encouragement

  • ML-J on depression in the ministry

     
    In my last post I updated you and shared some of my prayer requests and how I was feeling pretty weary. Here’s a little excerpt from that:

    I will tell you that I am feeling pretty burnt out mentally and emotionally as well as physically. It’s hard to admit you’re weak, but this is where I am at tonight…I’m not infallible. I like to think I am…but I do myself no favors by hiding my weaknesses…

    I did a search for the word weary earlier tonight and I found Psalm 68:9:


    Thou, O God, didst send a plentiful rain, whereby thou didst confirm thine inheritance, when it was weary (KJV).

    Rain in abundance, O God, you shed abroad; you restored your inheritance as it languished (ESV).

    * * *

    I thank you for your comments to that post and your prayer for me.

    This past weekend I had a nice getaway with my husband. It was a refreshing time away in many ways.

    With the driving time to get there, plus the time away from home, I had more time to read and had less time online. I finally finished “The Fight of Faith,” the second (and final) volume in Iain Murray’s biography of Martyn Lloyd-Jones. I hadn’t remembered that I actually began reading the book before Christmas, so I have slowly made my way through it; it’s around 800 pages, much of it packed with names, places, details, etc., all of which I have difficulty reading and processing.

    God led me to a wonderful passage in the book (705-706) which was a confirmation of what I already knew regarding calling. (I will add here that Dr. Lloyd-Jones was speaking here to men in the ministry or in Christian leadership, and that he did not endorse women in pastoral ministry. By using his words here I don’t mean to imply that he did. I am not a pastor of a church, and I do not have a calling to pastor per se, but I wanted to make that disclaimer. Many people will take the Doctor’s words and use them out of context. I am using his words here as a general guideline to all of us, since we are all called to minister for God to the Body of Christ, we are all called to walk in good works, and we can all be discouraged in that. But I do want to make clear that along with ML-J, I agree that the call to the pastoral ministry is unique and distinct.)

    I was already aware of these things through my own time in the Word and prayer and I have already read them elsewhere in ML-J’s other books and other places, and I’ve even written about them myself, but I really needed this timely reminder.

    I hope and pray the Doctor’s words here might be a help to you today, or if not today, then some time down the line when you are depressed and doubting your calling. These words come from one of the Westminster Fellowship meetings held in 1977. (The Westminster Fellowship began in 1941 at Westminster Chapel and the meetings were held quarterly for the encouragement of pastors and other men in Christian leadership.)

    Here’s the Doctor:

    I can assure you that depression in the ministry is not a problem of temperament. Men of every conceivable temperament get this trouble – the feeling that everything is on top of us. The one possible exception is the phlegmatic who is not concerned about anything. he is so bucolic, ox-like, that he is not likely to feel a call to the ministry! Men in the ministry are sensitive men. I have met few others. The way to approach this problem is not along lines of temperament – that is incidental.

    The big thing is not to start with the problem. Start with the question, what is your calling? Why are you in the ministry? What is the object of the ministry? Is the church mine? Why am I troubled? Am I concerned about my reputation? Why am I hurt? . . . Our reactions are too often due to a wrong view of our calling. Remember Paul: ‘With me it is a very small thing that I should be judged of you, or of man’s judgment: yes, I judge not mine own self’ [I Cor. 4:3]. I have found this to be the answer so many times. Paul had to go through it all. In Corinth men were praised more than Paul who were not worthy to shine his boots. Paul’s concept of the ministry lay in his calling to be faithful. We should not make it a personal issue.

    Isolate, then, the fact of your calling. Get that right. The antagonism we encounter is generally against the calling and most of our problems arise because we get immersed in the day-to-day problems and forget what we are. ‘Should such a man as I flee?’ [Neh. 6:11]. Nehemiah was talking about his calling. This is the way to look at it. Certain things then become unthinkable and you will not hand in your resignation.

