To explain . . .

I’ve written previously (first mentioned at the end of this post and my last update), it seemed a door was opening at our local church last fall regarding women’s ministry, but things haven’t progressed quite as I expected: it hasn’t opened in the time and the way I’d been expecting. . . . A humbling reminder that God is God and I am NOT….

And so, you may ask, why the reference to Jonah?

First off, our pastor has been preaching on Jonah, and as he preached on this verse recently it was a stark reminder to me that I’ve been in a waiting time like Jonah.

Jonah ended up in the great fish because he flat-out disregarded and disobeyed God’s clear command to rise and go to Nineveh. Jonah hightailed it in completely the opposite direction to God’s will – on a ship to Tarshish.

On the other hand, I’ve ended up in this great fish, well, I’m not quite sure why, though I do believe I have been and am still headed in the way of God’s will. No, of course, I’m not saying I’ve done everything perfectly…

But God brings great fish to swallow His people for His purposes. Great fish never swallow us by accident. They are always appointed by the LORD.

So right now I am trying to appreciate the loving hand of my Father’s discipline in bringing me here, and His sovereignty in this time of waiting in the great fish.

God has a reason for this delay, and I don’t pretend to know His plans in all this. He alone knows the end from the beginning.

What I do know . . .

I do know there have been times that I’ve been tempted to move forward and to try to push myself out of the fish’s belly, but His grace has restrained me. Thank God!

I also know there have been times when I’ve been tempted to doubt God’s calling and second-guess things. This has to do with being haunted by my demons of my past sin, past failures, impulsivity and impetuousness, looking back and seeing how things turned out wretchedly in the past, and as a result I’ve been tempted to be paralyzed and shrink back in unbelief and doubt and uncertainty and confusion.

Having learned a little from my past experiences of chastening, I do know that moving ahead of God’s timing, trying to push myself out of that fish’s belly a minute too soon is NEVER a good thing. Too often in the past I have acted out of my own flesh and my own impulsivity, rather than out of His Spirit and His love compelling me. But I also do need to do follow through in obedience to what He is calling me to do, including my time while I am in this fish – in this time of waiting. I can see how some of my past failures have led to some overcompensation now, i.e. – some hesitancy and doubt rising from my flesh, rather than my moving forward in faith as I ought to be doing. I need wisdom to know what is of my flesh and of His Spirit, and would appreciate your prayers for discernment for me in this.

Job 5:17 has been in my thoughts for several days now. Here’s the KJV:

I want to be happy in this fish. I want to be happy in this waiting.

Behold, happy!

Yes, that’s HAPPY. This is really an Old Testament beatitude – for the word “happy” can also be translated “blessed.”

How can this be? How can we be happy when corrected?

Well, basically, if we are the children of God, we should be able to be happy no matter where we are – and not despise it – and that includes every day we sit in the great fish’s belly – every time we are corrected or chastened or being trained in some way – because we have full assurance our God is our loving Father and He is with us there – and in fact, He has superintended all the circumstances that led to us being there (yes, even our sinfulness and stupidity) and all of it is purposed by Him to work for our good and profit and refining and fruitfulness (see Hebrews 12) and that all our trials are ordained only if necessary (I Peter 1).

I do not want to despise this ordained chastening time in this fish. I want to be happy here in the waiting.

I confess I’d become frustrated and grumbling and distressed and hopeless and impatient and doubting and not happy and not joyful here in the belly of this fish, and I knew it. (See my post here.) And I could see that that attitude made me feel even less happy and less joyful, for I knew I had no good excuse to act that way. So I knew I had to once again entrust myself once more to my Father in heaven. He helped me to begin to ask Him for faith and patience and to trust that His loving hand has put me here and He will not leave me here any longer than is necessary.

Now, regarding what I should be doing while I am still in this fish. . .

One thing I’ve been wanting to do for a little while now, and one thing I know I should be doing, is to write out a short description of the vision of the type of group I would like to see at our church (you’ll get a little flavor of that here).

