I’ve been abundantly blessed by God whenever I’ve bent my knees and bowed my neck and waited on Him and in prayer . . . (you think I would learn).

    So often I want to do something, do anything . . . but pray.

    I’ve been itching to speak, to write . . . but God has continue to check me . . . and call me back to the closet, back to prayer.

    Thank God for His loving discipline.

    There are things on my heart I believe God has put there for me to speak and to write, yet He’s continued to check me. It’s not yet time to speak and to write those things.

    I admit I get frustrated with that at times. (Understatement.)

    Yesterday afternoon I printed out a post which I’d written up a while ago and had laid aside, a post I really want to finish. It’s about joy in our ministry. It’s so key. I see so many people plodding along, ministering without joy, and I know that God has so graciously blessed me in that (still learning) and I do want to pass along to others how He’s been helping me and what He’s been teaching me. So I really expected to do a little editing on that post.

    Couldn’t do it. The Lord checked me.

    I even opened up a new blog entry. I have ideas galore in my head. (Nothing new there.)

    Couldn’t do it. Couldn’t even write a word. The Lord checked me.

    I was distressed over this, but I knew without a doubt I would be in disobedience to the Lord if I did any writing at that point. Any.

    I’ve dedicated my blogging to Him. If I’m not writing according to His lead, what’s it worth? I can gain the whole world, but lose my soul . . . I don’t want to be a Tekoite noble.  

    Though I’d already spent some time earlier in the day with the Lord in prayer, I knew I had to go back into the closet again.

    So, after a bit of restlessness (and after the World Cup match was over ), I realized I had to get outside and get away from the laptop.

    I went out to one of my favorite places for walking and meeting with God.

    While I was walking, I had David Crowder playing on the iPod and “For the Glory of It All” came up:

    I found myself singing along:

    Oh the Glory of it all is:
    he came here
    For the rescue of us all
    that we may live
    for the glory of it all
    for the glory of it all

    And then I had to, had to, say something like this to the Lord:

    If it is to Your glory that I remain in prayer and not to write, as much as my flesh wants to do that (You know all things!), then by Your grace I will do so, I will remain in this closet, to Your glory. I will wait on You, I will tarry in prayer, until You release me to write, if You ever do so.

    if You ever do so. . . .

    Yes, I said something like that.

    It’s somewhat disconcerting to put yourself out there before God and say that.

    It’s somewhat disconcerting to put yourself out there before God and say, “Do with me what You will,” but if you are His, you know you can’t do anything less than that. That’s the Holy Spirit of Christ in us that is fighting against our flesh. The Spirit of Christ who sought always to be about His Father’s business. The Spirit of Christ which said, “Not My will, but Yours, be done” to His Father in the Garden of Gethsemane, with sweat as drops of blood. O, thanks be to God for His mighty Holy Spirit who works in us to will and to do of His good pleasure, who does in us what we are powerless to do on our own!

    Yet I know that whatever God is directing me to do is for my good. Whatever. All of it. No matter what my flesh might be telling me. God’s ways and God’s thoughts are higher than mine and His ways are always best. Always. And God’s plans for us are all about maximizing His glory. So, for me to balk at His call to prayer, would be to rob Him of His glory.

    The Lord won’t give His children peace or rest until we submit to Him. Wholly. I will also add here that there are times when our consciences can become seared and our hearts hardened to His voice. Let’s not even go there! May He grant us grace that our hearts would remain soft and warm toward Him and His will for us!

    After that, I began to think through the Scripture once again to instances God called His people to a time of waiting and/or waiting prayer (I’d already done this earlier in the day, hence I say once again). Jericho (see my post here). Nehemiah. Moses. Abram and Sarai. Esther. The early Church. And so on. It seems you can find examples on just about every page of Scripture.

    Yet don’t we want to do any and all things but wait on the Lord and tarry in prayer?

    While I sat there in the park in prayer with the Lord, not specifically asking for anything but trying to rest in Him, reflecting on His sovereign love, power and grace, He sweetly and suddenly showed me something that was missing from another post I’ve been wanting to write, something I didn’t even know was missing – and something I wasn’t even asking for then – since He’d given me the grace to put aside any thoughts about my writing at that point.

    All I can say is that it was one of those Job 42 moments.

    1  Then Job answered the LORD and said:

    2  “I know that you can do all things,
    and that no purpose of yours can be thwarted.
    3  ‘Who is this that hides counsel without knowledge?’
    Therefore I have uttered what I did not understand,
    things too wonderful for me, which I did not know.
    4  ‘Hear, and I will speak;
    I will question you, and you make it known to me.’
    5  I had heard of you by the hearing of the ear,
    but now my eye sees you;
    6  therefore I despise myself,
    and repent in dust and ashes.”

    Certainly my loving Father knew what I needed before I asked Him. If I hadn’t taken that time alone with Him in prayer, would I have received that gift from Him? I don’t think so.