    It is not your church or my church. It is the chosen people of God we serve. We must beware lest we offend the generation of God’s people [Psa. 73:15]. The devil can come in to tempt us but it isn’t always the devil. We have got to see it all in the right perspective. Let us remember who we are. We haven’t entered a profession. We are servants of the living God!

    Aren’t these wonderful words?

    Men in the ministry are sensitive men. I have met few others.

    I’ve had many, many times when I have asked God, no cried out to God with great exasperation, “Why have you made me so sensitive?” By the grace of God, I’ve done that less and less, however, though I still find myself doing it every so often. How brutish I am. *sigh*

    The Doctor’s words were (and are) a real encouragement to me. God knows exactly what He is doing with us. He has shaped us in our mother’s wombs. He has a purpose and plan for us and our temperaments can never limit His sovereign plan for us and He uses our temperaments to bring Him glory (as He uses all things!).

    Start with the question, what is your calling? Why are you in the ministry?

    Yes, exactly! We need to go back to the first things.

    What is the object of the ministry? Is the church mine?

    Woo! Stab! Pierce!

    Why am I troubled? Am I concerned about my reputation? Why am I hurt? Our reactions are too often due to a wrong view of our calling.

    Grrr! Those why questions get us right to the thoughts and intents of the heart, don’t they? Otherwise we remain off track and unable to put our finger on the real issue. We keep jumping around and we remain blinded to the real issue. And when we don’t see the underlying sin and selfishness there, then we can’t ever begin to mortify it or put it off, can we?

    Paul’s concept of the ministry lay in his calling to be faithful. We should not make it a personal issue.

    Oh, I know I too often make it a personal issue! O, that I would see the main thing is to be faithful, faithful to the One who is ever faithful and true!

    Isolate, then, the fact of your calling.

    Amen. That’s the beauty of having a calling. You can go back and look at that time, those verses, that whisper, whatever it was, and then stand with confidence in that calling in spite of your current feelings and circumstances. Isolate, then, the fact of your calling.  The fact. A calling is a fact. It’s not fiction. it’s rooted in the God who spoke that calling into your heart and soul.

    We can go and look back at those Ebenezers, to those piles of stones we’ve set up. This is one reason I love journaling and blogging. It helps me to do that. I’ve also found that even looking through my iPhoto at the pictures of the places where God has met me has been very, very helpful in that.

    I will add here that we need to go beyond isolating the fact of our calling to ministry, we need to go back to our calling to Christ in the first place. How He led us to Himself.

    And for those of us who are married, we need to go back to our calling to our spouses. I can’t imagine being married if I did not have a clear calling to be married.

    We also need to go back to those special times when God has met us in His Word or through others to encourage and strengthen us. I will reread notes, messages and e-mails at times, even blog comments.

    We need to go back to God’s calling to us in our current churches (something I still want to write about, how God clearly led me to the place I am at now).

    We need to go back and remember those times He has rejoiced our souls even in the darkness, and then to remember that even in all the hurts, to recall how His good hand has continued to be upon us and He has not allowed anyone to harm us (Genesis 31:7b). How He has done great things for us and has never left us or forsaken us even in the night seasons.

    We need to have ways to go back and remember.

    I will write dates by some of those special Scriptures in my Bibles. And in the past year or so, I’ve begun writing some special passages from Scripture or the saints or some assurances, encouragements or directives God has given in the front and back covers of my spiral notebooks, so they are easier for me to find. (Yes, spiral notebooks work. You don’t need any fancy journals.)

    It is not your church or my church. It is the chosen people of God we serve.

    Ouch! Oh, yes, this is too easy to forget. If we look at the people of God as God’s flock, as His people, isn’t that freeing for us as we minister? We know that the Lord God, the Redeemer, has a vested interest in the welfare of His people because His glory is all bound up with the Church herself.

    We have got to see it all in the right perspective. Let us remember who we are. We haven’t entered a profession. We are servants of the living God!