In short, I am seeking others who are concerned about their souls. Psalm 66 is one passage that keeps coming to my mind, particularly verse 16:

I am seeking people who want to speak with others about what God has done for their souls. God’s first concern is our souls, and this must be our first concern as well.

There is no true and living and life-giving Christianity if the soul is left out of the picture. Too much of what masquerades as Christianity today is about any and all things but the soul.

Henry Scougal (1650-1678) called Christianity “the life of God in the soul of man.” We’ve lost that sense too many places. It took me about twenty-five years of being a Christian to begin to understand that. I say begin . . . for I don’t really understand it much – but if we don’t see Christianity as a life, if we don’t see Christianity as a religion of the soul, then we are greatly misguided and being deceived and missing out on the life that Jesus Christ wants to impart to all who believe through His Holy Spirit.

I’m hoping to post more of my thoughts on this, but I’ve not been able to concentrate well enough to get them down in writing, though I have places I’ve scribbled down some things and I have been pondering them in my head for a while now, which leads to a prayer request. I would appreciate prayer so I might have focus to write some of these things down, so I can communicate more effectively the passion and vision God has been putting on my heart with the leadership and others at our church. And please pray that I would be happy as I am corrected by the Lord and not despise His chastening.

I thank God for each of you. Please let me know how I can be praying for you (either in a comment below and/or by private message) – particularly how I might pray for you in your calling to your local church.

May God’s Spirit stir up in His people a relentless passion for the name and renown of Jesus Christ.

Yours in Christ for His glory in the Church,
Karen

In my last real update on July 26, I mentioned that I was feeling

This is one reason I’ve not been posting as much on any of my blogs, including this one.

My obligation is first and foremost to seeking the Lord and His will for me. I could feel guilty about not posting or feel like I’m a quitter or a failure for not following through with blogging, and I confess that at times I have felt that, but I realize those thoughts are not from the Lord, but are coming from my flesh and the devil and the world. Jesus Christ is the only One whose expectations I need to be concerned about. When you post something, you feel you accomplish something, you have something to point to and can say, “Look at me! I wrote this.” (Of course, if there’s anything good I posted, it wasn’t me, but the Lord at work in me.) Or, when you post, you put yourself out there and feel like you might get noticed and commended. Those are all things that God is wanting me to slay by the power of His Spirit. My desires to be noticed and for attention are ungodly and evil desires. By the grace of God at work in me, I’m going to fight my flesh and try not to post something just to post something, but only to post as the Lord is laying something on my heart. Same thing w/ making comments on others’ blogs. And to clarify: though I will recommend posts from this site, I rarely post comments on others’ blogs from this site, but I do that from my other site on occasion. (Yes, I confess deerlife does make visits  w/ another dear deer and does banter with an unnamed llama from time to time. )

Now, more about my journey to prayer…

A few years back, the Lord had been trying to get my attention about my need to pray, and, well, I knew that in my head of course, since we all pretty much know we should be praying from the time we become Christians. And, as most of us have done at one time or another, I’d made resolutions to pray, but it took God repeatedly showing me (hammering me) over and over and over again about my total depravity, my total insufficiency and my total inability to do anything apart from Him. That included a lot of failures, frustrations, humiliation and tears. Until we come to the end of ourselves, we don’t see the necessity of prayer and of our need to seek Him. So long as we can get by pretty well on our own, we won’t get down on our knees in humble dependence and cry out to Him for living water and daily bread and His Holy Spirit. Thank God for His sovereign hand at work in drawing me to Himself through his loving Fatherly discipline.

