This morning (and actually over the past several weeks now), I was struggling with what God was doing and I was struggling with persevering (e.g. – see also here, here, here, here and here.) Once again I began wondering if my time was done. I had no desire to write, no desire to do much of anything, for that matter. I had nothing more to give. I had nothing. I even got to the point where I considered shutting down my blogs and going into a hole somewhere. I wondered if God was done with me, for I do know it is true that He does have certain seasons of ministry for certain people. I had reached just about the lowest depths of unbelief…yet not too low to call out to Him once more:

After that I tried (in vain) to take hold of His promises, to regain my footing, to recapture the vision. I finally laid my head down on the table and rested (fitfully).

A while later I got out some lunch and pulled off the printer a couple articles I’d printed out last night from Reformation and Revival Fellowship, which I’d been intending to read for a few days now. The first article was “Revival in William Williams’ Time” by Eifion Evans, which included a short excerpt from William Williams’ book, “The Experience Meeting: An Introduction to the Welsh Societies of the Evangelical Awakening” which I first read last December and have been meaning to begin rereading…

As soon as I started reading the article, I went back to the bedroom and snatched up my copy of Williams’ book and read the greater context of the excerpt:

    This is the way the Lord worked in that part of the world.  One time, there were just a few of us, professing believers, gathered together, cold and unbelievably dead, in a meeting which we called a special service, so discouraged as to doubt whether we should ever meet again, some who were usually absent from every meeting, some in a deadly apathy, with nothing to say of God nor of their own souls, some given over to the world and its cares, some backslidden completely from all the means of grace and the ordinances of the gospel, some given over to the flesh and its lusts, as in the days of Noah––seeking a wife, seeking a husband, marrying and giving in marriage––and I myself well nigh disheartened and thinking often of coming to live in warmer spiritual climes, and moving my tent from Ur of the Chaldees nearer to the borders of the Promised Land.  But, even though all things were as I have described them––the world, the flesh and Satan victorious––these special services were yet conducted in an incredibly lifeless manner. There was no encouragement for anyone to carry on the work, save only the promise of God, that wherever two or three coming together in His name, if their purpose were right, however lifeless their present state, He would come to them and bless them.  This alone had made us come together to pray; but our prayers were not much more than groans.

    But at last, forced by cowardice, unbelief and the onslaughts of Satan, we resolved to give up our special meeting: and now we were about to offer a final prayer, fully intending never again to meet thus in fellowship. But it is when man reaches the lowest depths of unbelief that God imparts faith, and when man has failed, then God reveals Himself.  So here, with us in such dire straits, on the brink of despair, with the door shut on every hope of success, God Himself entered into our midst, and the light of day from on high dawned upon us; for one of the brethren––yes, the most timid of us all, the one who was strongest in his belief that God would never visit us––  while in prayer, was stirred in his spirit and laid hold powerfully on heaven, as one who would never let go.  His tongue spoke unusual words, his voice was raised, his spirit was aflame, he pleaded, he cried to God, he struggled, he wrestled in earnest, like Jacob, in the agony of his soul.  The fire took hold of others––all were awakened, the coldest to the most heedless took hold and were warmed; into the battle, with him we laid hold upon God, His attributes, His Word and His promises, resolving that we would never let go on our hold until all our desire should be satisfied.

   And this came to pass, for there fell upon us the sweet breath of the love of the Lord.  We were filled as if with the fulness of the bowls and the horns of the altar––the fire was kindled and we gave voice with our tongues.  The cloud melted away, the sun shone, we drank of the fruit of the vines of the promised land, and we were made to rejoice.  Gone was unbelief––gone guilt––gone fear––gone a timid, cowardly spirit, lack of love, envy, suspicion, together with all the poisonous worms that tormented us before; and in their place came love, faith, hope, a joyful spirit, with a glorious multitude of the graces of the Holy Spirit.  Up till now the service was only beginning, for prayer, singing, praise and blessing were redoubled, and no one felt like bringing things to an end; and now some were weeping, some praising, some singing, some filled with heavenly laughter, and all full of wonder and love and amazement at the Lord’s work––to my mind like the time of the Apostles, when the Spirit descended from on high on a handful of fearful people, and strengthened them mightily to come out of their secret hiding place into the midst of the streets of Jerusalem, and to declare the Name of the Lord before every tribe, tongue and nation that had gathered together there, from the uttermost parts of the earth. As it was then, so it was here now.