    It was also a confirmation that there is a time to write, and when it’s time, He will clearly let me know that . . .

    In regard to prayer requests, first I would ask you to pray that I would be disciplined in prayer: to willingly submit myself to remaining in the closet for as long as God would have me there. With that come my thoughts, “Oh, that means I can’t write so much.” I confess I like to write. I love to write. Yes, I do find writing challenging, and it’s not been without difficulty and I have to continue to ask God to purify my motives for writing, yet I find writing an act of worship because I truly grow in grace and knowledge of Him as I write and I also enjoy the Lord more and more as I write more and more of Him.

    I know I need not ever fear what God is calling me to do, for He loves me and He does all things well. He has plans that are much more wonderful for me than I could imagine.

    Yet, if God is calling me to that private work of prayer, then I must stay there as long as He deems, and put aside public ministry. My life is not my own. My ministry is now my own. If I’m not praying when my Lord asks, what kind of servant am I? What kind of minister can I really be if I’m not doing that one thing that is necessary, taking time to sit at His feet like Mary?

    A second prayer request is that I might have God’s wisdom as I need to speak to someone about a sensitive situation. I don’t like confronting people, but it’s clear God has been directing me to speak to this person as their spiritual welfare is at stake, so it doesn’t really matter what I like. And just to make it clear to me, God had me hear a sermon Sunday morning on Galatians 6.

    1  Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted. 2  Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ. 3  For if anyone thinks he is something, when he is nothing, he deceives himself. 4  But let each one test his own work, and then his reason to boast will be in himself alone and not in his neighbor. 5  For each will have to bear his own load.

    Loving our neighbor and bearing one another’s burdens does involve speaking the truth in love. But it also involves time in the closet in preparation. I confess that in this case I’m at a loss at this point as to how to proceed, so I am in desperate need of wisdom. So, in contrast to the impetuousness I described above, I’ve been driven to pray more than I might otherwise. I am trusting the only-wise God to supply abundant wisdom for me from His riches in glory and direct me to speak in His way and in His time.

    I so appreciate your fellowship and prayers.

    If there are any ways I can be praying for you, please feel free to leave a comment below and/or message me. As I said when I set up this blog, I would like this to be a place where we can encourage one another as we work together to build the wall, as we walk with and serve the Lord.

    Yours in Christ for the glory of God,
    Karen

    Related posts

    on prayer:

    on my calling/blogging:

    Scripture quotations are taken from The Holy Bible, English Standard Version. Copyright ©2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

  • the journey to Jericho (Joshua 4-6): the journey of dependence on the LORD

    Joshua 6:1  Now Jericho was shut up inside and outside because of the people of Israel. None went out, and none came in.

    We like to get into the thick of the action, but let’s look back at what was happening prior to this point…

    God had given Joshua promises and encouragements, and Joshua passed them along to the people (Joshua 1).
    Joshua sent the two spies into the promised land; they obtained a good report from Rahab and were hidden by her (Joshua 2).
    Then the Lord then cut of the waters of the Jordan so all the people could walk across on dry land (Joshua 3).

    Now we come to Joshua 4. The people are ready…finally ready to take Jericho, ready to begin to take the land the Lord had promised them…so here comes the Lord’s command to Joshua. The men are poised for battle…Here it comes, right, the command to go…

    Joshua 4:1  When all the nation had finished passing over the Jordan, the LORD said to Joshua, 2  “Take twelve men from the people, from each tribe a man, 3  and command them…

    “Ok. All right!” the people are thinking. “Good! Yes, we’re across Jordan now. Let’s get going. Jericho lies ahead! The promised land. It’s ours for the taking. Right? The LORD is surely giving us the go-ahead now to fight and battle. Joshua’s just getting the specifics now. Let’s go and hear what He’s told Joshua…”

    So, what was it the LORD spoke to Joshua anyhow?

    Take twelve men from the people, from each tribe a man, and command them, saying, ‘Take twelve stones from here out of the midst of the Jordan, from the very place where the priests’ feet stood firmly, and bring them over with you and lay them down in the place where you lodge tonight…’

    What? What? What?

    “But, Joshua, but Lord, we’re ready to go here … We’re wasting time here moving these stones. We’re not here to move stones. We’re here to go into battle. We’re ready to take the land. You promised us the land, didn’t You? Isn’t it time for us to get to it?”

    But, My people, You’re not ready! First of all, I want you to remember something…I want You to remember Me! This journey is ultimately not about you, or about the land, but it’s about Me and My glory and My renown. Who called you to be a people? Who makes you ready? Who tells you when it’s time to take the land? Who’s given you this land? Who’s been faithful to you all those years in the wilderness? Who delivered you from Egypt? Who caused you to walk across the Jordan on dry land? What did you do to get yourselves here? Did you cause the waters to stand up in a heap? Did you? Did you?!”

