calling

  • Update/prayer requests – October 7, 2010

    In my last real update on July 26, I mentioned that I was feeling

    the need to be taking time more alone with Him, not only to speak to Him but also to hear Him…

    This is one reason I’ve not been posting as much on any of my blogs, including this one.

    My obligation is first and foremost to seeking the Lord and His will for me. I could feel guilty about not posting or feel like I’m a quitter or a failure for not following through with blogging, and I confess that at times I have felt that, but I realize those thoughts are not from the Lord, but are coming from my flesh and the devil and the world. Jesus Christ is the only One whose expectations I need to be concerned about. When you post something, you feel you accomplish something, you have something to point to and can say, “Look at me! I wrote this.” (Of course, if there’s anything good I posted, it wasn’t me, but the Lord at work in me.) Or, when you post, you put yourself out there and feel like you might get noticed and commended. Those are all things that God is wanting me to slay by the power of His Spirit. My desires to be noticed and for attention are ungodly and evil desires. By the grace of God at work in me, I’m going to fight my flesh and try not to post something just to post something, but only to post as the Lord is laying something on my heart. Same thing w/ making comments on others’ blogs. And to clarify: though I will recommend posts from this site, I rarely post comments on others’ blogs from this site, but I do that from my other site on occasion. (Yes, I confess deerlife does make visits  w/ another dear deer and does banter with an unnamed llama from time to time. )

    Now, more about my journey to prayer…

    A few years back, the Lord had been trying to get my attention about my need to pray, and, well, I knew that in my head of course, since we all pretty much know we should be praying from the time we become Christians. And, as most of us have done at one time or another, I’d made resolutions to pray, but it took God repeatedly showing me (hammering me) over and over and over again about my total depravity, my total insufficiency and my total inability to do anything apart from Him. That included a lot of failures, frustrations, humiliation and tears. Until we come to the end of ourselves, we don’t see the necessity of prayer and of our need to seek Him. So long as we can get by pretty well on our own, we won’t get down on our knees in humble dependence and cry out to Him for living water and daily bread and His Holy Spirit. Thank God for His sovereign hand at work in drawing me to Himself through his loving Fatherly discipline.

    So now, after all that time, the Holy Spirit has been softening my hard heart sufficiently so those seeds are finally beginning to sprout a bit, so I might really begin to understand in small measure the utter necessity of prayer and seek out time to spend with God in prayer. This calling to prayer intensified early in 2009 (I wrote about it here, and that was why I started up tent of meeting, my other website devoted to prayer for revival). And it has further intensified and expanded since that time. In short, God has been giving me more of a passion to be praying for and encouraging workers to be sent into the harvest and praying for His Gospel to go to all the nations; I’ve alluded to that in a few posts on naphtali_deer, my other blog (e.g. – see here and here). I’m not exactly sure where all of that is going in my life, but I am finally seeing that the Gospel going to the nations is for our joy, for the joy of the nations and for God’s joy and is part of God’s glorious plan to exalt Himself. About a week ago, I stood outside and looked up into heaven and said something like, “God, why did it take me so long to get this?!” I cry now as I consider this. I mean, I’ve been a Christian for almost 28 years now. Of course, I knew we should be supporting missions, I knew the Biblical teaching that God had a plan to save some from every tribe, every language, every people and every nation (e.g. – Rev. 5), but only when God and the mission of God got a hold of my heart did I really begin to see. (Not that I see all yet today, I know that…) As I’ve mentioned, I am a slow learner, but thanks be to God, He is persevering and longsuffering with hard-hearted and stubborn sinners like me and His mercies and kindnesses will follow us and pursue us and His Holy Spirit will lead us into all truth and will lead us in the way we should go. This is one reason I am so passionate about young people not wasting their lives. I wasted much of mine. I was lukewarm for too long. One minute of lukewarmness is too long! Thanks be to God, He has been gracious to me and has been working to restore the years the locusts of my self-absorption and spiritual dullness had eaten up.