    Yes! The right perspective! We are servants of the living God! And living souls are at stake. If we could keep that straight it would do us well to keep us well grounded and rooted and keep us from getting off-track in so many ways. Not to serve ourselves, or even to serve others, but first and foremost to serve Him…as our Lord did.

    I seek not my own will but the will of him who sent me.

    * * *

    Our Father, we know You have redeemed us with the precious blood of Jesus. You have uniquely called us out of the world with a holy calling and have equipped each of us to serve You for Your glory. Lord God, protect each of us in our calling, encourage us and strengthen us, so we might walk in the works You have ordained for us. Give us ears to hear Your voice always. For those who do not have a clear sense of Your calling, who are not certain about the holy ambition You have for them, I pray You would help them to keep seeking Your face diligently. We know Your timing is perfect and You will lead us in Your perfect way and in Your perfect time. Help us all to be obedient to the light You have already shown us, rather than waiting for more. May we all redeem the time each day and use all You have given us to Your glory. Help us to pray for and to encourage one another here. Show us when we are getting off track and our focus is wrong. Convict us of our sinful tendencies to make ministry about us rather than about You and about serving Your people. Remind us that Your love for Your sheep far exceeds ours. Though we ought to care for the sheep and be willing to lay down our lives for them, help us to be able to rest in the full assurance of Your sovereignty, that no one can snatch one of Your elect sheep out of Your hand – ever. Christ’s blood will keep them all. Help us to look back to the fact of our calling and to see how Your good hand has continued to be on us at all times, even the worst of times, and to see that You have always been and will continue to work all things for our good, for the furtherance of the Gospel and for Your glory. We commit ourselves to You to be used as You will. May You continue to raise up pastors who are men after Your own heart. Amen.

  • Update/Prayer Requests – April 20, 2010

    I’d been thinking about doing this for a while now. As I have said, I envisioned deerlife to be a place we can encourage one another, specifically regarding our ministry (please see more about deerlife here and here).

    Hebrews 10:23  Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for he who promised is faithful. 24  And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, 25  not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near.

    I will tell you that I am feeling pretty burnt out mentally and emotionally as well as physically. It’s hard to admit you’re weak, but this is where I am at tonight…I’m not infallible. I like to think I am…but I do myself no favors by hiding my weaknesses…

    I did a search for the word weary earlier tonight and I found Psalm 68:9:


    Thou, O God, didst send a plentiful rain, whereby thou didst confirm thine inheritance, when it was weary (KJV).

    Rain in abundance, O God, you shed abroad; you restored your inheritance as it languished (ESV).

    I am praying God would restore me at this time. I’m languishing and I’m weary right now.

    I love ministering to people, but I also need a lot of time alone.

    I find I often become personally involved with the people God has sent into my life, so that can be draining for me.

    I am in need of wisdom and discernment for direction for my blogging here, including being more specific about the mission and vision for each of my blogs and my aims for them and how I should be spending my time here. I have some things I believe God has been putting on my heart, and these have been weighing on me, so I have been continuing to seek His mind on these matters.

    I recently became a member of a local church here, so I am also asking how God might have me serve there as well as in the larger church in the Madison area.

    With that as background, as God leads you, I would appreciate your praying for any or all of the following. Thank you.

    God would give me wisdom to use my time well and in a way that honors HIm, including the time I spend with/in

    family
    church family
    personal ministry (one-on-one ministry, both in person as well as online)
    blogging


    I would continue to seek God for His strength and supply and not rely on myself.

    Personal holiness.

    God would help me to rest and take Sabbath when He calls me to do so.

    I would devote more time to prayer and intercession. 

    The Holy Spirit would anoint and empower my words here and elsewhere (otherwise, they’re worthless).

    God would continue to lead me to like-minded people here and in the Madison area, brothers and sisters in Christ with a heart for prayer, the ministry of the Word and revival and who have a burden for lukewarm and lost souls. Along with that, I am asking God would give me wisdom and discernment to know to whom to entrust myself (and not to).