    And he said to the people of Israel, “When your children ask their fathers in times to come, ‘What do these stones mean?’ 22  then you shall let your children know, ‘Israel passed over this Jordan on dry ground.’ 23  For the LORD your God dried up the waters of the Jordan for you until you passed over, as the LORD your God did to the Red Sea, which he dried up for us until we passed over, 24  so that all the peoples of the earth may know that the hand of the LORD is mighty, that you may fear the LORD your God forever.”

    Just as the LORD did right at the beginning of Joshua, He reminds the people once more to keep Him central.

    A few questions to ask now … and as you continue reading …

    How often do we jump ahead into working for God and forget Him?

    How often do we jump ahead into working for God and forget Whose mighty power redeemed us and made us His children?

    How often do we jump ahead into working for God and forget to give Him thanks and praise to Him?

    How often do we jump ahead into working for God and forget to pray to the mighty LORD?

    How often do we jump ahead into working for God and forget His promises to us?

    How often do we jump ahead into working for God and forget His presence goes with us?

    How often do we jump ahead into working for God and forget in Whose mighty power we are working?

    How often do we jump ahead into working for God and not go into our rooms and shut the door so we might rely on Him and His power?

    Can we really say we are really working for God if we have not remembered Him?

    Can we really expect the shut up cities of Jericho if we have not kept Him central?

    (Isn’t it true that much of the battle is done in prayer itself?)

     

    All right, we’re now to Joshua 5. The memorial stones are set up at the end of Joshua 4.

    All Israel is across the Jordan, camped on the east side of Jericho. Certainly it’s time to take the land, right? Time to invade Jericho, right? After all, we see how the kings of the land were affected…

    Joshua 5:1 …their hearts melted and there was no longer any spirit in them because of the people of Israel.

    Just as God had promised. It was time to go, right?

    Now what does the Lord command Joshua to do at this point?

    “Make flint knives…”

    “Ok. Right. We can use more weapons. Fine. Sounds good to us. We certainly know the LORD knows what’s He’s doing…”

    2  At that time the LORD said to Joshua, “Make flint knives and circumcise the sons of Israel a second time.”

    “What? What? What?” *understandable grimacing, wincing, assorted murmuring and grunting sounds…expletives…so on and so forth…*

    Certainly this makes no sense at all to us.

    First off, the Canaanite kings are back on their heels because of the word they heard about the LORD’s workings on behalf of Israel. Israel had a great psychological advantage here, why not take advantage of it?

    Second of all, I’m not a man, but I’d have to say that being freshly circumcised doesn’t exactly leave you in prime position for battle, does it? And not only that, but it would leave not only you but also your wives and children vulnerable to attack.

    The circumcision could wait, couldn’t it? Until after the taking of Jericho at any rate, or, even better, after all the land is taken. Then Israel would be in a strategically safer position.

    Of course, the Lord’s ways are higher than ours. His wisdom seems foolishness. Our weakness is opportunity for His strength. And all these things add up to make for His maximum glory as the story unfolds.

    A little more about circumcision. Let’s remember that the Old Testament circumcision is a picture of the New Testament circumcision of the heart, the circumcision made without hands (Col. 2) by the Holy Spirit. It’s the reminder that in and of ourselves we are nothing. A reminder that we come to Christ with nothing and we can do nothing apart from Christ…ever…Nothing!

    The sexual organ is central here. God’s saying something like this to Israel (and to us):

    My people, My redeemed, now that you’re here, now that I’ve delivered you out of Egypt, out of the kingdom of darkness where you were in bondage, if you begin to think you can bear fruit by your own efforts and schemes, think again! This circumcision is My sign to you, so you might be ever-mindful of your insufficiency. My circumcision is to remind you you are nothing and can do nothing apart from Me. Nothing!

    Remember back to Abraham. Remember when he and Sarah got anxious and didn’t rest in My promises. They jumped ahead of My timetable and enlisted the help of Hagar. The result? Ishmael: the child of flesh. But My work is never done in your fleshly efforts. Never. My work must always be done in My way. Always! It is always by My Spirit’s power and by your resting in My promises and obeying and trusting Me by faith. Not by might, nor by power, but by My Spirit! Period!

    So if you get any notion whatsoever, even a little inkling, that you’ll be able to take this land by yourself and in your own strength, think again. After all – Who brought you out of Egypt? Who allowed you to walk across Jordan just now on dry ground? Who? Who? Who?

    So, Joshua circumcises the Israelite men as the LORD commanded. They’re all rendered helpless just as they’re about to battle for Jericho. Physically helpless. Psychologically helpless. This is a perfect picture of our spiritual inability, isn’t it?

    God had the twelve memorial stones set up and the circumcision done all so Israel might keep the LORD central, to remember He is the LORD God alone and deliverance comes through Him and Him alone.

