Previously I’d written that I felt like Jonah, put into a time of waiting over the past several months.

On and off over the past several years, not just the last several months, I’ve felt like I’ve been in a great fish . . . much of that time was God’s loving discipline to me because of my own sinfulness and impetuousness, impatience, my stubbornness and unwillingness to trust and yield to Him in our last church.

I really do want to give you more of an update what God has been doing, but I have to say it really pales in comparison to His continuing persevering lovingkindness and mercies that followed me ALL the days of life, including all those days when I doubted and despaired, even those days when I questioned and shook my fist and my head at His workings.

I keep finding my heart drawn out in love to God in the past couple days for all He has done in light of the wilderness journey He has had me on for several years. “Drawn out” is the only phrase I have for it. I can’t express it. I never used that word before in regard to my experiential understanding of the love of God for me in Jesus Christ.

I am overwhelmed at God’s continuing goodnesses to me in light of my continuing stubbornness and unbelief, and so I acknowledge here that IN ALL OF THAT TIME IN THE FISH, FOR EVERY MOMENT IN THE FISH WAS FOR MY GOOD AND HIS GLORY!

In my Bible next to Hebrews 11:6, “He is a rewarder to those who diligently seek Him,” a few years back I had written:

This morning I woke up thinking of the time I’d written that, but then I was rebuked and all but shouted out, “No, no! The rewards are NOT bittersweet – the rewards are sweet! Wholly sweet!” As the Psalmist said, God is good and does good! When is there a time that God is not good? When is there a time that God does not do good? Oh, yes, it seemed bittersweet to me at times (it is true that the discipline of the Lord often seems grievous and painful to us, rather than pleasant), and I confess there are times it even in retrospect it still does seem to be, but know this: our God can give His children NOTHING BUT SWEETNESS. Nothing but sweetness! For Jesus Christ IS nothing but sweetness to us! Hallelujah!

I confess there were times I did not sit with great delight in that chastening time in the great fish! I hope and pray that as I am disciplined in the future (for I certainly will be!), that by God’s grace I will be able to sit with great delight there and be able to taste that His fruit is sweet to me even there and be assured that His banner over me continues to be love – from henceforth and forevermore! He has loved His children with an everlasting love! We were loved in Christ Jesus before time began! God’s discipline is not separating us FROM His love, it is drawing us INTO a greater experiential understanding of His love – to eat of His sweet fruit! Hallelujah! I hope and pray all of you who are Christ’s are enabled to come into a greater understanding of God’s love for you through His discipline toward you.

To explain . . .

I’ve written previously (first mentioned at the end of this post and my last update), it seemed a door was opening at our local church last fall regarding women’s ministry, but things haven’t progressed quite as I expected: it hasn’t opened in the time and the way I’d been expecting. . . . A humbling reminder that God is God and I am NOT….

And so, you may ask, why the reference to Jonah?

First off, our pastor has been preaching on Jonah, and as he preached on this verse recently it was a stark reminder to me that I’ve been in a waiting time like Jonah.

Jonah ended up in the great fish because he flat-out disregarded and disobeyed God’s clear command to rise and go to Nineveh. Jonah hightailed it in completely the opposite direction to God’s will – on a ship to Tarshish.

On the other hand, I’ve ended up in this great fish, well, I’m not quite sure why, though I do believe I have been and am still headed in the way of God’s will. No, of course, I’m not saying I’ve done everything perfectly…

But God brings great fish to swallow His people for His purposes. Great fish never swallow us by accident. They are always appointed by the LORD.

So right now I am trying to appreciate the loving hand of my Father’s discipline in bringing me here, and His sovereignty in this time of waiting in the great fish.

God has a reason for this delay, and I don’t pretend to know His plans in all this. He alone knows the end from the beginning.

What I do know . . .

I do know there have been times that I’ve been tempted to move forward and to try to push myself out of the fish’s belly, but His grace has restrained me. Thank God!

