To explain . . .

I've written previously (first mentioned at the end of this post and my last update), it seemed a door was opening at our local church last fall regarding women's ministry, but things haven't progressed quite as I expected: it hasn't opened in the time and the way I'd been expecting. . . . A humbling reminder that God is God and I am NOT....

And so, you may ask, why the reference to Jonah?

First off, our pastor has been preaching on Jonah, and as he preached on this verse recently it was a stark reminder to me that I've been in a waiting time like Jonah.

Jonah ended up in the great fish because he flat-out disregarded and disobeyed God's clear command to rise and go to Nineveh. Jonah hightailed it in completely the opposite direction to God's will – on a ship to Tarshish.

On the other hand, I've ended up in this great fish, well, I'm not quite sure why, though I do believe I have been and am still headed in the way of God's will. No, of course, I'm not saying I've done everything perfectly...

But God brings great fish to swallow His people for His purposes. Great fish never swallow us by accident. They are always appointed by the LORD.

So right now I am trying to appreciate the loving hand of my Father's discipline in bringing me here, and His sovereignty in this time of waiting in the great fish.

God has a reason for this delay, and I don't pretend to know His plans in all this. He alone knows the end from the beginning.

What I do know . . .

I do know there have been times that I've been tempted to move forward and to try to push myself out of the fish's belly, but His grace has restrained me. Thank God!

I also know there have been times when I've been tempted to doubt God's calling and second-guess things. This has to do with being haunted by my demons of my past sin, past failures, impulsivity and impetuousness, looking back and seeing how things turned out wretchedly in the past, and as a result I've been tempted to be paralyzed and shrink back in unbelief and doubt and uncertainty and confusion.

Having learned a little from my past experiences of chastening, I do know that moving ahead of God's timing, trying to push myself out of that fish's belly a minute too soon is NEVER a good thing. Too often in the past I have acted out of my own flesh and my own impulsivity, rather than out of His Spirit and His love compelling me. But I also do need to do follow through in obedience to what He is calling me to do, including my time while I am in this fish – in this time of waiting. I can see how some of my past failures have led to some overcompensation now, i.e. - some hesitancy and doubt rising from my flesh, rather than my moving forward in faith as I ought to be doing. I need wisdom to know what is of my flesh and of His Spirit, and would appreciate your prayers for discernment for me in this.

Job 5:17 has been in my thoughts for several days now. Here's the KJV:

I want to be happy in this fish. I want to be happy in this waiting.

Behold, happy!

Yes, that's HAPPY. This is really an Old Testament beatitude – for the word "happy" can also be translated "blessed."

How can this be? How can we be happy when corrected?

Well, basically, if we are the children of God, we should be able to be happy no matter where we are – and not despise it – and that includes every day we sit in the great fish's belly – every time we are corrected or chastened or being trained in some way – because we have full assurance our God is our loving Father and He is with us there – and in fact, He has superintended all the circumstances that led to us being there (yes, even our sinfulness and stupidity) and all of it is purposed by Him to work for our good and profit and refining and fruitfulness (see Hebrews 12) and that all our trials are ordained only if necessary (I Peter 1).

I do not want to despise this ordained chastening time in this fish. I want to be happy here in the waiting.

I confess I'd become frustrated and grumbling and distressed and hopeless and impatient and doubting and not happy and not joyful here in the belly of this fish, and I knew it. (See my post here.) And I could see that that attitude made me feel even less happy and less joyful, for I knew I had no good excuse to act that way. So I knew I had to once again entrust myself once more to my Father in heaven. He helped me to begin to ask Him for faith and patience and to trust that His loving hand has put me here and He will not leave me here any longer than is necessary.

Now, regarding what I should be doing while I am still in this fish. . .

One thing I've been wanting to do for a little while now, and one thing I know I should be doing, is to write out a short description of the vision of the type of group I would like to see at our church (you'll get a little flavor of that here).

In short, I am seeking others who are concerned about their souls. Psalm 66 is one passage that keeps coming to my mind, particularly verse 16:

I am seeking people who want to speak with others about what God has done for their souls. God's first concern is our souls, and this must be our first concern as well.

There is no true and living and life-giving Christianity if the soul is left out of the picture. Too much of what masquerades as Christianity today is about any and all things but the soul.

Henry Scougal (1650-1678) called Christianity "the life of God in the soul of man." We've lost that sense too many places. It took me about twenty-five years of being a Christian to begin to understand that. I say begin . . . for I don't really understand it much – but if we don't see Christianity as a life, if we don't see Christianity as a religion of the soul, then we are greatly misguided and being deceived and missing out on the life that Jesus Christ wants to impart to all who believe through His Holy Spirit.

I'm hoping to post more of my thoughts on this, but I've not been able to concentrate well enough to get them down in writing, though I have places I've scribbled down some things and I have been pondering them in my head for a while now, which leads to a prayer request. I would appreciate prayer so I might have focus to write some of these things down, so I can communicate more effectively the passion and vision God has been putting on my heart with the leadership and others at our church. And please pray that I would be happy as I am corrected by the Lord and not despise His chastening.

I thank God for each of you. Please let me know how I can be praying for you (either in a comment below and/or by private message) – particularly how I might pray for you in your calling to your local church.

May God's Spirit stir up in His people a relentless passion for the name and renown of Jesus Christ.

Yours in Christ for His glory in the Church,
Karen

After a couple month hiatus, I picked up once again in rereading "George Whitefield's Journals" (emphasis, mine).

A couple things impressed me here.

1. THE POWER Whitefield received. But not only the power, but THE GOD WHO GAVE HIM THAT POWER. Yes, we have to say that George Whitefield was exceptionally talented and uniquely gifted, and yet let us not forget that Whitefield had access to the VERY SAME POWER each and every Christian has access to because we know the VERY SAME GOD.