So now, after all that time, the Holy Spirit has been softening my hard heart sufficiently so those seeds are finally beginning to sprout a bit, so I might really begin to understand in small measure the utter necessity of prayer and seek out time to spend with God in prayer. This calling to prayer intensified early in 2009 (I wrote about it here, and that was why I started up tent of meeting, my other website devoted to prayer for revival). And it has further intensified and expanded since that time. In short, God has been giving me more of a passion to be praying for and encouraging workers to be sent into the harvest and praying for His Gospel to go to all the nations; I’ve alluded to that in a few posts on naphtali_deer, my other blog (e.g. – see here and here). I’m not exactly sure where all of that is going in my life, but I am finally seeing that the Gospel going to the nations is for our joy, for the joy of the nations and for God’s joy and is part of God’s glorious plan to exalt Himself. About a week ago, I stood outside and looked up into heaven and said something like, “God, why did it take me so long to get this?!” I cry now as I consider this. I mean, I’ve been a Christian for almost 28 years now. Of course, I knew we should be supporting missions, I knew the Biblical teaching that God had a plan to save some from every tribe, every language, every people and every nation (e.g. – Rev. 5), but only when God and the mission of God got a hold of my heart did I really begin to see. (Not that I see all yet today, I know that…) As I’ve mentioned, I am a slow learner, but thanks be to God, He is persevering and longsuffering with hard-hearted and stubborn sinners like me and His mercies and kindnesses will follow us and pursue us and His Holy Spirit will lead us into all truth and will lead us in the way we should go. This is one reason I am so passionate about young people not wasting their lives. I wasted much of mine. I was lukewarm for too long. One minute of lukewarmness is too long! Thanks be to God, He has been gracious to me and has been working to restore the years the locusts of my self-absorption and spiritual dullness had eaten up.

I confess that I continue to fumble and slip and slide as I seek to go up to meet with Him on His holy mountain, but I know there is grace abounding for sinners like me there and He never casts out those who come to Him, He never despises those who are humble and seeking to worship Him in Spirit and in truth. I love to spend time with Him. And I know He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him. He has also begun to show me that If we are not asking hard things of Him, we are insulting Him and limiting Him. Also, if we are not persevering in prayer, we do not show we consider Him precious enough to spend time with Him and we think we are adequate apart from His resources. These are just a few scattered thoughts here. My heart is full of Him. He is faithful to hear and to save. And He is calling us to watch in prayer with Him so we will not grow faint. To whom else can we go? He has the words of eternal life. He is our life!

What about deerlife….

My intent in starting deerlife was for mutual edification and encouragement, but for the past several months, most of my writing has been taking place on my other blog, so If I’m not posting here, I would encourage you to be reading there. And if you have a heart for prayer, I encourage you to visit tent of meeting, though I’ve not been posting there as often either.

I also invite those of you who feel led to do so, to please message me with prayer requests and the like. Some of you I know better than others, but I believe this is one way God does want me to be supporting you at the current time. I hope I will have the opportunity to blog here more regularly, but I can’t say at the moment. I’m leaving that in the hands of the Lord.

I also strongly encourage you to be seeking out and praying for fellowship in your own churches and communities. I think that is one of the greatest weaknesses of the Church today; we are lacking the fellowship God intended us to have. That leads into my next point…

A way you can be praying for me…

As I mentioned several months ago here, I’d begun to take some steps toward developing friendships and fellowship in our current church home. I would appreciate continued prayer for that. I’m not going to repeat all that, but I’d encourage you to read my thoughts in that post as you have opportunity to do so.

In light of that, I’d like to share an excerpt from the “Memoir and Remains of R. M. M’Cheyne” by Andrew Bonar. I really like Bonar’s description of how M’Cheyne viewed his friendships and the opportunities he had with people. I found this challenging and I think it really speaks for itself as to how you can be praying for me (and how we can be praying for one another) as I continue to step out in faith to develop and cultivate friendships in our churches (and elsewhere) and how we all ought to making the most of every opportunity we have here.

Thank you…and a final request…

I thank God for each of you and for your friendship, fellowship and support. I appreciate your continued prayers for clarity and wisdom for me in all things, including my blogging, specifically that I would not rely on myself but on Christ alone and seek the wisdom that comes from above. In Bible Study Fellowship we’ve been studying through the book of Isaiah and for chapter 5 we were challenged to ask ourselves which of the woes applies to us. For numerous reasons, I answered the woe about those who see themselves as wise in their own eyes for I know it’s far too tempting and too easy for me to get puffed up and carried away with my own ideas or thoughts.