I also know there have been times when I’ve been tempted to doubt God’s calling and second-guess things. This has to do with being haunted by my demons of my past sin, past failures, impulsivity and impetuousness, looking back and seeing how things turned out wretchedly in the past, and as a result I’ve been tempted to be paralyzed and shrink back in unbelief and doubt and uncertainty and confusion.

Having learned a little from my past experiences of chastening, I do know that moving ahead of God’s timing, trying to push myself out of that fish’s belly a minute too soon is NEVER a good thing. Too often in the past I have acted out of my own flesh and my own impulsivity, rather than out of His Spirit and His love compelling me. But I also do need to do follow through in obedience to what He is calling me to do, including my time while I am in this fish – in this time of waiting. I can see how some of my past failures have led to some overcompensation now, i.e. – some hesitancy and doubt rising from my flesh, rather than my moving forward in faith as I ought to be doing. I need wisdom to know what is of my flesh and of His Spirit, and would appreciate your prayers for discernment for me in this.

Job 5:17 has been in my thoughts for several days now. Here’s the KJV:

I want to be happy in this fish. I want to be happy in this waiting.

Behold, happy!

Yes, that’s HAPPY. This is really an Old Testament beatitude – for the word “happy” can also be translated “blessed.”

How can this be? How can we be happy when corrected?

Well, basically, if we are the children of God, we should be able to be happy no matter where we are – and not despise it – and that includes every day we sit in the great fish’s belly – every time we are corrected or chastened or being trained in some way – because we have full assurance our God is our loving Father and He is with us there – and in fact, He has superintended all the circumstances that led to us being there (yes, even our sinfulness and stupidity) and all of it is purposed by Him to work for our good and profit and refining and fruitfulness (see Hebrews 12) and that all our trials are ordained only if necessary (I Peter 1).

I do not want to despise this ordained chastening time in this fish. I want to be happy here in the waiting.

I confess I’d become frustrated and grumbling and distressed and hopeless and impatient and doubting and not happy and not joyful here in the belly of this fish, and I knew it. (See my post here.) And I could see that that attitude made me feel even less happy and less joyful, for I knew I had no good excuse to act that way. So I knew I had to once again entrust myself once more to my Father in heaven. He helped me to begin to ask Him for faith and patience and to trust that His loving hand has put me here and He will not leave me here any longer than is necessary.

Now, regarding what I should be doing while I am still in this fish. . .

One thing I’ve been wanting to do for a little while now, and one thing I know I should be doing, is to write out a short description of the vision of the type of group I would like to see at our church (you’ll get a little flavor of that here).

In short, I am seeking others who are concerned about their souls. Psalm 66 is one passage that keeps coming to my mind, particularly verse 16:

I am seeking people who want to speak with others about what God has done for their souls. God’s first concern is our souls, and this must be our first concern as well.

There is no true and living and life-giving Christianity if the soul is left out of the picture. Too much of what masquerades as Christianity today is about any and all things but the soul.

Henry Scougal (1650-1678) called Christianity “the life of God in the soul of man.” We’ve lost that sense too many places. It took me about twenty-five years of being a Christian to begin to understand that. I say begin . . . for I don’t really understand it much – but if we don’t see Christianity as a life, if we don’t see Christianity as a religion of the soul, then we are greatly misguided and being deceived and missing out on the life that Jesus Christ wants to impart to all who believe through His Holy Spirit.

I’m hoping to post more of my thoughts on this, but I’ve not been able to concentrate well enough to get them down in writing, though I have places I’ve scribbled down some things and I have been pondering them in my head for a while now, which leads to a prayer request. I would appreciate prayer so I might have focus to write some of these things down, so I can communicate more effectively the passion and vision God has been putting on my heart with the leadership and others at our church. And please pray that I would be happy as I am corrected by the Lord and not despise His chastening.

I thank God for each of you. Please let me know how I can be praying for you (either in a comment below and/or by private message) – particularly how I might pray for you in your calling to your local church.

May God’s Spirit stir up in His people a relentless passion for the name and renown of Jesus Christ.

Yours in Christ for His glory in the Church,
Karen

After a couple month hiatus, I picked up once again in rereading “George Whitefield’s Journals” (emphasis, mine).

A couple things impressed me here.

1. THE POWER Whitefield received. But not only the power, but THE GOD WHO GAVE HIM THAT POWER. Yes, we have to say that George Whitefield was exceptionally talented and uniquely gifted, and yet let us not forget that Whitefield had access to the VERY SAME POWER each and every Christian has access to because we know the VERY SAME GOD.

Not long before I’d picked up the Journals yesterday, I had been praying over a situation in which I clearly needed both God’s wisdom and power to respond to someone, for I knew in my own wisdom and power, I could do nothing to direct this person to an understanding of the living God. As I read Whitefield’s words, what a timely reminder that the God who does wonders might very well be pleased to give me such power in my communications with this person and my words might go out with His power! We have not because we ask not!

We see the believers in the book of Acts praying for such boldness. As Christians, though we have received the Spirit in first believing, we are in need of fresh supplies for the journey, and so once again I am asking for new supplies of His Spirit, and in particular for power and wisdom, and I would ask you to be praying for me in this (and for yourself as well).

2. THE TWO RESULTS OF GOD’S POWER:

As we keep our eyes on God’s eternal plan of redemption and the battle we are engaged in, it causes our life’s purpose to be righted once again. It’s too easy for temptations and the cares, riches and pleasures of this life to distract us (Luke 8). We too easily forget we are God’s ambassadors here. And as we are sent out, God is ready to supply us. Let us be bold and ask our Father to supply for us all we need so we might run the race set before us so we might obtain the prize.

Update on church

A while back I had mentioned I had an opportunity at our church (see my posts here and here). As of now, that’s still not developed much, and that has been frustrating to me at times, but I am trusting God’s timing in this since I know the delay is all for His greater glory:

Only recently did I notice how wonderfully God condescended to us there in that passage. In verse 18 we see the LORD tell us He will be gracious to us. But then, knowing that we are sometimes dense and hard-hearted, He reminds us that He is not only gracious but that He is VERY gracious. Is He not to be adored for His bearing with our weaknesses in this way? He does not treat us as our sins deserve! He knows we are frail, doesn’t He? More than wonderful! What a Savior!

I will ask you to be praying that God would lead me to women at our church who are hungering and thirsting for Him. Lord willing, I hope to ask a few of them to join me in a study of the book of John in the near future. I wrote a while ago about my desire for God to raise up sweet knots of religious friends all over His Church (that phrase “sweet knots of Christian friends” taken from Whitefield), and that is my desire not only for myself but for each of you, that you might find true and deep fellowship with believers in your own congregations and communities. We need to be encouraging one another daily (Hebrews 10) and building up each other in our most holy faith (Jude).

Personal note

One of my dearest Christian friends passed into glory recently, and I would appreciate your prayers for both her family and friends, as well as for myself, and in particular that this might be a wake-up call, not only to unbelievers to believers as well. I was privileged to be able to speak at her memorial service, to give her testimony that Jesus Christ was her sustenance, which is a message that so much of the church is missing at this point in time. She was my best friend to date who has died, and so I will miss the times we shared together in encouraging one another in our faith. She was one of the few people with whom I pretty much bared my whole soul, and she was a great encourager to me in my spiritual journey as well as my blogging here.

Please let me know if there are ways I can be praying for you. I feel I’ve lost a bit of focus in the past several months with my purpose here and my blogging on my sites, so I would also appreciate your prayers for God’s clarity and God’s leading in that regard. Thank you.

The grace of the Lord Jesus Christ, and the love of God, and the communion of the Holy Ghost, be with you all.

~ Karen