    Today as Christians we have the circumcision not made with hands, through the Holy Spirit. We have only come into the family of God and we only remain in the family of God and we can only walk in the works God’s ordained for us through the Holy Spirit of God, all to the glory of God alone. But how often do we grieve and quench the Spirit by forgetting God’s mighty power and His past workings in our lives and the life of His people throughout history? We are so tempted to walk in the flesh. How often do we foolishly expect to accomplish in our power what is only possible in the power of God?

    O, that we would remember God’s mighty power to save and our utter helplessness. That we might make Him preeminent in all we do. We get into trouble whenever we think we are sufficient in and of ourselves, don’t we? Christ is to be our life. Our life. Not just an appendage. He is to be our all in all. We have no life apart from Him. We can bear no fruit apart from Him. We can do nothing without Him.

    The Lord also reminds Israel here that He was the one who rolled away the reproach of Gilgal. Gilgal was that place where Israel was first ready to enter the promised land years before, and now God brought them back once more to the very place where they failed to trust God’s promises and shrunk back in disobedience and ended up wandering in the wilderness for forty years. But here we see God’s graciousness. He’s rolled away their reproach. They could do nothing, yet He graciously brought them back and brought them into the Promised Land in spite of their distrust and disobedience. Praise God that His Grace to us in Jesus Christ is greater than our sin! All day long He reaches His hands out to us!

    Finally, one more tangible reminder of God’s perfect provision for Israel:

    10  While the people of Israel were encamped at Gilgal, they kept the Passover on the fourteenth day of the month in the evening on the plains of Jericho. 11  And the day after the Passover, on that very day, they ate of the produce of the land, unleavened cakes and parched grain. 12  And the manna ceased the day after they ate of the produce of the land. And there was no longer manna for the people of Israel, but they ate of the fruit of the land of Canaan that year. 

    On that very day…Hmm…Timely coincidence? No! Loving Providence!

    All right, so there they are, the nation of Israel, the men all having been circumcised, given time for healing. In the eyes of the uncircumcised world, they’re sitting ducks, are they not? Yet we see how the Lord miraculously protected and provided for them there. Let’s never doubt Him when He puts us into such vulnerable positions, when we are at the end of our own earthly strength and supplies. We can trust Him to provide for us in His perfect way and time.

    Finally, just in case Joshua and Israel still didn’t get it, that is, if they still didn’t understand their total dependence on the LORD, there’s something else – that interesting encounter Joshua has at the end of chapter 5 with the LORD Himself:

    13  When Joshua was by Jericho, he lifted up his eyes and looked, and behold, a man was standing before him with his drawn sword in his hand. And Joshua went to him and said to him, “Are you for us, or for our adversaries?” 14  And he said, “No; but I am the commander of the army of the LORD. Now I have come.” And Joshua fell on his face to the earth and worshiped and said to him, “What does my lord say to his servant?” 15  And the commander of the LORD’s army said to Joshua, “Take off your sandals from your feet, for the place where you are standing is holy.” And Joshua did so.

    Yes, I guess Joshua did just that, wouldn’t you?! (How do you manage to take off sandals when you’re already lying flat in the dust anyhow?)

    Not only do the people as a whole need reminders of their insufficiency, but God’s leaders do as well, and probably more so and more often. As soon as we are given any responsibility, we often let that go to our heads and forget that it is LORD alone who has placed us there.

    So, Karen, who’s in charge here, you or Me? Don’t forget, I’m the commander of the army here…You are My servant. Don’t let this go to your head.

    *gulp* *prostrating* *taking off sandals* “Yes, Lord. Remind me, Holy Father, I will forget…You know how often I allow the pride of life to carry me away from the meek and humble spirit of Your blessed Son Jesus. Keep me in Your easy yoke. Help me to learn of You, Lord Jesus.”

    Who are we that God chose us to save us from hell in the first place? Who are we that He commissions each of us to be His ambassadors here in His Kingdom work? Who are we? Brands plucked out of the fire! Unworthy and unprofitable servants? O, would that we might have David’s humble attitude (II Samuel 7):

    “Who am I, O Lord GOD, and what is my house, that you have brought me thus far?…”

    Like the disciples, we too quickly become full of ourselves, rather than being filled with the Spirit, we become puffed up and begin to lord it over others and jockey for position and forget that to be great in the Kingdom we are to be servants of all, to wash feet, to lay down our lives for our friends…

    Now we’ve finally gotten to Joshua 6.