I Corinthians 1:26  For consider your calling, brothers: not many of you were wise according to worldly standards, not many were powerful, not many were of noble birth. 27  But God chose what is foolish in the world to shame the wise; God chose what is weak in the world to shame the strong; 28  God chose what is low and despised in the world, even things that are not, to bring to nothing things that are, 29  so that no human being might boast in the presence of God. 30  He is the source of your life in Christ Jesus, whom God made our wisdom and our righteousness and sanctification and redemption. 31  Therefore, as it is written, “Let the one who boasts, boast in the Lord.”

Romans 11:36  For from him and through him and to him are all things. To him be glory forever. Amen.

Yours in Christ, pressing on to know Him by His grace alone,
Karen

a challenge to you (God has some secret ones in all places)
Naphtali News: the Ministry of the Word & Prayer

Scripture quotations are taken from The Holy Bible, English Standard Version. Copyright ©2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

I’ve been reading through the “Memoir and Remains of R. M. M’Cheyne” by Andrew Bonar. I’ve already posted a couple times on the book at tent of meeting (see here and here). Some of you know how much I appreciated reading through “George Whitefield’s Journals” and how I look to Whitefield as an example and for inspiration (of course, knowing full well, that we need to take care not to idolize others nor to set ourselves up for a sense of inadequacy as we compare ourselves to others). I have to say this book and the life of M’Cheyne rank right up there with the Whitefield and the Journals.

I’d like to bring a quote today from a letter M’Cheyne wrote to the Rev. Dan Edwards October 2, 1840:

I can’t help but note that M’Cheyne wrote this at age 27, and he lived for less than two and half years after this time.

I confess I share M’Cheyne’s struggle. I so agree how sweet it will be to drop my old man and be pure as Christ is pure!

I shake my head and wonder sometimes why God uses me (us). I find it dumbfounding and deeply humbling how God continues to use people like me (like us) even as I (we) struggle in these ways. Even as I (we) continue to have such mixed motives in ministry.

Holy Father, I am Your child because I have been united with Christ by grace through faith. Thank You for adopting me into Your family, though I was not worthy. Help me now to walk worthy of that calling. I have been united to Christ and given the Holy Spirit so I might live like Your blessed Son, who lived for a holy life to Your glory alone. O, that I might be able to separate between “I” and “the glory of Christ.” How we all continue to fight this temptation, but particularly as we seek to minister in Your Name. Thank You for the privilege You have given all of Your children to be ambassadors for Jesus Christ. I confess how often I do not walk with purity in that calling. Forgive me, Holy Father. Cleanse me by the blood of the Lamb. Anytime I live for my own glory is a grave sin against You. To strive to lift myself up is an affront to You and Your glory, shows contempt for Christ’s life and blood given for mine, and it grieves Your Holy Spirit. Sanctify and strengthen me with Your resurrection power through Your indwelling Holy Spirit so I might not continue to seek my own glory but seek Your glory alone. Grant me abundant grace to purify myself as You are pure, to put off the old man and put on the new, to live for Christ and not my own lusts – all so You alone might receive all the praise, honor and glory in all I do. I know that my truest happiness is to live entirely for the glory of Christ! That is why when I begin to even desire a bit of the glory for myself, Your Holy Spirit begins to convict me of that and makes me miserable. Thank You, Holy Spirit, for Your continued promptings, for renewing my mind, for leading me into all truth so Jesus Christ might be lifted up. Help my heart to remain soft and pliable and my ears to continue to hear You speak to me. I know this is all impossible with me, but is possible with You! Be merciful and gracious to me for Jesus’ sake. Send me grace sufficient for my need as I seek to lift up Jesus Christ to Your glory alone. Amen.