    This sound went forth and was spread from parish to parish and from village to village, until innumerable people were carrying around the burning word–men and youths, women and children. Preachers, too, came to us from all parts, having heard at a distance rumours of these workings of God… (8-9)

cold and unbelievably dead…Yes, that’d be me.

discouraged as to doubt whether we should ever meet again…Yes, that’d be me.

in a deadly apathy, with nothing to say of God nor of their own souls…Yes, that’d be me.

I myself well nigh disheartened…Yes, that’d be me.

the onslaughts of Satan…Yes, that’d be me.

poisonous worms that tormented…Yes, that’d be me.

the lowest depths of unbelief…Yes, that’d be me.

man has failed…Yes, that’d be me.

about to offer a final prayer…Yes, that’d be me.

in such dire straits, on the brink of despair, with the door shut on every hope of success…Yes, that’d be me.

There was no encouragement for anyone to carry on the work…Yes, that’d be me.

I will say that I’ve known these things in great and greater measure over the past several weeks. I’m not exaggerating this.

Doubt after doubt has piled up upon me, much like shovelful upon shovelful of dirt being tossed upon a dead body lying motionless and breathless in a closed casket. Shut in, with no hope of escape. No light. No oxygen. No nothing. Nothing.

Now and again there would be a little glimmer of sunshine. A gasp of wind. A short reprieve.

But then another shovelful of dirt would come.

And then the darkness was darker. The deadness was deader.

And another shovelful.

Even worse.

And so on.

This downward spiral has continued for some time now. Then this morning another shovelful of dirt fell upon me in that casket. I was all but resolved to give up. I wondered if I was supposed to. The dreams – gone. The vision – gone. The hope – gone. The desire – gone. The interest – gone. The faith – gone. The joy – gone. I will say that nothing in particular happened to precipitate this. In fact, I had a wonderful unexpected word of encouragement via a phone call last night.

What I do know is that a cloud has been descending for some time now and earlier today had firmly planted itself … but this was not the heaven-sent bright cloud of Shekinah glory cloud – but rather a dark cloud of doom and despair, which was earthly, sensual and demonic. (And I will say I know a couple of you have spoken to me of similar experiences as well.)

But it is when man reaches the lowest depths of unbelief that God imparts faith, and when man has failed, then God reveals Himself.  So here, with us in such dire straits, on the brink of despair, with the door shut on every hope of success, God Himself entered into our midst, and the light of day from on high dawned upon us…

In the lowest depths of my unbelief . . .

God imparted faith…
God revealed Himself…
God Himself entered into my midst, and the light of day from on high dawned upon me…

God answered my desperate prayer. He sweetly sent a drop for me today from that fountain…

That entrance, that drop was in the form of that article which led me to pick up and read Williams’ words and see once again the glorious possibilities God has for us as His children if we persevere in meeting together and seeking His face together.

We have got to hold onto the Lord and His promises to us no matter what, no matter how we might feel, no matter what we might see – for we know our Lord never fails to be gracious and merciful to His people:

He waits to be gracious.
He exalts Himself to show mercy to us.
He is a God of justice.
We are blessed as we wait for Him.
We shall weep no more.
He will surely be gracious to us at the sound of our cry.
As soon as we cry, He answers us.

As soon as we cry, He answers us…

Yet the answer comes in His time. God’s purpose in waiting is that He might be highly exalted. His answers to our cries are divinely timed and orchestrated for His glory to be displayed in the greatest way possible.

So though the Lord will give us the bread of adversity and the water of affliction for a time . . .

May God give us sufficient grace to wait on Him as He waits to be gracious to us. May He strengthen our grip so we might grab hold of Him and His promises and keep holding on to the hem of His garment. May He strengthen our arms to wrestle with Him until He blesses us. May He open our mouths so we might not keep silent and we might take no rest nor give Him rest. That . . .

If God has set us as watchmen – to speak to the Lord on behalf of His Church and for the Lord to speak to His Church – we can trust He will work in us to will and to do of His good pleasure and keep us persevering in that work.