    I confess that I continue to fumble and slip and slide as I seek to go up to meet with Him on His holy mountain, but I know there is grace abounding for sinners like me there and He never casts out those who come to Him, He never despises those who are humble and seeking to worship Him in Spirit and in truth. I love to spend time with Him. And I know He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him. He has also begun to show me that If we are not asking hard things of Him, we are insulting Him and limiting Him. Also, if we are not persevering in prayer, we do not show we consider Him precious enough to spend time with Him and we think we are adequate apart from His resources. These are just a few scattered thoughts here. My heart is full of Him. He is faithful to hear and to save. And He is calling us to watch in prayer with Him so we will not grow faint. To whom else can we go? He has the words of eternal life. He is our life!

    What about deerlife….

    My intent in starting deerlife was for mutual edification and encouragement, but for the past several months, most of my writing has been taking place on my other blog, so If I’m not posting here, I would encourage you to be reading there. And if you have a heart for prayer, I encourage you to visit tent of meeting, though I’ve not been posting there as often either.

    I also invite those of you who feel led to do so, to please message me with prayer requests and the like. Some of you I know better than others, but I believe this is one way God does want me to be supporting you at the current time. I hope I will have the opportunity to blog here more regularly, but I can’t say at the moment. I’m leaving that in the hands of the Lord.

    I also strongly encourage you to be seeking out and praying for fellowship in your own churches and communities. I think that is one of the greatest weaknesses of the Church today; we are lacking the fellowship God intended us to have. That leads into my next point…

    A way you can be praying for me…

    As I mentioned several months ago here, I’d begun to take some steps toward developing friendships and fellowship in our current church home. I would appreciate continued prayer for that. I’m not going to repeat all that, but I’d encourage you to read my thoughts in that post as you have opportunity to do so.

    In light of that, I’d like to share an excerpt from the “Memoir and Remains of R. M. M’Cheyne” by Andrew Bonar. I really like Bonar’s description of how M’Cheyne viewed his friendships and the opportunities he had with people. I found this challenging and I think it really speaks for itself as to how you can be praying for me (and how we can be praying for one another) as I continue to step out in faith to develop and cultivate friendships in our churches (and elsewhere) and how we all ought to making the most of every opportunity we have here.

       His visits to friends were times when he sought to do good to their souls; and never was he satisfied unless he could guide the conversation to bear upon the things of eternity. When he could not do so, he generally remained silent. And yet his demeanour was easy and pleasant to all, exhibiting at once meekness of faith, and delicacy of feeling. There was in his character a high refinement that came out in poetry and true politeness; and there was something in his graces that reminded one of his own remark, when explaining “the spices” of Song iv. 16, when he said, that “some believers were a garden that had fruit trees, and so were useful; but we ought also to have spices and so be attractive.” Wishing to convey his grateful feelings to a fellow labourer in Dundee, he sent him a Hebrew Bible, with these few lines prefixed :—

    Anoint mine eyes,
    O holy Dove!
    That I may prize
    This book of love.

    Unstop mine ear,
    Made deaf by sin,
    That I may hear
    Thy voice within.

    Break my hard heart,
    Jesus, my Lord,
    In the inmost part
    Hide thy sweet word.

    It was on a similar occasion, in 1838, that he wrote the lines, ” Thy word is a lamp unto my feet.” At another time, sitting under a shady tree, and casting his eye on the hospitable dwelling in which he found a pleasant retreat, his grateful feelings flowed out to his kind friend in the lines that follow:—

    “PEACE TO THIS HOUSE.”

    Long may peace within this dwelling
    Have its resting place;
    Angel shields all harm repelling—
    God, their God of grace.

    May the dove-like Spirit guide them
    To the Upright land!
    May the Saviour-shepherd feed them
    From his gentle hand!

       Never was there one more beloved as a friend, and seldom any whose death could cause so many to feel as if no other friend could ever occupy his room. Some, too, can say that so much did they learn from his holy walk, “that it is probable a day never passes wherein they have not some advantage from his friendship.”

       I find written on the leaf of one of his note-books, a short memorandum. ” Rules worth remembering.—When visiting in a family, whether ministerially or otherwise, speak particularly to the strangers about eternal things. Perhaps God has brought you together just to save that soul.” And then he refers to some instances which occurred to himself, in which God seemed to honour a word spoken in this incidental way.

    Thank you…and a final request…

    I thank God for each of you and for your friendship, fellowship and support. I appreciate your continued prayers for clarity and wisdom for me in all things, including my blogging, specifically that I would not rely on myself but on Christ alone and seek the wisdom that comes from above. In Bible Study Fellowship we’ve been studying through the book of Isaiah and for chapter 5 we were challenged to ask ourselves which of the woes applies to us. For numerous reasons, I answered the woe about those who see themselves as wise in their own eyes for I know it’s far too tempting and too easy for me to get puffed up and carried away with my own ideas or thoughts.

    Isaiah 5:21: Woe to those who are wise in their own eyes,
    and shrewd in their own sight!

    I Corinthians 1:26  For consider your calling, brothers: not many of you were wise according to worldly standards, not many were powerful, not many were of noble birth. 27  But God chose what is foolish in the world to shame the wise; God chose what is weak in the world to shame the strong; 28  God chose what is low and despised in the world, even things that are not, to bring to nothing things that are, 29  so that no human being might boast in the presence of God. 30  He is the source of your life in Christ Jesus, whom God made our wisdom and our righteousness and sanctification and redemption. 31  Therefore, as it is written, “Let the one who boasts, boast in the Lord.”

    Romans 11:36  For from him and through him and to him are all things. To him be glory forever. Amen.

    Yours in Christ, pressing on to know Him by His grace alone,
    Karen

    Related:

    a challenge to you (God has some secret ones in all places)
    Naphtali News: the Ministry of the Word & Prayer

    Scripture quotations are taken from The Holy Bible, English Standard Version. Copyright ©2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

  • How I Spent My Summer, # 1: In the Library (or the story of the $ 95 blog)

    Earlier this summer we traveled out West, with stops in South Dakota, Wyoming and Montana.

    I do hope to post on that sometime. But that will take a bit more effort. Sorting through pictures, etc.

    Today I’d like to share a little story of an incident that happened the Friday after we returned home.

    I often meet up with a friend Friday mornings and sometimes head over to one of my favorite libraries afterwards.

    So I did that very thing that Friday morning.

    I think I’d gotten a little nugget of an idea for the post I began writing that day sometime the night before or that morning.

    As I sat down with my laptop and coffee travel mug (yes, they’re allowed at this library), it began to flow.

    (No, not the coffee, but the words! )

    Praying and reflecting.

    Reading and contemplating on Scripture.

    More writing, some fixes, edits, tweaks.

    Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.

    Etc., etc., etc.

    Finally it was finished.

    If you’ve been reading on my other site, you know I’ve been serious about joy.

    So that post was another one in my series of letters on assurance and fighting for joy.

    dear devil/dear flock of God (day in, day out): Letter 63 on assurance & joy was posted at 2:42 that Friday afternoon.

    Don’t ask me all I did after I posted that entry.

    A bit of reading, commenting, messaging, pondering, looking out the window (nice view), sipping on cold coffee, idk.

    Anyhow, 4:15 rolls around.

    An announcement comes that the front desk that the library will be closing at 4:30.

    (This is a private college library and this was one of those dead weeks during the summer.)

    “Ok,” I think, “Fine. I’ll start packing up. I should get going. I’m hungry after all. Where has the time gone?”

    (I confess I can get pretty carried away with reading and writing and so forth.)

    As soon I stepped out of the cool library into the bright summer heat, I remembered…

    “My car is parked in the tow zone!”

    (No parking between 4pm and 6pm on weekdays.)

    Oops!

    I couldn’t help but chuckle (yes, it was a bit of an annoyed chuckle), knowing I had just finished that post on joy.

    God does have a sense of humor (or is it humour?).

    I did pick up the pace, however, thinking that perhaps they’d not come around to tow my car to who knows where.

    Well, I got there.

    My car wasn’t there.

    I called a friend to get the phone number for the parking enforcement people.

    She was there to get my call.

    The friend I chose to call did live nearby – just in case I’d be in need of a ride to who knows where to get my car.

    Turns out it was towed to an open spot a couple blocks away so I was able to retrieve it easily.

    Of course, there was a price to pay…

    The small print says $ 95.

    $ 50 for towing.

    $ 45 to the city.

    Blockhead. Idiot.

    Yes, I won’t do that again, I’m sure.

    So there we have it.

    How I spent my summer, # 1:

    In the library.

    This is the story of the $ 95 blog.

    Let’s think about this now.

    As of tonight here’s the view count and recs for that particular post:

    Posted 7/9/2010 2:42 PM – 26 Views – 6 eProps – 5 comments

    recs
    2

    So, according to my calculations, that works out to

    just under $ 16 / eProp

    or $ 19 / comment,

    well, technically a cool $ 47.50 / comment (not counting my comments),

    or $ 47.50 / rec.

    Um, yeah, I’m not getting that money.

    Was it worth it?

    Yes!

    Priceless.

    I’ve heard some ministers say they would pay to preach.

    My hope and prayer is that all ministers would say that.

    I don’t get paid for doing what I do.

    There’s a lot of freedom that comes with that.

    It’s my joy and pleasure and privilege to write to make Christ known and build up the Church.

    So long as God provides for me and gives me words to write, I hope to continue to do so.

    I Corinthians 9:15-18.

    But I hope not to get any more parking tickets.

  • John 11:6 When he had heard therefore that he was sick… (reflections on ministry, #2)

    Continuing from my last post, John 11:6 When he had heard therefore that he was sick… (reflections on ministry, #1)

    A few more reflections on ministry…

    The scope of our ministry

    There’s no way I could ever minister to everyone I see or hear of who is in need. Nor could any of you. That would be a sheer impossibility. The needs of people can be overwhelming at times, particularly as we read blog after blog here.

    We have to remember that God calls each one of us to minister to certain people. Unlike God, we’re not infinite. We’re going to see far, far too many needs out in the world. We’re not called to minister to the whole flock of God, but to a smaller flock, and perhaps we may be called to minister to a single sheep at a particular time. God alone is the Chief Shepherd. We’re undershepherds. (No, I’m not saying we are all pastors per se there; I don’t mean that.) We have to remember that the single soul is precious to the heart of God. God’s love for us is likened to the shepherd who left the flock of ninety-nine to go after and find that one lost sheep. Let’s not discount that private behind-the-scenes ministry God has for us. (Note to self.)

    Burnout comes when we start to think we have to minister to everyone we see. We can’t do that. And God won’t ever call us to do that. We must ask God to give us wisdom and discernment in this. We can trust God will equip us to minister to each soul He entrusts to us. That will stretch us, of course, which is good, because we do need to be reminded we can’t fulfill the calling He’s given us apart from total reliance on Him and His power.

    Hebrews 13:20  Now the God of peace, that brought again from the dead our Lord Jesus, that great shepherd of the sheep, through the blood of the everlasting covenant, 21  Make you perfect in every good work to do his will, working in you that which is wellpleasing in his sight, through Jesus Christ; to whom be glory for ever and ever.

    Of course, we can certainly be praying for those other souls, and we can and should be praying God would raise up other believers He wants to use to be His instruments of restoration in those people’s lives.

    The timing of our ministry

    There’s always the temptation for me to swoop in with help, and that help may very well be Biblically based (I’m hoping to write more on that soon), but it may be the wrong time. Once again, we must be asking God for discernment. “Is this person really ready to hear this?” “Are they mature enough?” “Is it time for me to listen a bit more, so I might have greater insight?” “Must the Holy Spirit be allowed more time to work to soften this heart to receive the word?” “Would this be too tough right now?” The right word given too soon will only be snatched up by Satan or choked away by the cares of life. The fallow ground may need to be broken up a bit more. It’s really hard to be patient in this.

    All that means we may end up watching someone get into a worse and worse state. That is probably one of the worst pains of ministry. Think of the father in the parable of the prodigal son, who waited for his son to return home. To know someone is making bad decisions and is oblivious and is inevitably making a clear path right into that pig sty, and yet in all that, God has His hand on you and is constraining you and saying, “No, not yet. This soul needs to begin to hunger for me even more. Then it will be time for you to go ahead and cast your pearls there. That soul will be sick of the corncobs, the pigs and the mud in a little while. Abide still in the same place where you are. I’ll let you know when you can go ahead.”

    That “little while” can be all but tormenting since you really do want that dear soul to avoid the pig sty at all costs. Yet you do know that trip to the pig sty is sometimes God’s ordained means to bring a wandering, rebellious soul to his senses. The Father’s times of loving discipline are precious and priceless, no, not pleasant at the time, but eternally profitable for sure. We must constantly ask to have God’s mind in these matters, so we don’t interfere or impair the Father’s refining work in another’s soul but rather work in concert with Him.

    The attitude of our ministry

    I can also be tempted to swoop in with Biblically-based help, and perhaps it is at the right time, but it’s all done in the wrong spirit and with the wrong attitude – the spirit of pride and superiority rather than humility. I can be self-serving rather than seeking to serve. I can minister out of vainglory or strife rather than out of love and gentleness. That’s far from the way of Christ, our suffering Servant, and His plan for us, His servants…

    Philippians 2:1  If there be therefore any consolation in Christ, if any comfort of love, if any fellowship of the Spirit, if any bowels and mercies, 2  Fulfil ye my joy, that ye be likeminded, having the same love, being of one accord, of one mind. 3  Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves.

    4  Look not every man on his own things, but every man also on the things of others. 5  Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus: 6  Who, being in the form of God, thought it not robbery to be equal with God: 7  But made himself of no reputation, and took upon him the form of a servant, and was made in the likeness of men: 8  And being found in fashion as a man, he humbled himself, and became obedient unto death, even the death of the cross.

    II Timothy 2:24  And the servant of the Lord must not strive; but be gentle unto all men, apt to teach, patient, 25  In meekness instructing those that oppose themselves; if God peradventure will give them repentance to the acknowledging of the truth; 26  And that they may recover themselves out of the snare of the devil, who are taken captive by him at his will.

    One of our main goals in ministry ought to be that people come to rely on Christ alone. That means they shouldn’t be relying on any person, including me. It’s very nice to be relied upon. It makes you feel good, very good, but that’s dysfunctional for all who are involved. I don’t want anyone to come to rely on me more than they rely on Christ. If that’s happening, then I’m not being Christ’s minister, am I? I must always be pointing people to Christ and not me. Forgive me, Lord, for having done that. Keep me from idols, serving self being my greatest idol.

    The impartiality of our ministry

    It’s easy to spend time with and minister to our “favorite” people. We have to confess we all have such favorite people, those souls with whom we share more of a kindred spirit, those souls with whom we are more comfortable and safe. Yet God Himself is not a respecter of persons. So if there’s a time when God is calling us to minister to someone else, we can’t ever make our “favorites” a priority, but we must respond in obedience to God’s call to minister to whomever He sends us. Peter didn’t really think much of going to the gentiles, but what if he didn’t? May God give each of us the grace not to delay in helping any robbed, stripped, wounded, lonely soul He gives us eyes to see and a heart to serve on the Jericho road.

    I remember the time I was attending a family gathering and had prayed to witness to my unsaved family members there. Well, I ended up in the hotel pool one morning and had the opportunity to witness to a total stranger. Only later as I was reading that account of Peter in Acts, did I realize how unChristlike I was in my attitude. I’d not really prayed at all for God to give me opportunities to witness to whomever He was sending me. May He open our eyes to see the harassed and helpless sheep as He does. May He give us hearts of compassion to care and weep for them. After all, He has graciously shown compassion to us and saved us so we might go out in the harvest field with Him, has He not?

    Closing thoughts

    When I hear of a need out there, no matter who you are, no matter how dear you may be to me, if you’re someone God has called me to minister to, know that I may not come to you immediately, but like Jesus, I may delay and abide in the same place where I am for a time. But know that during the delay I am anguishing with you. I may not ever end up commenting on your post, but know that I will be praying for you. I may not message you immediately, but I will try to eventually. And, when God shows me you’re really dead in some sense, but you’re not seeing it, and you’re stuck in that tomb like Lazarus (i.e.- you’re persisting in walking in the flesh), as God calls me to do so, I’m going to come round and yell at you while you’re in that tomb, “Friend, come forth!” fully trusting that the Spirit of God will come and work through my works and will quicken you and help you to get walking once again in the Spirit by His Spirit. God’s desire for you is to have Christ formed in you and to have life abundantly and His joy to the full. I am praying these things for you.

    I love the Lord and I long to minister for Him according to His leading. I don’t want to be disqualified. Know that I am weeping with you when you are weeping, except I may not think it God’s time yet to come to you, but know that I am going to the throne of grace for you, to the God who is merciful, gracious and longsuffering and is able to sympathize with our weaknesses.

    I am privileged and blessed to be working with you for your joy and the joy of Xanga/Revelife and of the nations,
    Karen

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