    Joshua 6:1 Now Jericho was shut up inside and outside because of the people of Israel. None went out, and none came in.And the LORD said to Joshua, “See, I have given Jericho into your hand, with its king and mighty men of valor…”

    The people are probably thinking once again,

    “Ok! All right! The Lord has given Jericho into our hand…yes, and hear what He’s saying there: He’s including the king and the mighty men of valor. Victory is ours! Resistance is futile! Let’s roll! Let’s get ready for battle…”

    So, just to make it clear that God really means business about our being wholly dependent on His plan and His ways, we see His plan for action to take Jericho in chapter 6 involved a bit more waiting…

    1  Now Jericho was shut up inside and outside because of the people of Israel. None went out, and none came in. 2  And the LORD said to Joshua, “See, I have given Jericho into your hand, with its king and mighty men of valor. 3  You shall march around the city, all the men of war going around the city once. Thus shall you do for six days. 4  Seven priests shall bear seven trumpets of rams’ horns before the ark. On the seventh day you shall march around the city seven times, and the priests shall blow the trumpets. 5  And when they make a long blast with the ram’s horn, when you hear the sound of the trumpet, then all the people shall shout with a great shout, and the wall of the city will fall down flat, and the people shall go up, everyone straight before him.”

    God seems to like to have His people wait doesn’t He? Most of us don’t do waiting very well, do we? No wonder patience and self-control are included as part of the fruit of the Spirit! God orchestrates circumstances so we might rely on Him and no longer on ourselves: it’s all about His timing, His ways, His power, His provision. He calls the shots, we do not! Man proposes, God disposes!

    So Israel has encountered what they might view as another delay: they’re told to march around the city.

    “Ok. We can do that. One time around and then we’re in! Yesssss! –– What? You say not just once. How many times? How long? Six days. What sense does that really make? We’re ready to go here?”

    You can imagine that the men might be pretty antsy at this point. They’ve been sitting around healing after the circumcisions. And now…testosterone rising much? Notice these men are “all the men of war.” Men of war.  War. They’re geared to fight and take the city. But what does God have them do? March. And march. And march…

    What kind of work is this marching around the city for men of war? Well, it’s the same work we ought to be doing as we prepare for battle. We are in a spiritual battle, are we not? But how often do we try to fight it with the weapons of this world? How often do we try to fight apart from marching, for example, how do we attempt to fight apart from the all-important and vital preparatory prayer work. How often do we rush to make a frontal attack when we see the city shut up and those tall walls of Jericho when instead we ought to be rushing off and and shutting the door to our closet and dropping to our knees where we might plead with God for souls and march around the hearts that are shut up around all around us to the Gospel of Jesus Christ?

    We are all so tempted to do, do, do. We are all so wanting to work, work, work, aren’t we? To speak, to write, to act. We ache to do just about anything but pray. May our Savior who ever lives to intercede for us grant us abundant grace to march around those shut up cities in the ministry of prayer, to tarry with Him regularly at the throne of grace.

    Once again I’ll bring you the questions I included earlier…

    How often do we jump ahead into working for God and forget Him?

    How often do we jump ahead into working for God and forget Whose mighty power redeemed us and made us His children?

    How often do we jump ahead into working for God and forget to give Him thanks and praise to Him?

    How often do we jump ahead into working for God and forget to pray to the mighty LORD?

    How often do we jump ahead into working for God and forget His promises to us?

    How often do we jump ahead into working for God and forget His presence goes with us?

    How often do we jump ahead into working for God and forget in Whose mighty power we are working?

    How often do we jump ahead into working for God and not go into our rooms and shut the door so we might rely on Him and His power?

    Can we really say we are really working for God if we have not remembered Him?

    Can we really expect the shut up cities of Jericho if we have not kept Him central?

    (Isn’t it true that much of the battle is done in prayer itself?)

     

    As we reflect on the journey to Jericho, may we remember that God’s ways and thoughts are higher than ours, that His plans are all for His maximum glory and His intent is to keep us ever mindful that all we have and all we can do is through His power and might alone, not through us. May He give us patience to wait on Him, to rely on Him, to pray to Him, to follow His plans, for when we are weak, He is strong, and His foolishness is wiser than the wisdom of men! Amen and Amen.

    Psalm 115:1 Not to us, O LORD, not to us, but to your name give glory,
    for the sake of your steadfast love and your faithfulness!

    In what current situation are you struggling to trust and rely on Lord?