One reason I began this blog was because I could see the vital need for us to come together to support one another (please see here and here for more of my thoughts on that). We have got to keep meeting together and holding one another up in prayer as well as praying God would lead us to others locally who are also burdened for the Church – because during those times when even all of us are cold and even all of us are a faint flicker, we can trust that God will rend the heavens and rain down fire to inflame the spirit of one of us so the fire might be kindled, take hold of us and warm the rest of us . . . and then warm others besides us:

while in prayer, was stirred in his spirit and laid hold powerfully on heaven, as one who would never let go.  His tongue spoke unusual words, his voice was raised, his spirit was aflame, he pleaded, he cried to God, he struggled, he wrestled in earnest, like Jacob, in the agony of his soul.  The fire took hold of others––all were awakened, the coldest to the most heedless took hold and were warmed; into the battle, with him we laid hold upon God, His attributes, His Word and His promises, resolving that we would never let go on our hold until all our desire should be satisfied...

the fire was kindled…The cloud melted away, the sun shone, we drank of the fruit of the vines of the promised land, and we were made to rejoice.

This sound went forth and was spread from parish to parish and from village to village, until innumerable people were carrying around the burning word–men and youths, women and children. Preachers, too, came to us from all parts, having heard at a distance rumours of these workings of God…

Ecclesiastes 4:9  Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. 10  For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up! 11  Again, if two lie together, they keep warm, but how can one keep warm alone? 12  And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him—a threefold cord is not quickly broken.

I will leave you with a final quote from Williams regarding the formation of such groups of believers to encourage, strengthen and support one another:

Anytime the people of God gather together in His Name for His glory, to be about His business, to contend for the Gospel, the lion is sure to be prowling and seeking an opportune time to harass, taunt, weaken, discourage and divide the flock. Let’s not forsake the assembling together, my brothers and sisters. I thank you for allowing me to share my blessings and burdens with you. I thank you for your prayers for me. I would be privileged to do the same for you.

Yours in Christ, contending with You for the Gospel, seeking His face for revival,
Romans 11:36,
Karen

 
Tonight I’m getting together w/ a group of friends. We’ve not all been in one place for over a year now. We’d called our gatherings “Vegas,” well…because most of you know the saying,

“What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas.”™

We would hold each other accountable and were able to say anything to one another because we knew what we said would be guarded and held near and dear to our hearts.

I’m thankful for my online friends here and my irl friends. It will be good to reunite with these dear friends once again tonight.

I admit I have a love-hate attitude toward friendships.

Though I’m an extrovert, I’m right on the borderline, so I need a lot of time alone.

I like reading and study and writing. You can’t really do those that very well when you’re with someone else or a group of people. Though when meeting with a friend or a small group of friends, I can reflect on what I’ve read with others, so that’s a case where the two come together.

I really don’t like large groups of people; I often find myself uncomfortable in such situations. But if I can find a single person with whom I share a common bond, I can speak with her/him for quite a long time (e.g.- just mention the doctrines of grace or Piper or ML-J!).

For example, I attended an event in the past year and ended up talking with someone, and as far as I was concerned I would have been quite content to sit with that person for hours and hours more. I’m not good at small talk, but if that spark comes, that little insight that you know you there’s something bonding you below the surface stuff, then I’m glued in place and attentive and engaged.

Though I know friends are a gift from God, as with all God’s gifts, the devil can twist that, so we end up worshiping the gift rather than the Giver. We can never become more dependent on our friends more than we are on Christ. He must be central. He alone is our all in all. Our friends are an extension of Him, and, as with all His gifts, they must be held with an open hand. That has been a lesson God keeps shoving in front of me time and again, especially in this past year.

I’m thankful for you, my friends here, and especially thankful for your prayers, comments and messages after my post last night. I am alive and kicking. I think I freaked some of you out by what I wrote.

FYI: I become discouraged fairly often; it’s just most of you don’t see it happening in real time, but it comes out in little snippets in my writing. I feel akin to Jeremiah in many ways. However, I will say the other day was pretty extreme, but I am thankful God brought me to my senses quickly and got me out of that miry and slimy slough of doubt, despond and despair and helped me to fix my eyes on Him once again.