Not long before I'd picked up the Journals yesterday, I had been praying over a situation in which I clearly needed both God's wisdom and power to respond to someone, for I knew in my own wisdom and power, I could do nothing to direct this person to an understanding of the living God. As I read Whitefield's words, what a timely reminder that the God who does wonders might very well be pleased to give me such power in my communications with this person and my words might go out with His power! We have not because we ask not!

We see the believers in the book of Acts praying for such boldness. As Christians, though we have received the Spirit in first believing, we are in need of fresh supplies for the journey, and so once again I am asking for new supplies of His Spirit, and in particular for power and wisdom, and I would ask you to be praying for me in this (and for yourself as well).

2. THE TWO RESULTS OF GOD'S POWER:

As we keep our eyes on God's eternal plan of redemption and the battle we are engaged in, it causes our life's purpose to be righted once again. It's too easy for temptations and the cares, riches and pleasures of this life to distract us (Luke 8). We too easily forget we are God's ambassadors here. And as we are sent out, God is ready to supply us. Let us be bold and ask our Father to supply for us all we need so we might run the race set before us so we might obtain the prize.

Update on church

A while back I had mentioned I had an opportunity at our church (see my posts here and here). As of now, that's still not developed much, and that has been frustrating to me at times, but I am trusting God's timing in this since I know the delay is all for His greater glory:

Only recently did I notice how wonderfully God condescended to us there in that passage. In verse 18 we see the LORD tell us He will be gracious to us. But then, knowing that we are sometimes dense and hard-hearted, He reminds us that He is not only gracious but that He is VERY gracious. Is He not to be adored for His bearing with our weaknesses in this way? He does not treat us as our sins deserve! He knows we are frail, doesn't He? More than wonderful! What a Savior!

I will ask you to be praying that God would lead me to women at our church who are hungering and thirsting for Him. Lord willing, I hope to ask a few of them to join me in a study of the book of John in the near future. I wrote a while ago about my desire for God to raise up sweet knots of religious friends all over His Church (that phrase "sweet knots of Christian friends" taken from Whitefield), and that is my desire not only for myself but for each of you, that you might find true and deep fellowship with believers in your own congregations and communities. We need to be encouraging one another daily (Hebrews 10) and building up each other in our most holy faith (Jude).

Personal note

One of my dearest Christian friends passed into glory recently, and I would appreciate your prayers for both her family and friends, as well as for myself, and in particular that this might be a wake-up call, not only to unbelievers to believers as well. I was privileged to be able to speak at her memorial service, to give her testimony that Jesus Christ was her sustenance, which is a message that so much of the church is missing at this point in time. She was my best friend to date who has died, and so I will miss the times we shared together in encouraging one another in our faith. She was one of the few people with whom I pretty much bared my whole soul, and she was a great encourager to me in my spiritual journey as well as my blogging here.

Please let me know if there are ways I can be praying for you. I feel I've lost a bit of focus in the past several months with my purpose here and my blogging on my sites, so I would also appreciate your prayers for God's clarity and God's leading in that regard. Thank you.

The grace of the Lord Jesus Christ, and the love of God, and the communion of the Holy Ghost, be with you all.

~ Karen

Today I find myself waiting. And I have found myself beginning to get anxious. Much like King Saul, I have been just about ready to jump ahead to add onto what the LORD has shown me to do. There is no addition to the revealed commandment of God. The needed thing for me to do right now is to wait. So, so hard! No, not only hard, but impossible – apart from God who strengthens me!

Waiting seems so simple and we know it sounds very romantic – and yet we all know how difficult it is! We would much rather be doing, would be not? We see how throughout the Old Testament so many saints failed to wait for God's blessings to come in God's prescribed way and God's time – and, as a result, there were grave consequences. And I have known that experience in my own life and God has definitely worked to help me to wait on Him, but once more today I must go back to Him and ask for grace sufficient for my need this day because yesterday's manna and yesterday's living water will never sustain me for today's journey.

Our patient waiting, our enduring with longsuffering with all joy (see Col. 1) is God-honoring for it puts us into the place where we are acknowledging God as the sovereign King, the Lord of lords, and in particular the Lord of our own lives. As we trust Him and bow our hearts before Him and say, "Not my will, but Yours, be done," we are saying to Him, "I am trusting You today, Lord, I am not going to lean on my own understanding, ah, as much as I think I should do such and such, as much as I am tempted to run ahead of You and do such and such, I am trusting Your ways to be best, even though at present I do not understand them and I do not see how this can work out. Give me the eye of faith to see You, invisible God. Give me the heart of faith to trust You, trustworthy God. Your ways and thoughts are inscrutable, they are higher than mine (by definition! You are God and I am NOT!), but they are always pure and perfect and they are always for Your glory, for my good and the furtherance of Your Gospel. Strengthen me as I wait on You. I know I will not be put to shame." Amen, and Amen.

I love Psalm 27:14 because we don't often think of waiting as being very courageous, do we, and yet here we have the two linked. And, in the same way, we don't think of waiting as needing strength, but again we see strength as absolutely necessary so we might wait on the LORD.

A couple days ago I wrote the following as part of a message to a dear friend in Christ and think it definitely applies to me today:

So today I find myself in need of that perfect sustenance, that strengthening, that courage, all so I might wait on the LORD so He might be highly exalted and I am sure to receive His grace and mercy in due time.

Bread of Life and Living Water, draw me to You, so I might eat and drink and be satisfied and be able to wait on You and trust in You and not be afraid and anxious. Amen.