    Related:

    Scripture quotations are taken from The Holy Bible, English Standard Version. Copyright ©2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

     

  • “when man reaches the lowest depths of unbelief” (William Williams’ “The Experience Meeting”)

     
    This morning (and actually over the past several weeks now), I was struggling with what God was doing and I was struggling with persevering (e.g. – see also here, here, here, here and here.) Once again I began wondering if my time was done. I had no desire to write, no desire to do much of anything, for that matter. I had nothing more to give. I had nothing. I even got to the point where I considered shutting down my blogs and going into a hole somewhere. I wondered if God was done with me, for I do know it is true that He does have certain seasons of ministry for certain people. I had reached just about the lowest depths of unbelief…yet not too low to call out to Him once more:

    Are You not a fountain? (let a drop fall here for me)

    Are You not a fountain?
    my soul is thirsting
    panting
    yearning
    I’m dying
    You’ve promised
    living water
    (haven’t You?)
    where is that living water?
    where are You?
    I’ve got nothing to draw with
    I’ve got nothing
    asking You here for but a drop
    a single drop
    Are You not a fountain?
    Are You not my Father?
    Am I not Your child?
    be merciful to me
    for Jesus’ sake
    let a drop fall here for me
    a single drop
    You are my Father
    You Son opened the way into the holy of holies
    He told me to ask You for my daily bread
    Can I not also ask for my daily drink?
    be merciful to me
    for Jesus’ sake
    if You poured out His blood for me on Calvary
    will You not let a drop fall here for me today
    a single drop
    let a drop fall here for me
    do not forsake me, O my God
    Lead me to your living waters
    wipe away my thirst

    Are You not a fountain?
    my soul is weeping
    tossing
    churning
    I’m crying
    You’re promised
    still waters
    (haven’t You?)
    where are those still waters?
    where are You?
    I’ve got nothing to draw with
    I’ve got nothing
    asking You here for but a drop
    a single drop
    Are You not a fountain?
    Are You not my Father?
    Am I not Your child?
    be merciful to me
    for Jesus’ sake
    let a drop fall here for me
    a single drop
    You are my Father
    You Son opened the way into the holy of holies
    He told me to ask You for my daily bread
    Can I not also ask for my daily drink?
    be merciful to me
    for Jesus’ sake
    if You poured out His blood for me on Calvary
    will You not let a drop fall here for me today
    a single drop
    let a drop fall here for me
    do not forsake me, O my God
    Lead me to Your still waters
    wipe away my tears

    After that I tried (in vain) to take hold of His promises, to regain my footing, to recapture the vision. I finally laid my head down on the table and rested (fitfully).

    A while later I got out some lunch and pulled off the printer a couple articles I’d printed out last night from Reformation and Revival Fellowship, which I’d been intending to read for a few days now. The first article was “Revival in William Williams’ Time” by Eifion Evans, which included a short excerpt from William Williams’ book, “The Experience Meeting: An Introduction to the Welsh Societies of the Evangelical Awakening” which I first read last December and have been meaning to begin rereading…

    As soon as I started reading the article, I went back to the bedroom and snatched up my copy of Williams’ book and read the greater context of the excerpt:

        This is the way the Lord worked in that part of the world.  One time, there were just a few of us, professing believers, gathered together, cold and unbelievably dead, in a meeting which we called a special service, so discouraged as to doubt whether we should ever meet again, some who were usually absent from every meeting, some in a deadly apathy, with nothing to say of God nor of their own souls, some given over to the world and its cares, some backslidden completely from all the means of grace and the ordinances of the gospel, some given over to the flesh and its lusts, as in the days of Noah––seeking a wife, seeking a husband, marrying and giving in marriage––and I myself well nigh disheartened and thinking often of coming to live in warmer spiritual climes, and moving my tent from Ur of the Chaldees nearer to the borders of the Promised Land.  But, even though all things were as I have described them––the world, the flesh and Satan victorious––these special services were yet conducted in an incredibly lifeless manner. There was no encouragement for anyone to carry on the work, save only the promise of God, that wherever two or three coming together in His name, if their purpose were right, however lifeless their present state, He would come to them and bless them.  This alone had made us come together to pray; but our prayers were not much more than groans.

        But at last, forced by cowardice, unbelief and the onslaughts of Satan, we resolved to give up our special meeting: and now we were about to offer a final prayer, fully intending never again to meet thus in fellowship. But it is when man reaches the lowest depths of unbelief that God imparts faith, and when man has failed, then God reveals Himself.  So here, with us in such dire straits, on the brink of despair, with the door shut on every hope of success, God Himself entered into our midst, and the light of day from on high dawned upon us; for one of the brethren––yes, the most timid of us all, the one who was strongest in his belief that God would never visit us––  while in prayer, was stirred in his spirit and laid hold powerfully on heaven, as one who would never let go.  His tongue spoke unusual words, his voice was raised, his spirit was aflame, he pleaded, he cried to God, he struggled, he wrestled in earnest, like Jacob, in the agony of his soul.  The fire took hold of others––all were awakened, the coldest to the most heedless took hold and were warmed; into the battle, with him we laid hold upon God, His attributes, His Word and His promises, resolving that we would never let go on our hold until all our desire should be satisfied.