I am thankful for all the Aarons and Hurs God has graciously provided for me, including those in my Vegas group as well as many of you who have lifted my arms on several occasions.

That said, I hope I can do the same for you. And I hope deerlife can be a place we can do this for one another. As Jesus told Peter,

I hope deerlife will be a place where we can strengthen one another as we battle and encourage one another to press on to the prize of the high calling. (Please see more about my vision for deerlife at the top of my main page.)

How have friends encouraged you?
How have you struggled in your friendships?
Do you have a friend or friends who regularly keep you accountable?
What might we be doing here at deerlife to encourage one regularly?

Hi everyone! Welcome to deerlife!

I’m just getting started here, so the site is still under construction…but a few thoughts off the bat…(well, more than a few, I suppose)…

Why the name deerlife?

I’m a deer set free…The name is a bit of a change-up from Revelife…

The deer set free – that’s from Genesis 49:21, a verse which hit me a few years back…not long after God had begun to free me to worship Him and serve Him in a way I’d not known before. (I wrote more about that here.) Since that time He’s had me on an unbelievable and wonderful journey with Him, a journey I never would have imagined. It’s not been without challenges, griefs, heartaches or pain, but He has been with me through it all, and has grown me in ways I’d not imagined.

God is my first passion. I’ve been saved for over 28 years (so most likely I’m older than you!), and I’ve been married almost as long to a man whom God used to draw me to Himself.

I love God more today than ever. He has shown me how wonderful His provision for me in Jesus Christ is. Christ took on my sin and died for me, so I might be forgiven of my sin. And then God credited Christ’s perfect righteousness to me so I might be accepted in His sight and have fellowship with Him. God the Father made me His child by grace through faith in Jesus Christ. It was His free gift to me. Undeserved by me (I was unworthy). Unearned by me (salvation is a gift which cannot be earned or bought or bartered for in any way whatsoever). The part of the freedom I’ve only begun to understand in the past few years is that God has given me a new heart, a new nature though the gift of His Holy Spirit so I might be able to fulfill His commandments, to walk in His ways and to remain in His yoke. Yes, I could have told you about the Holy Spirit, I could have said He was important, but I can’t say I really had been able to see my real need of Him; my Christian life was much more of myself than of Christ.

In other words: our salvation from beginning to ending (our justification, our sanctification as well as our glorification) is all of God and all of Christ and all to the glory of God alone (I Corinthians 1:30-31; Romans 8:29-30). Not that I really understand that, but by His grace I am trying to walk that out as He reveals more to me…

I’m in love with the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ who purchased me by His sovereign grace alone. No, by that I do NOT mean Jesus is my boyfriend – not at all! This love is both intimate and reverential. I know I only love God because He first loved me. I adore Him as my all in all (though I confess I do not always treat Him as such). I desire to give Him my all knowing that He gave His all for me (I confess I often fail at that, and that not only grieves God but grieves me as well).

Jesus Christ died so we might know His Father and know Him (John 17:3). That knowledge goes beyond a mere head knowledge but to a living reality which produces joy unspeakable and full of glory. As the grace of God works in us to will and to do of His good pleasure (Philippians 2:12-13), as we follow after God, we can have fullness of joy and pleasures forevermore…there is no need for us to wait until heaven to enjoy God. We are created to enjoy God here and now: today. Even in our pain and sorrow. Even in our suffering and disappointment. No matter what joy can be ours because we know that God is for us and we know that nothing whatsoever can ever separate us from our God.  I’m pursuing God for His sake and for His glory, but as I do so I have seen as I do so, it brings me joy I never thought possible. So that makes me a Christian hedonist.

I hope and pray that if you’ve not known God at all or if you have known Him but have never known His joy in such a way, as we meet here together you might desire to know Him more intimately, to know Him as Abba, Father, the God who is transcendent as well as immanent, the God who died so You might know Him. That you might come to know and understand that the God who created all things and rules over the entire universe also tends and cares for the sheep of His pasture, and He calls each one by name and is intimately involved with all His people. He sent His Son, so each one of His children might enter into His very presence unashamed with boldness and confidence.