    Holy Spirit equipping to know how to answer every man (and along w/ that, to discern to whom God has called me to minister…)

    Steadfastness and obedience in what God has already shown me to do – until He leads elsewhere. (My tendency is to get antsy and move on…)

    Sanctified ears to hear God’s voice clearly and a heart to respond to in trusting and childlike obedience (even when I don’t have all the answers!).

    I would continue to have an eternal, Kingdom vision and focus on God’s glory and not my own glory.

    I would not be discouraged or ensnared by lack of results, lack of numbers.

    If you have any requests you would like to share here publicly, please include them below. If you would prefer to message me privately, I would be privileged to pray for and with you.

  • Half a dozen men: Is that too many to ask for? (deer retreat update)

     
    I read George Whitefield’s Journals last year and have wanted to reread them (I’ve dabbled in them a bit since that time), but I did take them along with me on retreat last week (see here and here for more on my time away).

    Luke Tyerman (quoted by Iain Murray in the Introduction to George Whitefield’s Journals, p. 19) wrote this about Whitefield:

    Half a dozen men like Whitefield would at any time move a nation, stir its churches, and reform its morals. Whitefield’s power was not in his talents, nor even in his oratory, but in his piety. In some respects, he has no successors; but in prayer, in faith, in religious experience, in devotedness to God, he may have many. Such men are the gift of God, and are infinitely more valuable than all the gold in the Church’s coffers. Never did the world need them more than it needs them now. May Whitefield’s God raise them up, and thrust them out!

    After reading those words I wrote the following reflection/prayer in the margin and at the bottom of the page:

    Is He [the Lord] not the Giver of every good gift? Can we not ask Him for half a dozen? Are not half a dozen sufficient – so long as they are animated by the Spirit of God, devoted to the glory of God and driven by the zeal of the Lord of hosts? Matthew 7:7. He can save by many or few. His glory is magnified when it is but few.

    He provides workers with an eye and aim to HIS glory first and foremost. He will never provide a single worker more lest it obscure His glory.

    Let us rejoice in the workers He has provided.

    Let us pray He would send more workers into His harvest.

    Let us not question His ways, nor presume to be His counselor. All things are from Him, through Him and to Him and His glory. Romans 11:36.

    A worker He will not withhold should that soul in concert with the others work to magnify His Name.

    Let us trust His ways > ours.

    Amen.

    So there I was praying in faith for half a dozen workers, trusting God to work through that small number…I thought that was a pretty strong prayer of faith…

    But God showed me otherwise…

    During one the services I attended while I was away, Scripture was read from Isaiah 51…

    1  “Listen to me, you who pursue righteousness,
    you who seek the LORD:
    look to the rock from which you were hewn,
    and to the quarry from which you were dug.
    2  Look to Abraham your father
    and to Sarah who bore you;
    for he was but one when I called him,
    that I might bless him and multiply him.
    3  For the LORD comforts Zion;
    he comforts all her waste places
    and makes her wilderness like Eden,
    her desert like the garden of the LORD;
    joy and gladness will be found in her,
    thanksgiving and the voice of song.
    4  “Give attention to me, my people,
    and give ear to me, my nation;
    for a law will go out from me,
    and I will set my justice for a light to the peoples.
    5  My righteousness draws near,
    my salvation has gone out,
    and my arms will judge the peoples;
    the coastlands hope for me,
    and for my arm they wait.

    I had been asking the Lord for a half a dozen men and had been thinking that was a bold step of faith since in the big scheme of things half a dozen men is not very many, yet God rebuked and humbled me and reminded me all He needs is a single man. He doesn’t need half a dozen men! He needs but one!

    Look to Abraham your father…
    for he was but one when I called him,
    that I might bless him and multiply him.

    Aren’t God’s ways and thoughts are higher than ours?

    for he was but one when I called him,
    that I might bless him and multiply him.