       And this came to pass, for there fell upon us the sweet breath of the love of the Lord.  We were filled as if with the fulness of the bowls and the horns of the altar––the fire was kindled and we gave voice with our tongues.  The cloud melted away, the sun shone, we drank of the fruit of the vines of the promised land, and we were made to rejoice.  Gone was unbelief––gone guilt––gone fear––gone a timid, cowardly spirit, lack of love, envy, suspicion, together with all the poisonous worms that tormented us before; and in their place came love, faith, hope, a joyful spirit, with a glorious multitude of the graces of the Holy Spirit.  Up till now the service was only beginning, for prayer, singing, praise and blessing were redoubled, and no one felt like bringing things to an end; and now some were weeping, some praising, some singing, some filled with heavenly laughter, and all full of wonder and love and amazement at the Lord’s work––to my mind like the time of the Apostles, when the Spirit descended from on high on a handful of fearful people, and strengthened them mightily to come out of their secret hiding place into the midst of the streets of Jerusalem, and to declare the Name of the Lord before every tribe, tongue and nation that had gathered together there, from the uttermost parts of the earth. As it was then, so it was here now.

        This sound went forth and was spread from parish to parish and from village to village, until innumerable people were carrying around the burning word–men and youths, women and children. Preachers, too, came to us from all parts, having heard at a distance rumours of these workings of God… (8-9)

    * * *

    cold and unbelievably dead…Yes, that’d be me.

    discouraged as to doubt whether we should ever meet again…Yes, that’d be me.

    in a deadly apathy, with nothing to say of God nor of their own souls…Yes, that’d be me.

    I myself well nigh disheartened…Yes, that’d be me.

    the onslaughts of Satan…Yes, that’d be me.

    poisonous worms that tormented…Yes, that’d be me.

    the lowest depths of unbelief…Yes, that’d be me.

    man has failed…Yes, that’d be me.

    about to offer a final prayer…Yes, that’d be me.

    in such dire straits, on the brink of despair, with the door shut on every hope of success…Yes, that’d be me.

    There was no encouragement for anyone to carry on the work…Yes, that’d be me.

    I will say that I’ve known these things in great and greater measure over the past several weeks. I’m not exaggerating this.

    Doubt after doubt has piled up upon me, much like shovelful upon shovelful of dirt being tossed upon a dead body lying motionless and breathless in a closed casket. Shut in, with no hope of escape. No light. No oxygen. No nothing. Nothing.

    Now and again there would be a little glimmer of sunshine. A gasp of wind. A short reprieve.

    But then another shovelful of dirt would come.

    And then the darkness was darker. The deadness was deader.

    And another shovelful.

    Even worse.

    And so on.

    This downward spiral has continued for some time now. Then this morning another shovelful of dirt fell upon me in that casket. I was all but resolved to give up. I wondered if I was supposed to. The dreams – gone. The vision – gone. The hope – gone. The desire – gone. The interest – gone. The faith – gone. The joy – gone. I will say that nothing in particular happened to precipitate this. In fact, I had a wonderful unexpected word of encouragement via a phone call last night.

    What I do know is that a cloud has been descending for some time now and earlier today had firmly planted itself … but this was not the heaven-sent bright cloud of Shekinah glory cloud – but rather a dark cloud of doom and despair, which was earthly, sensual and demonic. (And I will say I know a couple of you have spoken to me of similar experiences as well.)

    But it is when man reaches the lowest depths of unbelief that God imparts faith, and when man has failed, then God reveals Himself.  So here, with us in such dire straits, on the brink of despair, with the door shut on every hope of success, God Himself entered into our midst, and the light of day from on high dawned upon us…

    In the lowest depths of my unbelief . . .

    God imparted faith…
    God revealed Himself…
    God Himself entered into my midst, and the light of day from on high dawned upon me…

    God answered my desperate prayer. He sweetly sent a drop for me today from that fountain…

    That entrance, that drop was in the form of that article which led me to pick up and read Williams’ words and see once again the glorious possibilities God has for us as His children if we persevere in meeting together and seeking His face together.

    Isaiah 30
    18  Therefore the LORD waits to be gracious to you,
    and therefore he exalts himself to show mercy to you.
    For the LORD is a God of justice;
    blessed are all those who wait for him.

    19  For a people shall dwell in Zion, in Jerusalem; you shall weep no more. He will surely be gracious to you at the sound of your cry. As soon as he hears it, he answers you. 20  And though the Lord give you the bread of adversity and the water of affliction, yet your Teacher will not hide himself anymore, but your eyes shall see your Teacher. 21  And your ears shall hear a word behind you, saying, “This is the way, walk in it,” when you turn to the right or when you turn to the left. 22  Then you will defile your carved idols overlaid with silver and your gold-plated metal images. You will scatter them as unclean things. You will say to them, “Be gone!”

    23  And he will give rain for the seed with which you sow the ground, and bread, the produce of the ground, which will be rich and plenteous. In that day your livestock will graze in large pastures, 24  and the oxen and the donkeys that work the ground will eat seasoned fodder, which has been winnowed with shovel and fork. 25  And on every lofty mountain and every high hill there will be brooks running with water, in the day of the great slaughter, when the towers fall. 26  Moreover, the light of the moon will be as the light of the sun, and the light of the sun will be sevenfold, as the light of seven days, in the day when the LORD binds up the brokenness of his people, and heals the wounds inflicted by his blow.

    We have got to hold onto the Lord and His promises to us no matter what, no matter how we might feel, no matter what we might see – for we know our Lord never fails to be gracious and merciful to His people:

    18  Therefore the LORD waits to be gracious to you,
    and therefore he exalts himself to show mercy to you.
    For the LORD is a God of justice;
    blessed are all those who wait for him.

    19  For a people shall dwell in Zion, in Jerusalem; you shall weep no more. He will surely be gracious to you at the sound of your cry. As soon as he hears it, he answers you.

    He waits to be gracious.
    He exalts Himself to show mercy to us.
    He is a God of justice.
    We are blessed as we wait for Him.
    We shall weep no more.
    He will surely be gracious to us at the sound of our cry.
    As soon as we cry, He answers us.

    As soon as we cry, He answers us…

    Yet the answer comes in His time. God’s purpose in waiting is that He might be highly exalted. His answers to our cries are divinely timed and orchestrated for His glory to be displayed in the greatest way possible.

    So though the Lord will give us the bread of adversity and the water of affliction for a time . . .

    . . . in His time He will give rain for the seed with which we sow the ground, and bread, the produce of the ground, which will be rich and plenteous, etc.

    May God give us sufficient grace to wait on Him as He waits to be gracious to us. May He strengthen our grip so we might grab hold of Him and His promises and keep holding on to the hem of His garment. May He strengthen our arms to wrestle with Him until He blesses us. May He open our mouths so we might not keep silent and we might take no rest nor give Him rest. That . . .

    we would never let go on our hold until all our desire should be satisfied...

    Isaiah 62

    1  For Zion’s sake I will not keep silent,
    and for Jerusalem’s sake I will not be quiet,
    until her righteousness goes forth as brightness,
    and her salvation as a burning torch…

    6  On your walls, O Jerusalem,
    I have set watchmen;
    all the day and all the night
    they shall never be silent.
    You who put the LORD in remembrance,
    take no rest,
    7  and give him no rest
    until he establishes Jerusalem
    and makes it a praise in the earth.

    (I’d encourage you to read the whole chapter.)

    If God has set us as watchmen – to speak to the Lord on behalf of His Church and for the Lord to speak to His Church – we can trust He will work in us to will and to do of His good pleasure and keep us persevering in that work.

    One reason I began this blog was because I could see the vital need for us to come together to support one another (please see here and here for more of my thoughts on that). We have got to keep meeting together and holding one another up in prayer as well as praying God would lead us to others locally who are also burdened for the Church – because during those times when even all of us are cold and even all of us are a faint flicker, we can trust that God will rend the heavens and rain down fire to inflame the spirit of one of us so the fire might be kindled, take hold of us and warm the rest of us . . . and then warm others besides us:

    while in prayer, was stirred in his spirit and laid hold powerfully on heaven, as one who would never let go.  His tongue spoke unusual words, his voice was raised, his spirit was aflame, he pleaded, he cried to God, he struggled, he wrestled in earnest, like Jacob, in the agony of his soul.  The fire took hold of others––all were awakened, the coldest to the most heedless took hold and were warmed; into the battle, with him we laid hold upon God, His attributes, His Word and His promises, resolving that we would never let go on our hold until all our desire should be satisfied...

    the fire was kindled…The cloud melted away, the sun shone, we drank of the fruit of the vines of the promised land, and we were made to rejoice.

    This sound went forth and was spread from parish to parish and from village to village, until innumerable people were carrying around the burning word–men and youths, women and children. Preachers, too, came to us from all parts, having heard at a distance rumours of these workings of God…

    Ecclesiastes 4:9  Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. 10  For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up! 11  Again, if two lie together, they keep warm, but how can one keep warm alone? 12  And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him—a threefold cord is not quickly broken.

    I will leave you with a final quote from Williams regarding the formation of such groups of believers to encourage, strengthen and support one another:

    A hundred to one against Satan leaving such a flock of sheep in peace without causing some havoc among them––at least tempting them, troubling them and oppressing them, or drawing them into some false pleasure. (11)

    Anytime the people of God gather together in His Name for His glory, to be about His business, to contend for the Gospel, the lion is sure to be prowling and seeking an opportune time to harass, taunt, weaken, discourage and divide the flock. Let’s not forsake the assembling together, my brothers and sisters. I thank you for allowing me to share my blessings and burdens with you. I thank you for your prayers for me. I would be privileged to do the same for you.

    Yours in Christ, contending with You for the Gospel, seeking His face for revival,
    Romans 11:36,
    Karen