I also desire that we might become more intimately attuned to the workings of His Holy Spirit in our lives. Let us consider the wonder of this: For all who have believed on Christ, the life of God has come to dwell in our very souls (borrowing there from Henry Scougal). Our very souls! Will you ponder that! How can it be? It was amazing enough that God sent His Son to become sin for us, to die for on the cross for our sin and credited His righteousness to us, so we might not be condemned but have peace with God. But then God sent His Spirit to live in us!…I think we all need to grow in our understanding of that life who dwells within us…at least I know I certainly do.

A few more things about me…

A couple notes regarding my theological beliefs…

I subscribe to the five solasAs way of disclaimer: I’m a deer who likes tulips…no, not eating tulips, but rather I should say I like tulip…TULIP, a.k.a. Reformed Theology. I know many of my brothers and sisters in the Body of Christ do not. By God’s grace, however, I endeavor to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace. I welcome and count all as brothers and sisters in Christ Jesus who have been washed in the fountain of Christ’s blood and are trusting Him alone to save.

In addition to my passion for God, I have a passion to see God’s people, God’s Church, revived again.

Related to all the above, in case you didn’t already know it, I’ve already got a couple other sites on Xanga:

So, why deerlife?

Good question! (Yes, tell me if I’m nuts, or what…)

One reason I set up this site was so I might do Xanga TV…if I’m brave enough. lol. A friend here (a friend?!), yes a friend , has challenged me to do that…I must say that I generally prefer writing, but though I do have opportunities to speak with friends in person (which immensely blesses me and I hope them also), I have found myself wanting to speak a few of my thoughts to my friends here on Xanga and Revelife. We’ll have to see about that, however…

I’m not quite sure what I might actually end up doing here, but it may be…

I admit I’m serious much of the time, but once in a while I do like to kick back and relax – but even then my mind is still buzzing and full of ideas…with a concern for God and His Church and His glory always rising to the surface…and a desire to press on to know Him and to help others do the same.

Who knows what else might happen here at deerlife? I’m not really sure. I’m not expecting to spend a whole lot of time on this site, but I hope it might be a means to connect and fellowship with like-minded brothers and sisters in Christ, to be able to kick back in a bit less formal way, to interchange ideas and bounce things off one another, to talk about our relationships to God, our daily challenges in walking in the Spirit and mortifying the flesh, to share our blessings and burdens and to encourage one another to run the race set before us, to help us live the life God intends…and through all that to glorify God and enjoy Him forever (or to glorify God by enjoying Him forever) as we fellowship here with one another. Of course, anyone else is more than welcome to come along for the ride as well…with the full disclaimer that I am a Christian and I expect many of the others who may join in will be also, therefore no doubt there will be talk about our Savior Jesus Christ and we will be speaking and discussing from a Christian/Biblical worldview.

So a few more ideas of what possibly might happen here…Perhaps we might:

• share what God has been teaching us through the sermons we hear as well as our individual and group studies of His Word
• discuss theological issues
• discuss ministry issues (how we can practically help others)
• share good resources (books, authors, sermons, music). With that, I’ll make this disclaimer: mostly all the books I read are by dead authors, meaning as far as I’m concerned there is very little worthwhile being published nowadays. I know there are exceptions to that, but I’m sad to say that they are few and far between.
• discuss and pray for one another that God’s will be done in our lives and our lives might be to His praise, honor and glory, after all that’s what we’re here for, isn’t it? (For example we might ask for and discuss ways we might mortify/overcome sin, and ask for prayer and help in discerning God’s will for our lives, etc.)

(With all that, I would certainly direct you to check out my other blogs I cited above…)

I feel I already have a lot I’m already juggling (as do many of you), but if we might come together here once in a while to support each other, I pray it might be a blessing to all so we might build up the local body of Christ in our own communities.

Please feel free to comment, message me, use the chatboard, etc., etc.

I love the Church and want to see her glorify God as she is intended and that starts with each one of us! I am a strong advocate of every member ministry. As Christians, we are all ministers, we are all uniquely called and equipped by God to be serving Him, His people and our neighbor in love with the gifts and resources He provides for His glory. I am praying God would be gracious to us and allow us to encourage one another to live our lives to His glory in the places He has put us here on this earth.

Enjoying Him immensely and hoping and praying you will also,
Karen

Psalm 16:11.  ∞