    We think (I think, anyhow) we certainly need more than one. We think (I think, anyhow) we need half a dozen men (or more, often many more). I continue to fall into the trap that we need more, more, more. More people to pray. More people to preach the Word. More. More. Grrr!

    Is anything too hard for the Lord? No, of course not!

    Can the Lord save by many or by few? Yes and yes!

    Is not the Lord among His people wherever they go? Certainly yes!

    Is the Lord’s arm shortened or His power diminished because the numbers of men He chooses to enlist in His work are small? No, of course not!

    On a retreat last spring God pretty much reminded me of this very same thing as I read Joshua 3 and reflected on His call to Israel to step out in faith:

    There God is saying to the priests and the people (and us) (my paraphrase, see also Psalm 78):

    “Yes, the Jordan is ahead of you. Yes, I see the Jordan is overflowing its banks because it is harvest time. Yes, I have eyes to see that. I see that. Of course I do. I see all things. Do you not know I created the Jordan River? But do you not also know I am the God of the Jordan River? Do you not remember that I created the seasons and control them all? Do you not know? Have you not heard? Have you forgotten I am the living God? Have you forgotten all things exist because of Me and all things were created through Me and for Me and that I am before all things and in Me all things consist?

    “Do you not see Me high and lifted up? No, you may not see me with your naked eye but do you see me with the eye of faith? Will you not trust in Me, the God who is invisible, but the God who abides in and with you? Will you trust me with a heart of faith? Do you not see that I am going before you and beside you and behind you? I am with My people whithersoever they go. You are My people. I have redeemed you and I have set my love on you because I loved you. I have promised to never leave you or forsake you. The Jordan is flooding now. But I command you to go on, to begin. “How can we go on?” you ask. “How can we begin?” you ask. I tell you, you go on by faith in Me and My promises to you. You begin by faith in Me and My promises to you. Don’t limit me as your fathers did in the wilderness did.

    “Do you not remember My power, on the day I redeemed you from the enemy with the precious Lamb’s blood and worked signs and wonders in Egypt and made you to go forth. Did I not guide you like a flock and lead you safely through the Red Sea? Will you not remember I am your Rock and I am the Most High God, your Redeemer? Will you be like your fathers? Will you limit the Holy One of Israel? Remember My power! Remember the day I redeemed you from the enemy. I am the God who did wonders then and I am the God who does wonders today and I am the God who will do wonders among you tomorrow. I am the same yesterday, today and forever. I am the Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the End, who is and who was and who is to come, the Almighty God.”

    Once more I’ve been reminded of how small my view of God is, how puny my faith is, and how I continue to limit God.

    Did not God’s Spirit move and bless and multiply through a single soul like Abraham our father?

    Did not God’s Spirit move and bless and multiply through a single soul, our Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ?

    Cannot God’s Spirit move and bless and multiply through a single one of us today?

    I confess I find that hard to believe at times. (“O, Karen, ye of little faith!”)

    Yesterday on my other blog I was reflecting on Kingdom vision and posted some quotes from David Livingstone (from Rob Mackenzie’s biography “David Livingstone: The Truth behind the Legend”). Here’s one of them:

     
     
    A quiet audience today. The seed being sown, the least of all seeds now, but it will grow a mighty tree. It is as if it were a small stone cut out of a mountain, but it will fill the whole earth. He that believeth shall not make haste. Surely if God can bear with hardened impenitent sinners for 30, 40 or 50 years, waiting to be gracious, we may take it for granted that His is the best way. He could destroy His enemies, but He waits to be gracious. To become irritated with their stubbornness and hardness of heart is ungodlike.

    I know Livingstone meant this in a different way, but my friends in Christ, aren’t we are that seed being sown, aren’t we that small stone…

    John 12:24  Truly, truly, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit. 25  Whoever loves his life loses it, and whoever hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life. 26  If anyone serves me, he must follow me; and where I am, there will my servant be also. If anyone serves me, the Father will honor him.

    Yes, it’s true that we are the least of all seeds now and we are a small stone now…seemingly insignificant in the eyes of men (and in our own eyes)…

    However, because we are called by God and because we are filled with the Spirit of God … Will we not grow a mighty tree? Will we not fill the whole earth?

    Has God not called us like He did Abraham … so He might bless and multiply us?

    We see how we are so much like Abraham. Abraham was weak and powerless, his body was as good as dead and Sarah’s womb was barren (see the last part of Romans 4) and yet we see how he trusted God’s word and was justified by faith and lived by faith and God wrought through him a great nation, of which we are now a part by faith in Christ.

    Romans 4:18  In hope [Abraham] believed against hope, that he should become the father of many nations, as he had been told, “So shall your offspring be.” 19  He did not weaken in faith when he considered his own body, which was as good as dead (since he was about a hundred years old), or when he considered the barrenness of Sarah’s womb. 20  No distrust made him waver concerning the promise of God, but he grew strong in his faith as he gave glory to God, 21  fully convinced that God was able to do what he had promised.

    This is the same type of faith we’re to have in God and in the promises of God. Yes, we are as good as dead. Yes, we are the least of seeds now. Yes, we are the small stone now … Yes, that’s us. But what do we know about God? Is not our God is the God who gives life to the dead and calls into existence the things that do not exist. Romans 4:17.

    Just as the Lord Jesus Christ was crucified, died, was buried and rose again from the dead to be the firstfruits of many creatures, so too we have been buried with Christ and raised by His resurrection power and filled with His Spirit so we might bear fruit to God – much fruit, fruit that will last (John 15). As we put to death our fleshly desires and live the life by His Spirit He intends, as we die to our own interests and live to His Kingdom interests, to seek to serve rather than be served, there is no doubt the Lord Christ will bear fruit through us (e.g.- see Romans 6). That is God’s intent for each of His children, not just the George Whitefields of the world, not just the ordained pastors, not just the worship leaders, etc., etc. If we are Christ’s joint-heirs, we cannot help but bear fruit like our Brother because we have His same fruit-bearing Spirit dwelling within us.

    As Abraham was but one, we are but few when He calls us, but God’s intent has always been the same for His people: to bless us and multiply us and bear fruit through us throughout the whole earth! Was that not Jesus’ commission to us? Has our Lord not given us all we need to bear fruit as He commands?

    Luke 24:46  …“Thus it is written, that the Christ should suffer and on the third day rise from the dead, 47  and that repentance and forgiveness of sins should be proclaimed in his name to all nations, beginning from Jerusalem. 48  You are witnesses of these things. 49  And behold, I am sending the promise of my Father upon you. But stay in the city until you are clothed with power from on high.”

    Matthew 28:18  And Jesus came and said to them, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. 19  Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, 20  teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you. And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age.”

    Returning back to the title of this post…

    Half a dozen men: Is that too many to ask for?

    Perhaps it is too many. Perhaps not. No matter. Let us ask our Lord first and foremost to circumcise each of our hearts by His Spirit so we might die to self to live to Him, to hate our lives in this world so we might keep them for eternal life, so we might bear much fruit to His glory. By His grace, may we trust His ways and His timing, knowing that He is working all things for His glory, whether it takes 30, 40 or 50 years or more, for we can be assured that He waits only so He might be highly exalted (Isaiah 30:18)! And, by His grace, may we (I) not limit Him but leave the numbers to Him! For indeed He doeth all things well, does He not?

    Never did the world need them more than it needs them now!
    May Whitefield’s God and our God raise them (us) up, and thrust them (and us) out!
    Soli Deo Gloria!

     

    If you have a burden and calling from God to pray for revival, please visit my website tent of meeting, dedicated to prayer for revival.

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    Scripture quotations are from The Holy Bible, English Standard Version, copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved.